Thursday, April 1, 2010

Shocking news!

Shocking news is rippling through the pro-peloton this morning involving Tom Boonen.  Boonen scheduled an afternoon press conference yesteday in Bruge, Belgium to officialy repond to the alleged claims that he is being blackmailed by an anonymous individual.

The inidividual in question is pressuring Boonen for an undisclosed amount of money in exchange for an agreement to suppress illicit photos that were taken last summer of Boonen and "another individual".   According to sources close to Boonen, the photos were taken of the professional cyclist while engaged in "compromising acts".  Amidst the speculation of Boonen's recent activities, long time sponsor Fresty Fresh lunch meat has dropped their endorsement of Boonen as of late last week.
Fresty Fresh, makers of the popular pate lunch spread, have lost an approximate 3.2 million euros in revenues over the course of only 6 days since the rumors first began, and shareholders are worried the company will fall further into decline.  Some long time fans of the popular Boonen lunch meat have come out to support Boonen and are trying to pressure the company to not abandon the Belgian cycling icon.  Two such women recently appeared in a popular grocery mart in Brussels wearing nothing but body-painted cycling uniforms adorned with Boonen's likeness similar to what appears on the product's label.
"We love Tom's meat!" said one Ingrid de Clercq as she and friend Isablle de Wilde collected signatures in an attempt to petition Fresty Fresh to continue to sponsor Boonen.
All of this news couldn't have come at a worse time for Boonen as he attempts to prepare for the Tour de Flanders race on Sunday, of which he is heavily favored to win.  This is not the first scandal Boonen has faced in his career.  In 2005, he lost an endorsment deal with makers of a popular Flemish salami when he elected to pose nude for the Belgian women's magazine Vibrating Voice.
A portion of Boonen's statement during yesterday's press conference has confirmed that photographs were in fact taken of Boonen engaged in what some might deem to be "inappropriate behavior".  Boonen apologized to his fans and long time supporters and promised to work hard to once again, regain the trust and admiration of those who have stuck by him throughout his occasionally tumultuous career. 

Simultaneously, during the press conference, another Belgian news office was apparently contacted by the blackmailer who gave them the "first of many photographs to be distributed" if their demands were not met by Saturday.  The newspaper elected to release the photograph which is believed to reveal the identity of the individual with whom Boonen was recently caught semiclothed and in flagrante.

Let's hope Tommy Tornado can twist his way out of this mess soon...

Happy April Fool's Day, everyone -

1 comment:

  1. well we all wait this, in fact is not so shocking new, or you tell me that you never saw the signs, I mean with all the gestures and the way of this men talk, please!!!