Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Spring lust: brakes, nipples and greed!

I'm sure most of you are enjoying the amazing spring weather that has come to COMO every bit as much as I have lately.  Long stretches of sun-drenched pavement through the countryside beckon to us as we sit in our offices.  If you are headed along a southern route, brace yourself for gale force winds and the sound of air buffeting off of your eardrums....but if you have chosen a northern route, your ride will be greeted by the chirping of song birds and frogs, singing the gleeful songs of love.  Yes, spring is in the air, and brought with it the sweet, dulcet notes of horniness to animals and cyclists alike. One need look no further than the recent flurry of "Missed Connection" notices on craigslist to prove it.
"On my way to pick up some groceries today, I saw you after your bike ride.  You had a purple shirt on.  Just wanted to let you know that you had a fantastic body.  Great motivation to continue working out."

Honestly, who amongst us wouldn't like to hear that we look fine in our purple cycling jerseys, and I imagine if the lucky woman in this post discovered this complement on craigslist, she was likely flattered.  Then there is this one...

"Here goes nothing.....i passed you today, going in different directions, in front of memorial hall, you gave me a cute smile and we made eyes for a good while.  if you think this is you, feel free to reply, we were both on road bikes, mine is an interesting color, if you have an idea, tell me what color."

This cyclist is playing the coy game of making his object of desire try to guess the "interesting color" of his road bike.  What is fascinating is that both of these CL posts illustrate how cyclists, like many species of animal, like to use colorful displays, whether it be plumage, or jersey color, to attract those that might be looking.  Take Rinaldo Nocentini and the common North American Bluebird.  Say what you will, but the color seems to be working....
Thus, I wasn't that surprised when I stumbled upon this colorful bike downtown the other day.
What could be more "springy" then a brilliant kelly green fixie complete with deep-V rims?  I could also not help but notice that this particularly flamboyant bicycle was making no attempt to conceal its brazenly red anodised nipples.
I was also fairly intrigued to notice that this particular fixie was also sporting some brakes.  I decided to move in for a closer look.
Despite this Faggin Fixie having some rather nice Shimano Ultegra brakes, there was no cable attached to them.  I had to ponder on this awhile, but now I fear this might signal a new fixie trend.  Past might be the days when brakes were simply seen as interfering with the clean lines or the purity of the ride associated with the nu-fixed gear bike, and were thus removed.  Perhaps some looked at the brakeless fixie rider as being an individual without the financial resources to actually afford brakes.  And although the classic nu-fixie rider likes to appear penniless, rarely is the case.  Thus, in a new demonstration of plumage display, I wonder if we will see an emerging trend of fixies decorated with non-functioning high-end components to ensure onlookers that yes, they can afford them, they just choose not use them.  What could be next? Fixies with Campy Super Record carbon derailleurs?  Really, what is the difference between this and those animals who possess entirely useless vestigial structures but yet retain them merely for sexual display, such as the male peacock's tail, or Filipo Pozzato's nipples.

That said, all of these things are used as part of the game of attracting a mate, whether you be an animal, Fillipo Pozzato or a cyclist.  And notice I used the singular form of the word "mate."  Because in the warmth of a beautiful spring day, some have the tendency to get greedy.
"Random encounter with ice cream eating unicyclist - 28 (Yogurt shop w/Ice cream).  Met you four girls at the yogurt shop, we talked for a really long time, but never exchanged contact info!  I am remiss.  I had hoped to catch up with you soon at some future date, email me if you catch this."

Clearly, this guy is compensating for the fact that he only has one good wheel to ride on by trying to land four girls simultaneously.....I have it on good authority that when frogs get really worked up in springtime, they will also try this rather gluttonous behavior....it never ends well. 
What starts out as fun and games always leave someone losing a flipper.  Ladies, beware of the yogurt-eating, polygamous unicyclist...especially if his unicycle is sporting a Dura Ace electronic groupset and red aluminum nipples.

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