Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Tour of Hermann part II: Bodies left behind.

Today, of course, is April 20, or in numeric terms, 4/20.  For many of you, this means that you are reading this post from home, having already called in sick so that you may spend the day with your bong, immersed in the scent of patchouli and the flavor of brownies.  If so, please let me know if your altered sense of reality actually makes reading this blog any better.  And if you are holed up in your crib, with blankets covering the windows, I hope that you are listening to some sweet tunes.  I am reminded of music today as the GEEC I recovered our camera and are reviewing the photos from Sunday's epic Tour of Hermann.  It was during the early morning, pre-race period that the quiet little burg of Hermann was filled with some rather amazingly bad music eminating from the BigShark trailer.  The GEEC was convinced it was Metallica, and eerily was actually singing along.  The surreal setting was then enhanced by seeing the Women's 3/4 pace car, complete with V for Vendetta mask hanging from the rear view mirror.  I couldn't help but notice a CD case on the dashboard though....
Using some CSI-like photoenhancing techniques, I was able to invert this photo taken by the GEEC and zoom in on the CD case.
If you look closely, you can see that this is in fact the album 'Endgame' by Megadeth.

The album cover depicts a long line of mindless people, dressed in prison-style jumpsuits, packed together in a single lane as they make their way forward, toward some bright light.  Notice, if you will, that the folks in back are incapable of advancing foward, and must wait their turn.  This, as it turns out, is an important lesson in cycling, especially (and hypothetically) if you are racing in the Cat 4/5 group which is, oh, say 70 strong.  Because as sure as Track #6 on "Endgame" is called "Bodies Left Behind" there may be a hypothetical massive crash and pile up approximately 67 seconds after the pace car signals the start of the race.  And as though half the field is on a bicycle without training wheels for the very first time and watching the pace car leave is akin to having your dad let go of the saddle, hypothetically, the natural reaction of most is to simply fall over like a bunch of fainting goats.  And everyone behind the hypothetical carnage watches the lead group ride on and open up an immediate gap as they scale the first hill unencumbered.  Bodies left behind, indeed.  Lesson learned.  Stay in front.

At any rate, I hope the commotion of the bike race and Megadeth blaring across the peaceful hamlet of Hermann was not too disrupting to the kind people there.  Some citizens put up warning signs that they, or their gardens' inhabitants, were not to be disturbed.
Unfortunately, the gnomes were disturbed, and one apparently emerged and tackled a BigShark cyclist, pinned him down and started trying to rip his leg off with her breasts.
The GEEC and I didn't stick around to see how this turned out, because the gnome shot us the stink-eye right after this photo was taken and we feared we'd be next.  I hope the cyclist is ok.  But if he did end up losing his leg - he should not lose hope.  As an amputee, he can still be a porn star, or even a shitty driver.



  1. first off, i love how this page's logo is very communistic, not that i'm a communist, i'm a ron pauler! secondly, i am the owner/drive of the SAAB that sports the guy fawkes/V for Vendetta mask :) man y didn't u get a pic of my sweet bumper/window stickers!? thank u for the limelight though...i saw megadeth in dec and paid to have dave sign the booklet inside the cd case :D it's a good album, considering it came out last year....i actually didn't play the album while leading, but was scanning the few stations that hermann gets, hehe

  2. Is that Butthead on the massage table?