Friday, April 16, 2010

Friday Mail: Handi-capable

Happy Friday, everyone.  First off, I want to thank all the well-wishers who sent emails or posted comments about my run-in with the one-armed man yesterday.  And to those who wrote to me about the perceived insensitivies I may have expressed toward those with physical handicaps, please let me assure you that I meant no disrespect.  I never meant to imply that the reason the driver hit me was because he was missing an arm, but rather that he was either 1) distracted or 2) an asshole.  People with physical challenges, like the absence of a limb or limbs, are able to accomplish absolutely anything in today's society...

like climbing Everest,

or being a cyclist 

or being a rock-star,

or even a porn star  - just like everyone else. 

So why should they be excluded from the club of shitty drivers who are a risk to everyone, not just cyclists?  At any rate, I only intended for my tale to be a cautionary one and to remind all cyclists and motorists to continue to watch out for one another, regardless of the number of your appendages.

On to far more interesting things, like this weekend's Tour of Hermann.  For those not aware, this is a 3 stage race held over Saturday and Sunday.  The time trial and criterium stages will be held on Saturday, and Sunday is the road race.  For the men's PRO1/2 group this means 90 grueling miles of hills....why not head over and sip delicious wine and eat cheese while you watch them try to keep GU and bananas down?

Anyway -  with that, I bring you Friday mail.

Dear PooBah,
I loved your post about Japanese Doritos last friday.  I have to admit, I am an Asian junk-food junkie as well - but my weakness is Chinese McDonald's.  Check out how I've pimped my ride to commemorate my obsession!
Chin F.
P.S. The top tube reads "All you haters can suck my McNuggets!"
Sweet bike. Just a word of caution though, 'obsessions' can be dangerous things.....and too much of anything is probably not good for you....You would not be the first person to succumb to "Mc-aholism" and let me tell you,  it's not pretty.

Dear PooBah,
What's the most offensive thing you've ever seen a road cyclist do during a race?
Henry T.

Good question.  At first I was going to say the "Theo Bos" incident from the 2009 Tour of Turkey:

But then I thought of what UnitedHealthCare cyclist Jake Keough did to Rahsaan Bahati during the Dana Point Grand Prix crit last Sunday that forced the massive crash.

But honestly, I think both of these things pale in comparison to the cycling hat worn by the anonymous Panasonic rider in the 1992 Tour.  I mean seriously - what was he thinking?

Dear PooBah,
I'm amping up my training big time, and actually want to start racing.  To do so, however, means that I've got to lose the hair on my legs.  I've accepted this and am going to go for it.  But my question is - how high up should I go?
Bill R.

Your neck.

Dear PooBah,
A couple of weeks ago, I saw where Fabian Cancellara carried a little angel token in his pocket for good luck and took it out to show the camera as he crossed the finish line in first place.  Is it pretty standard for professional cyclists to carry good luck charms with them?  I'm entering my first AlleyCat this Sunday and could use all the good luck I can get.  I really liked Cancellara's idea of carrying an angel with him.  I scrounged around my house looking for one of my own, but this is the best I could come up with.  Do you think it could work?
Jerry T.

Jerry -
Yeah man - a naked Barbie strapped to your handlebars spread eagle with an old intertube should do the trick.  By the way - have you checked to make sure your subscription to BDSM Weekly has been renewed?  Just thought I'd ask.

Have a great weekend everyone - safe riding and racing!  And for those partaking in the Four Pack Fiasco tonight - be cool like Billy Dee....


  1. I love this blog! Keep it up.

  2. Dear Anonymous -
    Thanks so much for your support. Please look for the payment we agreed on: A $10 bill wrapped in a package of Applewood smoked bacon.


  3. Good work. I'm stunned by that photo of that lady. She had the biggest... head of hair I've seen in a while.

  4. Good lord....I mean, PooBah. I'd pay for a subscription to this. Awesome.

  5. It was a wise choice to change the blog name to avoid anymore comparisons to the blog that you so shamelesly imitate. My suggestion: try something original. You aren't a terrible writer, but show some creativity instead of ripping off another guys jokes, writing stlye, and sarcasm. Keep it going, but find your own voice.

  6. I really don't think the driver that hit you was handicapped. I think you mistook his stump for his enlarged middle digit as he was showing you what he thought of cyclist. He was most likely a Trib Board poster.

    Good stuff here, keep it going.

    Ethan Froese