Friday Mail: Racing and (g)nashing

A busy weekend is about to descend upon us in the wide world of cyclingdom - both home and abroad. 

Firstly, tomorrow is the Hillsboro-Roubaix Road Race which goes from Hillsboro to....Hillsboro.....and then through Hillsboro 4 more times if you are Pro 1/2.  There are no pave, but guaranteed brick.  The race is presented by the International Christian Cycling Club.  Speaking of being Christian and visiting Hillsboro, if you've never been to the quaint little Illinois town, you might be interested to know that it is also the home of  9-Time UFC Welterweight Champion Matt Hughes...

...whose website says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," a quote from Philippians 4:13.  I suppose this also includes smashing peoples faces in.  Unless his opponent also has been strengthened by Christ.  In that case - I wonder who would win?  I digress....

On Sunday, if you've not shot your proverbial wad on Saturday and can drag your ass out of bed early in the morning, you can either watch Paris-Roubaix at http://www.cyclingfans.com/ or ride in the Gateway Tilles Crit in Brentwood, MO. 

And with that, I bring you Friday mail!

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Dear PooBah-

I want to teach my son about bake safety and found this book at the library the other day.  Have you read this and if so, what are your thoughts?

Thanks!

Hellen G.

Helen-

I think this is the perfect book to teach your son about bicycling safety: but only as long as he is a cross-dressing Roger Ebert lookalike that feels the need to wear suspenders with his khaki wrap-around skirt while teasing livestock.

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Dear PooBah,

I need some new cycling shorts, but am blown away by how expensive they are.  I've heard BikeNashbar has some pretty good deals.  Have you ever bought anything from them - and if so, was your shopping experience a good one?

Thanks!

Dell J.

Dell,

I think Nashbar must be under some new management or something, because their advertising has taken a weird, unsettling twist lately with their cycling models posing like they'd be better suited on a gay porn site (not that there's anything wrong with that).  I'd be cautious of this one, if I were you.

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Dear PooBah,

I am a single woman and looking for a man who leads an active lifestyle.  More specifically, I would love to meet a cyclist, since that is my passion.  I have subscribed to an online dating service and recently was matched up with a gentleman from Booneville who claims to be an avid cyclist.  I've attached his profile photo here for your reference:

Are you picking up any vibes about him?  You think he's a poseur or the real deal?

Thanks -

Jill F.

Jill,

Are you sure you are selecting from the appropriate pool of available men?  He looks like he might buy his shorts at Nashbar (or at least enjoy perusing the site at great length.....not that there's anything wrong with that)........

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Dear PooBah-

I'm the guy on the ElliptiGo wearing the 'Bone Collector' primal wear jersey that you made fun of earlier in the week.  I'll have you know that the 'Bone Collector' jersey is a total chick magnet, my friend.  And I'm not the only one who thinks so.  Check out this photo someone sent me of another stud getting some action wearing the 'Collector'....

Francis P

Francis,

Easy on the inappropriate photos, bro - remember this is a dude-friendly family-friendly site.....you made me  bust out the Fezzed Shatner of Censorship!  Anyway - clearly, I stand corrected on the Bone Collector.  Apparently it is working quite well for the BikerFox.  And based on the photos on his website, it's appropriately named as well.  But from the looks of it - fashion dictates that this particular jersey should always be paired with shorts purchased at Nashbar.  Proceed accordingly.

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Dear PooBah-
As cyclists, we are all concerned about our weight.  But I'm just curious - do you have any junk-food weaknesses that you succumb to occasionally?
Gregory R.

Greg-
Japanese Doritos, hands down.  Not only is each bag a delicious feast of processed goodness,  but the bags themselves depict some sweet kung-fu moves to study should an assailant in a unitard attack you.  Clearly the chap in the yellow uni getting his balls gnashed was not empowered by the strength of Christ.  Sucks to be him.

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Hey PooBah -

Check out the retro 7-Eleven jersey I found being made by Descente.  Is this thing hot or what?  Do you think it's old enough that I could look vintage-cool wearing it?

Thanks -

Alex C.

Alex-

Yeah, it's pretty cool.  But not as cool as that Empire Strikes Back wallpaper!  I love me some Chewbacca-themed wall coverings!

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Have a good weekend everyone - thanks for reading!

CCPB/GEEC