Monday, August 2, 2010

Looking for love in all the wrong places...and rodents.

Last Friday, in place of the typical installment of Reader Mail, I posted some vintage bicycle advertisements.  One of which was quite peculiar and brought about some well-posed questions by reader "LastDog".  I've cropped and enlarged the portion of the photo "LastDog" was wondering about:
For some reason, adjacent to the photograph of the shirtless, leering man holding an umbrella for a scarved women with a busy right hand, are listed the childrens' bicycles....(the French translation for 'children' is 'infants who are compact.')  As if this hadn't amped up the creepy factor enough, one such bike model is apparently named the 'Hamster' which apparently only comes in a non-pliant version. 

What can one do with a non-pliant hamster, I have to ask myself....but as soon as I asked, cyclingnews had answered by publishing this picture of Allesandro Petacchi winning the Wolvertom-Meise post-Tour criterium.
Either Petacchi has a non-pliant hamster stuffed in his bib-shorts, or he was just really happy to get to share the podium with Miss Coast Belgium.

But certainly, this is understandable....bikes and love fit together like a hand in a glove, or a hamster in the chamois....take this "Missed Encounters" posting I found on Craigslist written by a guy who is longing for a special woman named 'Gale.'

for gale - m4w - 26 (downtown columbiat)
in the past week, i have seen you riding your bike, killing your beer in maybe 3 seconds, and explaining in a lot of detail how an m16 works.  and you did all of these things while wearing a very fancy dress.  hot damn, girl, this might be love.

Yes, I can think of few things more alluring about a woman than the ability to shotgun a beer and discuss the finer points of automatic firearm operation while riding a bike in a fancy dress.  Certainly, Gale must be able to appreciate a good, well-made bike, so as I perused craigslist further, I couldn't help but wonder if it was she that posted this bicycle for sale.

Vintage Women's Cruiser - $60 (columbia)
I bought a vintage women's cruiser (Free Spirit) a few months ago, but I never really rode it.  It's from the late 70's, early 80's, in pretty good condition.  It's made from one solid piece of metal, so it was built with dependability in mind.  There are a few dings and scratches and the chain should probably be replaced in the near future.  The basket is also a little dented.

It's a great, comfortable bike for commuting downtown or in the neighborhood.

You can pick it up or I can drop it off almost anytime.

Yeah.  I'm aware the pic is upside down.*

 *Acutal bike is not upside down.

I think it's fortunate that this bicycle adheres to the laws of physics, and rides on the ground versus the ceiling because if there is one thing less pliant than a compact infant's French hamster, I'm sure it's a Free Spirit made from one solid piece of metal, and while $60 sounds like a bargain, it might not be if it came crashing down on your head, unexpectantly.  But speaking of how much fun a non-pliant hamster might be, I stumbled upon this request for companionship also on craigslist:

Please help! (Columbia/Moberly)
My girlf friend and I need to find a woman to have fun in the bedroom.  Her 5'5" brown hair 110lb. Clean shaven.  Him 6'2" 265 lb.  Long blonde hair blue eyes 6" cut, clean bike.  Both gifted orally.  You, close within 30 lb of her.  Put love to lick in the subject line. 

I personally find it refreshing that the gentleman in this ad chooses to describe his girlfriend by her groinal grooming habits while he prefers to define himself by the cleanliness of his bicycle.  I ask you reader, what does the status of your bicycle's hygiene say about you?  At any rate, I'm tempted to try to play matchmaker and introduce this fun-loving couple to Gale....word on the street is, she knows how to hold her liquor and her guns while riding.....I just hope they don't either lick or shave any small rodents...pliant or otherwise.

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