Friday, August 20, 2010

Friday Mail!

I realize many out there are reading this blog from remote corners of the globe.....from internet cafes in Nepal, train stations in Moscow, research outposts in Antarctica and double-wides in Moberly.  And to such far-flung individuals, I say, welcome, but sit tight and be patient - because I have to offer up some local news for this weekend before we get to Friday Mail.

1)  Saturday, August 21 @ 7:30 AM:  The 18th Annual Missouri River Festival of the Arts Bike Tour.  The designated 42 mile course rolls through rural Cooper and Moniteau Counties.  However, you don't have a hair on your butt (as my father would say) unless you do the 10 mile additional Lupus Loop.  If you've never done the Lupus Loop before, get your granny gear dusted off, because it's a little hilly.  But here's a little warning - it's not the Lupus hill itself that is the worst, but the one after that.  Registration opens at 6:00 AM the day of the ride at Thespian Hall, 522 Main Street, Booneville.

2) Saturday August 21 @ 3-4:00 PM:  The Boone Dawdle Ride begins leaving from Shiloh Bar and Grill.  More info here.  Big props go out to Cyclextreme for offering up some great raffle prizes, but also hosting a bike clinic in the parking lot of Shiloh's from 2 to 3:00 PM to help get your ride ready for the leisurely cruise up the trail.

3) Saturday August 21 @ 6:15 PM:  Missouri State Track Championships at Penrose Velodrome in Penrose Park, St. Louis.  More info here.

And mark your calendars for NEXT SUNDAY evening, August 29th. 

Columbia's very fist Cycle Chic Sunday ride is going down from 4:00 PM to 6:00 PM.  Bust out your nappy duds and your cruisers for a 5 mile tour through downtown COMO starting at Flat Branch Park.  This is a great opportunity for COMO cyclists to unite (whether you are a polo player, a roadie, fixie-loving hipster, a CX or MTB afficianado, recreational cyclist or hard core commuter) and show the community how many of us there are.....and how damned good we look. If you are unfamiliar with Cycle Chic Sunday concept, check this out.
Now onto the mail!

Dear PooBah,
From the things you write about, I'm guessing you consider yourself a "roadie" which probably means that you ride in ridiculously tight clothes.  I just cannot conceive of this.  When I ride to work in the morning, I have to be wearing loose fitting clothes, and prefer my favoirte pair of jeans and flannel shirt. Here's a photo of me riding to my office just yesterday morning.
I think most of the ire invoked by the community toward cyclists probably stems from individuals like yourself wearing your embarassing tight pants!  Nobody wants to see that....
Thanks for considering-
Charlie T.

Haters gonna hate.....but I so smell the faint aroma of denial about you....

Dear PooBah,
I was out riding the other evening when a deer jumped out of the woods along the roadside and ran in front of me.  We very nearly collided which scared me to death.  It could have killed me.  It occured to me that as cyclists, we don't often ride very defensively when it comes to encountering wildlife on the road.  Therefore, I've decided to offer a clinic about "Rural Riding" during which one of the exercises will involve what to do when encountering a large, antlered mammal.  We'll start by practicing with deer stand-ins at first...what do you think?  Can I sign you up as a participant?
Cindy G.
I really applaud you taking the initiative in starting a course like this....clearly it's much needed.  Just one question - is the thong part of your clinic's dress code?  You might want to send an invitation to Charlie, above.

Dear PooBah,
Let me preface this letter by explaining that I am an Associate Professor of Mechanical Engineering here at the University.  My comments are regarding the strength assessment of different race wheelsets.  So much has been written about which modality of mechanical testing is most appropriate for bicycle should they be tested in compression, in bending, in tension, etc.  From an engineering standpoint, it's a very complex issue.  Furthermore, materials testing machines can be very expensive to own and operate.  As you know, in these difficult economic times, it can be challenging to justify to the University the purchase of such expensive equipment.  However, I think I may have developed a much less expensive, and equally accurate, method of determining the strength and stiffness of various wheelsets that involves the use of two of my PhD students.  Please note that prior to testing, both students donned protective eyeware to prevent accidental injury subsequent to unexpected catastrophic failure.  I've photographed the mechanical testing process and submit this for your review.
Dr. Thomas Pascoe

Dr. Pascoe,
I might direct you to the University's policies regarding research addition to the odd bicycle spoke, there might be a few rules being bent by your lab as well.  At any rate, I'm sure this photograph will help you get your forthcoming manuscript through the peer-review process in a speedy fashion.  Best of luck.

Dear PooBah,
Thank you so much for posting my story about booting a tire with a Red Bud Leaf last week. It was nice to finally look at your blog and find a post worth reading. Maybe with a little help from your friends, this little hobby of yours might become bearable to the CoMo cycling scene. And with that, I would like to seek your advice. Recently, while taking a break from dominating the popular World of Warcraft (W.O.W.) video game, I came across the following video.

My question is this: Which niche sport do you think the opposite sex finds most attractive and why? I've been really lonely lately and am thinking of switching sports from cycling to something else. Do you think taking off my flamboyantly colored lycra and taking up the YoYo would increase my chances with the ladies? I have to admit, I've never received any action purely because I'm a cyclist. In fact, I'm starting to wonder if it's a repellent. Of course, they could just be intimidated by the fact that I am a level 80 Gnome Warlock in W.O.W.
Buck Russell

Great question!  I do think you should consider a switch in niche sports that would encompass all of your the fighting prowess you've developed playing W.O.W., your communicative abilities so eloquently demonstrated in your letters to me, and most importantly, the fierce intensity which which I'm sure you compete on the bike.  Combining all of these attributes into a sport will no doubt attract the ladies.  After doing much research, I've concluded that the following sport is your calling.

In fact, the women will likely be crawling all over you with such ferocity once they observe you pull this move out in Room 38, that you may find yourself forced to employ the "magazine of death"  on a few of them as well.  Make sure you have a copy of Ladies' Home Journal with you before you go out....oh wait, I'm sure you always do already.

Thanks for reading and sending in your letters!  Have a good weekend.

1 comment:

  1. Nice all around. The local cycling news is of course valuable, but I found that the yo-yo handling was off the chart. I will also be more careful when I handle a rolled up magazine in the future. I had no idea of it's potential. And lastly I would love to meet those young engineers. I have some equipment that I would like them to stress test as well.