Irrelevant but inspired

Sometimes (frequently) my day job is incredibly busy for stretches that last weeks at a time.  I'm in one of those stretches right now.  During times like this, it is difficult to do other things like spend time with the GEEC, or ride my bike, or blog, or read, or play with the dog as much as I would like.  And while the dog will still be happy to play with me late at night when I sometimes get home, and my books will wait patiently on the nightstand for me, and not that many people really read this blog anyway, and the GEEC is usually happy to have a break from me now and then.....not riding really gets me down.  Because not only do I lose the daily stress-relief that comes with an early morning or evening ride, but if too many days go by, then I feel myself losing a fitness level that is not easily achieved for me, and I start to slide backward.  And this is beyond frustrating.  I stop feeling relevant and part of the group that, for whatever reason, I try so desperately to be relevant in.  This reminded me of something I read on BikeSnob's blog yesterday....

Yesterday, BikeSnob NYC commented on the New York cyclist and master's Cat 2 amateur racer David Anthony who recently tested positive for EPO at this year's NYC Gran Fondo.  The New York Times ran a story on he and other amateur cyclists who have recently been caught doping and quote Anthony as saying:

"It wasn't for money, and it wasn't for winning," said Anthony, a three-time winner of the Tour of Battenkill race in upstate New York. "It was about being relevant in the group, which was pretty addicting."

BSNYC does a pretty good job (as ever) at mocking Anthony, and specifically takes aim at his motivation.  He says:

"Winning, I can understand, but he actually did it for social standing?"

Snob then suggests Anthony has less hope at redemption that someone who serially abuses cocaine.  I certainly am not condoning Anthony's actions in any way.  However, if there was ever a motivation for doping that I could at least comprehend, feeling "relevant" in a group would be it. 

This brings me to the Olympic Road Races of this past weekend, of which I made several observations.

#1)  The future of men's American cycling is so bright, it needs to wear shades.  At one point, there were three breaks that had formed on successive trips up Box Hill, and each one had an American in it: Timmy Duggan, Tejay van Garderen and Taylor Phinney.  They were tenacious, relentless and passionate literally, to the bitter end.

#2) Ditto for the women's race.  Evelyn Stevens and Shelley Olds' relentless attacks through the rain and slop were nothing less than pure inspiration.  On any given day, they could have been on that podium.

#3) For the several Lance-supporters who have told me they were disappointed to see a former doper (Vinokurov) win the men's race.  It truly is the time to wake up and smell the turd in the chamois, guys.

#4) Giro winner Ryder Hesjedal auctioned off his pink jersey to financially support country mate and fellow cyclist Denise Ramsden so that she could compete in this year's Olympic games.  One hundred Canadian Olympic athletes were short of funds to be able to compete, but thanks to the $10,300 that Hesjedal's jersey brought, Ramsden's trip was covered and then some. 

And in case you needed any more inspiring stories....check this out. 

The British (Olympics) are coming! Quit idling your bones!

Talk about low-hanging fruit.  This is almost too easy.  What can one say really?  The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree?  Like mother like daughter?  Don't worry, Mark - at least when your daughter's mother lifts up her dress, she does so while contemplating troubling geopolitical issues...Take this interview Peta Todd did for Loaded Magazine in which her dress has most definitely been lifted, but which doesn't stop her from thinking deep thoughts...

I sleep better at night knowing that while Peta Todd is showing her ass, she is also worried about the goings on in Pyongyang.  It's certainly more than what I am capable of when I am showing my ass, which usually occurs when the GEEC is eating her breakfast in the morning before work and I saunter out of the shower and drop my towel, turn around and say "Hey honey, did you see that beautiful full moon this morning?"  But as we've recently learned from Bradley Wiggins, Brits truly have their own unique vocabulary.  For example, in America, we use the term "couch potatoes" to describe the slothful, but in England, they are called "bone-idle wankers" as Wiggins instructed us not long ago.  However, it seems to me that the terms "wanker" and the state of being "bone-idle" seem to be contradictory (because if you are of the male persuasion, your 'bone' is anything but idle if you are......anyway - you get the picture.)  But what do I know - I'm just a "Yank" (which coincidentally enough, is a synonym of "wank" isn't it?)  At any rate - in specific reference to Peta and Mark and their concerns over the newly demonstrated exhibitionist tendencies of their daughter, the term "ass" when referencing one's posterior, isn't really even used in England as far as I can tell.  It's called an "arse" or "bum," I believe. 

And the discussion of "bums" brings me to what I really wanted to talk about today.  Not English "bums" but the good old-fashioned American version.  As you know, a little sports competition is set to begin this weekend in London called the Olympics, and there will be a handful of men and women riding their bikes in it.  On Saturday and Sunday are the men's and women's road races, respectively, and on Wednesday is the time trial.  I was curious to see who was going to be representin' (which is an American term) for the various countries, so I checked out this website showing the London Olympic 2012 cyclist's profiles complete with pictures used on their official ID badges. 

I was struck by how much the photos resemble mug-shots and look like a cavalcade of the homeless and incarcerated.  For your viewing pleasure, I bring you my favorites with some fictional charges they may have been brought in for. 

Sylvain Chavenel:

Heavily intoxicated,  he was arrested Monday morning at 3:30 AM in a Paris disco for asking a waitress to "rub his sore joint".

Taylor Phinney:

Brought in for questioning early yesterday regarding the theft of three extra boxes of condoms from the Olympic dispensary.  Upon questioning, Phinney stated, "You can never have too many spares...I live in fear of a puncture when I'm riding."

Frank Schleck:

Arrested last week for disorderly conduct when he was caught urinating through the open sunroof of a Nissan Altima owned by one Johan Bruyneel.  When questioned, he said, "I just suddenly had to go pee-pee very, very badly...."

Jakob Fuglsang:

Charged in Austria with indecent exposure when he tried to get a female pedestrian to fondle his "prized bratwurst" won during the recent Tour of Austria.

Fabian Cancellara:

Interrogated last week for allegedly dispensing diuretics without a license.

Cadel Evans:

Confused and disoriented, he was arrested late last Sunday evening for disorderly conduct when he was discovered staggering down the middle of the Champs-Elysees wearing a 2011 maillot jaune and no pants, saying he was looking for his lost stuffed lion plushie.

Branislau Samoilau:

Questioned Tuesday evening in London for the theft of Jonathan Vaughter's favorite argyle cardigan.

Peter Sagan:

Arrested for lewd conduct Wednesday morning in the outskirts of London during a training ride because passers by complained he had a cucumber stuffed down the front of his chamois shorts.  Upon further questioning, the accused, who is also known as "The Velvet Samurai," explained that he was just practicing his new victory salute for when he wins the Olympic road race.  An ensuing search was unable to identify any vegetable in his pants, however.  Charges were dropped. Bonsai.

Chris Horner:

Arrested for indecency when he was caught in public kissing the exposed derriere of an adult male wearing a Texas Longhorn's jersey with a giant yellow number '7' printed on it.

Timmy Duggan:

Found guilty of total bad-assery. Go get 'em Timmy!

Poseur

I've got news for you kids.  We're all cycling poseurs.  So let's just do us all a favor and get over ourselves.

Unless you are one these guys (or girls),

or are one of the handful of others like them that can actually quit their day job and be paid to do this, then you are, like me, a poseur.  And relative to someone like them, we both suck.  Got it?  Coming to terms with this fact will make riding so much more enjoyable, perhaps not for you, but certainly for those riding around you, especially on your next group ride.  So you finally CAT-ted up to a 3 and you've got yourself a bad-ass tattoo on each calf.  You know what?  This guy could still wipe with you any day of the week and twice on Sunday, and I'm guessing you don't even know who he is.

(Timmy Duggan, workhorse for Garmin-Slipstream).

Even if you do get paid to do this.  Even if you get paid a LOT to do this, you are not exempt from possessing massive quantities of poseur potential.

That reminds me, Race Across the Sky is playing tonight at the Forum 8....there you can watch someone pose for the 2000 cameras that were following him around incessantly.

This commentary isn't just directed at the roadies, either.  If you are the morning commuter that I see repeatedly on the MKT trail that rides a hybrid and makes a habit of nearly running down every walker and jogger out there, STOP.  True - you are not as douche-tastic as the guy I saw on the trail two weeks ago on a time trial bike, but you still almost ran over a perfectly good Shih-Tzu.  I don't even really like Shih-Tzus - but I do like dogs, and the morning commute down the MKT is not La Fleche Wallone. No matter how hard you imagine that you are under a canopy of trees in the Belgian Ardenne and are chasing down Davide Rebellin, you aren't.  Believe me, I spend most of my day imagining I'm not really here - but let's face it - you're riding to your piece of shit job - so slow the hell down and enjoy the ride - because that is likely going to be the best part of the day.

And for you you hipsters, or even hipster wanna-bes?  Take a lesson from this guy on CraigsList.

"I tried to be a part time hipster, but it hasn't worked out.  I so wanted to cruise through Hillsboro Village palping a wool cap and a Che Guevera T shirt.  I've tried to come slay the last few Critical Mass rides, but my kids always have soccer or want to go see Transformers or something.  Skinny leg jeans don't fit me right.  I'm too old.  I can't learn how to do a tail whip or a hockey stop because I'm afraid I'll get hurt and ruin my triathalon season.  I like Band of Horses but it seems that it's just not enough.  So, reality has overshadowed irony and nostalgia and I have decided with a heavy heart to sell my fixie."

There are some amazingly cool, non-LA, cycling events coming up this weekend.  The Berryman Epic Missouri Endurance Mountain Bike Race is going down and is Missouri's only Endurance Mountain Bike Race using the Berryman and Ozark Trails.  If you're a roadie, you could check out 89/68, an equally epic ride through the Ozark Mountains out of Jaspar, AR.  From what I've heard, this one will make you wish your mommy didn't meet your daddy.  But remember - no one is looking at you.  No one even knows you exist.  Phil Ligget will not be commenting on your form - he's too busy trying to find his Versus denim shirt made by LLBean.

And Paul Sherwen is occupied on his ranch in South Africa sipping a chardonnay and looking januty.

And nobody cares where Frankie Andreu is - he's a douchebag.  So don't worry about him.

Just make sure you are appropriately geared up for your ride.

Pedal on!