Thursday, October 22, 2009


I've got news for you kids.  We're all cycling poseurs.  So let's just do us all a favor and get over ourselves.

Unless you are one these guys (or girls),

or are one of the handful of others like them that can actually quit their day job and be paid to do this, then you are, like me, a poseur.  And relative to someone like them, we both suck.  Got it?  Coming to terms with this fact will make riding so much more enjoyable, perhaps not for you, but certainly for those riding around you, especially on your next group ride.  So you finally CAT-ted up to a 3 and you've got yourself a bad-ass tattoo on each calf.  You know what?  This guy could still wipe with you any day of the week and twice on Sunday, and I'm guessing you don't even know who he is.

(Timmy Duggan, workhorse for Garmin-Slipstream).

Even if you do get paid to do this.  Even if you get paid a LOT to do this, you are not exempt from possessing massive quantities of poseur potential.

That reminds me, Race Across the Sky is playing tonight at the Forum 8....there you can watch someone pose for the 2000 cameras that were following him around incessantly.

This commentary isn't just directed at the roadies, either.  If you are the morning commuter that I see repeatedly on the MKT trail that rides a hybrid and makes a habit of nearly running down every walker and jogger out there, STOP.  True - you are not as douche-tastic as the guy I saw on the trail two weeks ago on a time trial bike, but you still almost ran over a perfectly good Shih-Tzu.  I don't even really like Shih-Tzus - but I do like dogs, and the morning commute down the MKT is not La Fleche Wallone. No matter how hard you imagine that you are under a canopy of trees in the Belgian Ardenne and are chasing down Davide Rebellin, you aren't.  Believe me, I spend most of my day imagining I'm not really here - but let's face it - you're riding to your piece of shit job - so slow the hell down and enjoy the ride - because that is likely going to be the best part of the day.

And for you you hipsters, or even hipster wanna-bes?  Take a lesson from this guy on CraigsList.

"I tried to be a part time hipster, but it hasn't worked out.  I so wanted to cruise through Hillsboro Village palping a wool cap and a Che Guevera T shirt.  I've tried to come slay the last few Critical Mass rides, but my kids always have soccer or want to go see Transformers or something.  Skinny leg jeans don't fit me right.  I'm too old.  I can't learn how to do a tail whip or a hockey stop because I'm afraid I'll get hurt and ruin my triathalon season.  I like Band of Horses but it seems that it's just not enough.  So, reality has overshadowed irony and nostalgia and I have decided with a heavy heart to sell my fixie."

There are some amazingly cool, non-LA, cycling events coming up this weekend.  The Berryman Epic Missouri Endurance Mountain Bike Race is going down and is Missouri's only Endurance Mountain Bike Race using the Berryman and Ozark Trails.  If you're a roadie, you could check out 89/68, an equally epic ride through the Ozark Mountains out of Jaspar, AR.  From what I've heard, this one will make you wish your mommy didn't meet your daddy.  But remember - no one is looking at you.  No one even knows you exist.  Phil Ligget will not be commenting on your form - he's too busy trying to find his Versus denim shirt made by LLBean.

And Paul Sherwen is occupied on his ranch in South Africa sipping a chardonnay and looking januty.

And nobody cares where Frankie Andreu is - he's a douchebag.  So don't worry about him.

Just make sure you are appropriately geared up for your ride.

Pedal on!

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