Go flag yourself

Wow - what a stage in yesterday's USA Pro Challenge To Make A Race in Colorado That Has No Mention of the Word Colorado in the Title!  If you were like me, you were watching the race on your work computer in a tiny window covered up by lots of bigger windows opened up to porn websites so that everyone else in the office would think everything was status quo.  But I almost gave myself away toward the end of the stage when I started yelling at the computer  - which I almost never do when I'm watching porn....other than that one time.  Anyway - what a nail biter...

Tommy D, barely holding off the chase group for the win!

 

I know I wasn't alone in my excitement either when I saw what MO State Crit Champ Austin Vinton Twatted in this Tweet:

 



If Tommy D wins this I will swallow a garmin whole
— Austin V (@austinjosephv) August 22, 2012
 

To which I responded:

@austinjosephv Upload the data to Strava - I want to see if the transit time of your GI system is as fast as mine. #KOMturdmaker
— COMO CYCO POOBAH (@COMOCYCO) August 22, 2012
 

Well, this must have hacked Mr. Vinton off, because he sent me an email challenging me to a race.  And, I'm happy to announce I took Austin up on his challenge of going mono a mono, (or colon a colon as the case may be) - and after a lengthy discussion between his agent and my agent to get the details sorted out - a gastrointestinal match sprint commenced last evening.  Both he and I swallowed our Garmin 500s precisely at 6:00 PM. Upon retrieving them this morning (mine after three espressos and a bear claw), we uploaded the data to Strava.  Here's Austin's mapped segment:

GI transit time: 11 hours, 32 minutes

 

And my data:

GI transit time: 13 hours, 22 minutes

 

On first glance, it would appear as though Austin beat me.  However, I have it on good authority that he chased his Garmin 500 with two tablets of Ex-Lax and a Metamucil shake.  Therefore I issued an official protest and had his entry 'flagged' - which means that I have actually claimed the KOM crown (KOM = King of Movements).

 

Never heard of a flagged Strava entry?  Well neither had I until recently when my trusty sidekick, Pickle 2, did a little experiment on Easley hill.  One sunny Saturday morning, Pickle rode up the hill with his Garmin....only it was sitting in the passenger seat of his car.  He uploaded the data as though he had made the ascent on his bike and posted the data to Strava.  Not surprisingly, he was instantly awarded the KOM for ascending the 0.8 mile Easley hill at 19.2 m/h.

 

That Pickle can flat out MOVE!

 

Approximately 6 minutes after Pickle posted his KOM-worthy ascent of the big hill, he got a response from someone, whose name I've changed to "Mr. Rogers" for the sake of anonymity.

 

Was this Easley climb on a bike?

 

When Pickle didn't respond, the ride was 'flagged' and the KOM status was rightly returned to Mr. Rogers.  By the speed of Mr. Roger's response, and his sheer dominance in KOM crowns around COMO, I wonder if he keeps constant surveillance of Strava, maintaining each of his KOM segments open on his desktop computer and mobile devices at all times. Once an alert pops up on his smart phone that one of his KOMs has been bested, he assesses the data, and dashes over to a fire pole that descends into his garage where his bike lies waiting, tires inflated, chain lubed, skinsuit draped over top tube, bottles full of a 50:50 mix of Red Bull and Cytomax, ready to go at a moment's notice like the Batmobile, eager to reclaim his glory. 

 

The problem with our experiment is that Pickle went up the damn hill too damn fast resulting in him getting called out by Mr. Rogers and subsequently flagged.  But in light of the recent lawsuit surrounding Strava, I'm a little worried this was a reckless stunt to begin with.  What if Pickle's KOM didn't get flagged, and it inspired a whole host of COMO's Strava-teers to go out there and try to best it, and someone stroked out while climbing that stinking hill trying to beat a time that was actually set by Pickle's Bugatti (yes, Pickle drives a Bugatti - I really need to figure out how much we are paying him).

 

At any rate, now that I've flagged Mr. Vinton for inappropriate use of cathartics - I think my GI King of bowel Movements crown will remain safely on my own colon, thank you very much.  And rather than laying down the gauntlet, I will lay down the adult diaper to any COMO Strava-naut that thinks they can best it.  I may not ride a bike up a hill very fast, but I've always taken the advice of "shit or get off the pot" to heart and know how to do just that.

 

Speaking of flagging results, I still have no idea how Christian VandeVelde took the yellow jersey from Tejay VanGarderen yesterday when they finished in the same group.  To add confusion, BMC had previously filed a protest over the Crested Butte stage saying Tejay had gapped VandeVelde coming into the mountain finish on Tuesday suggesting that he should actually have a couple of seconds on the Garmin rider.  One would think the race officials could have reviewed the televised finish (or alternatively just looked at this photo).....

 

and made an immediate ruling on it, but they said they wouldn't make a decision until today - two days later?  And then BMC's director Michael Sayers decided to lash out at Team RadioShack for not doing any work in helping bring back Danielson yesterday and made the quote regarding the possum-playing RadioShack squad, "I think they forgot that the women's race is later in the week." Not a cool thing to say from the BMC leader as firstly, his team leader's wife, Jessica VanGarderen, is the race organizer for the women's race, the Blue Ribbon Alpine Challenge.  And secondly, the women's race was actually run yesterday and had to be shortened to a single day's criterium versus the previous 3-day event last year because of an absolute lack of funds.  Sayers can rip on the Shack all he wants, but slighting the women's race like that was pretty low...I think his ass needs to be flagged for that comment....

Irrelevant but inspired

Sometimes (frequently) my day job is incredibly busy for stretches that last weeks at a time.  I'm in one of those stretches right now.  During times like this, it is difficult to do other things like spend time with the GEEC, or ride my bike, or blog, or read, or play with the dog as much as I would like.  And while the dog will still be happy to play with me late at night when I sometimes get home, and my books will wait patiently on the nightstand for me, and not that many people really read this blog anyway, and the GEEC is usually happy to have a break from me now and then.....not riding really gets me down.  Because not only do I lose the daily stress-relief that comes with an early morning or evening ride, but if too many days go by, then I feel myself losing a fitness level that is not easily achieved for me, and I start to slide backward.  And this is beyond frustrating.  I stop feeling relevant and part of the group that, for whatever reason, I try so desperately to be relevant in.  This reminded me of something I read on BikeSnob's blog yesterday....

Yesterday, BikeSnob NYC commented on the New York cyclist and master's Cat 2 amateur racer David Anthony who recently tested positive for EPO at this year's NYC Gran Fondo.  The New York Times ran a story on he and other amateur cyclists who have recently been caught doping and quote Anthony as saying:

"It wasn't for money, and it wasn't for winning," said Anthony, a three-time winner of the Tour of Battenkill race in upstate New York. "It was about being relevant in the group, which was pretty addicting."

BSNYC does a pretty good job (as ever) at mocking Anthony, and specifically takes aim at his motivation.  He says:

"Winning, I can understand, but he actually did it for social standing?"

Snob then suggests Anthony has less hope at redemption that someone who serially abuses cocaine.  I certainly am not condoning Anthony's actions in any way.  However, if there was ever a motivation for doping that I could at least comprehend, feeling "relevant" in a group would be it. 

This brings me to the Olympic Road Races of this past weekend, of which I made several observations.

#1)  The future of men's American cycling is so bright, it needs to wear shades.  At one point, there were three breaks that had formed on successive trips up Box Hill, and each one had an American in it: Timmy Duggan, Tejay van Garderen and Taylor Phinney.  They were tenacious, relentless and passionate literally, to the bitter end.

#2) Ditto for the women's race.  Evelyn Stevens and Shelley Olds' relentless attacks through the rain and slop were nothing less than pure inspiration.  On any given day, they could have been on that podium.

#3) For the several Lance-supporters who have told me they were disappointed to see a former doper (Vinokurov) win the men's race.  It truly is the time to wake up and smell the turd in the chamois, guys.

#4) Giro winner Ryder Hesjedal auctioned off his pink jersey to financially support country mate and fellow cyclist Denise Ramsden so that she could compete in this year's Olympic games.  One hundred Canadian Olympic athletes were short of funds to be able to compete, but thanks to the $10,300 that Hesjedal's jersey brought, Ramsden's trip was covered and then some. 

And in case you needed any more inspiring stories....check this out.