The Lanterne Rouge....making peace with your knechtenrol.

After a week at the conference in Walla Walla, I'm happy to report that the COMO CYCO blog came in 108th place out of 109 entries in the Blogger's Organization for Online Bicyclists (BOOB) Best Cycling Blog of 2009 competition.  You may wonder why I'm so excited about coming in next to last.  In short, the placement appeals to me because it essentially mirrors the result of many of my races.  Prior to any given race, the first thing I do is ensure that the organizers have not formed an additional Cat 6 classification that I could enter comprised of recumbants, cargo bikes, and cyclists towing Shih Tzu's in Burley trailers.  If not, then I enter as a Cat 5 and start to hunt for the biggest, hairiest guy I can find wearing a Primal Wear Jersey....something like this if possible:

 As soon as the leaders drop me, I find my rotund target wearing the 'Organ Grinder' jersey and wheelsuck him for the remainder of the race, only to attempt to pimp him at the finish line to avoid the lanterne rouge.  At the conference, the blogging equivalent to my big boy in the Primal Wear was the blog entitled:  Andy Shleck: best bike racer in the universe.  Easy pickings despite them having twice as many followers than we do because everybody already knows that  former World Champion Paolo Bettini is actually the best bike racer in the universe, and not Andy Shleck, ever since Bettini started flossing his taint with a piece of wood.

But I mention the lanterne rouge as though it were a bad word.  In reality, the designation of 'last place' can be a coveted titled that some, it would seem, actually seek out.  Take Belgian cyclist Wim Vansevenant who raced for Silence Lotto from 2003-2008.  He distinguished himself as being the only cyclist to have finished the Tour de France in last place three times.  And he did so in consecutive years....2006, 2007 and 2008. 

In seeking out some additional information I stumbled upon his official page on the Silence Lotto team website from 2008.  His bio was written in Dutch, which I had translated into English with the help of Google Translator.  Regarding his status as bearer of the lantern rouge, this is what the translated biopic stated.

"Vansevenant may at a first meeting happened earlier cold and indifferent.  Yet appearances can not deceive in his case.  Vansevenant has peace with his knechtenrol.  It is a role as one another and also not to underestimate driving holes closed, bottles get, get on a mountain, the wind driving the pitfalls of the course decipher.  Few developed zoeen mastery in this role as Vansevenant."

Last place or not, how many of us can say we've made peace with our "knechtenrol?"

At any rate, it's good to be home once again.  Although there is no cycling in the winter Olympics, I have to admit being captivated by the proceedings therein.  However, like many probably were, I was quite disturbed by one thing during the Olympic coverage this past weekend:  Bob Costas' hair.

I'm not sure if this is a hairpiece, or an extra-liberal use of some Grecian forumula, but something ain't right.  Perhaps it's the pressure that a commentator on a major network feels to continue to look young.  I guess we should consider ourselves lucky that NBC doesn't carry cycling.  Can you image what they would do to poor Phil Liggett?

Pedal on!

Poseur

I've got news for you kids.  We're all cycling poseurs.  So let's just do us all a favor and get over ourselves.

Unless you are one these guys (or girls),

or are one of the handful of others like them that can actually quit their day job and be paid to do this, then you are, like me, a poseur.  And relative to someone like them, we both suck.  Got it?  Coming to terms with this fact will make riding so much more enjoyable, perhaps not for you, but certainly for those riding around you, especially on your next group ride.  So you finally CAT-ted up to a 3 and you've got yourself a bad-ass tattoo on each calf.  You know what?  This guy could still wipe with you any day of the week and twice on Sunday, and I'm guessing you don't even know who he is.

(Timmy Duggan, workhorse for Garmin-Slipstream).

Even if you do get paid to do this.  Even if you get paid a LOT to do this, you are not exempt from possessing massive quantities of poseur potential.

That reminds me, Race Across the Sky is playing tonight at the Forum 8....there you can watch someone pose for the 2000 cameras that were following him around incessantly.

This commentary isn't just directed at the roadies, either.  If you are the morning commuter that I see repeatedly on the MKT trail that rides a hybrid and makes a habit of nearly running down every walker and jogger out there, STOP.  True - you are not as douche-tastic as the guy I saw on the trail two weeks ago on a time trial bike, but you still almost ran over a perfectly good Shih-Tzu.  I don't even really like Shih-Tzus - but I do like dogs, and the morning commute down the MKT is not La Fleche Wallone. No matter how hard you imagine that you are under a canopy of trees in the Belgian Ardenne and are chasing down Davide Rebellin, you aren't.  Believe me, I spend most of my day imagining I'm not really here - but let's face it - you're riding to your piece of shit job - so slow the hell down and enjoy the ride - because that is likely going to be the best part of the day.

And for you you hipsters, or even hipster wanna-bes?  Take a lesson from this guy on CraigsList.

"I tried to be a part time hipster, but it hasn't worked out.  I so wanted to cruise through Hillsboro Village palping a wool cap and a Che Guevera T shirt.  I've tried to come slay the last few Critical Mass rides, but my kids always have soccer or want to go see Transformers or something.  Skinny leg jeans don't fit me right.  I'm too old.  I can't learn how to do a tail whip or a hockey stop because I'm afraid I'll get hurt and ruin my triathalon season.  I like Band of Horses but it seems that it's just not enough.  So, reality has overshadowed irony and nostalgia and I have decided with a heavy heart to sell my fixie."

There are some amazingly cool, non-LA, cycling events coming up this weekend.  The Berryman Epic Missouri Endurance Mountain Bike Race is going down and is Missouri's only Endurance Mountain Bike Race using the Berryman and Ozark Trails.  If you're a roadie, you could check out 89/68, an equally epic ride through the Ozark Mountains out of Jaspar, AR.  From what I've heard, this one will make you wish your mommy didn't meet your daddy.  But remember - no one is looking at you.  No one even knows you exist.  Phil Ligget will not be commenting on your form - he's too busy trying to find his Versus denim shirt made by LLBean.

And Paul Sherwen is occupied on his ranch in South Africa sipping a chardonnay and looking januty.

And nobody cares where Frankie Andreu is - he's a douchebag.  So don't worry about him.

Just make sure you are appropriately geared up for your ride.

Pedal on!