Monday, March 29, 2010

Throwing caution to the wind....small fuzzy creatures

This past weekend was a huge one for the road racing scene. I'm not just speaking of Europe, which certainly was full of surprises (the first match up of Contador vs. Armstrong that went off like a dud)....but rather locally. Sunday saw the Forest Park Spring Criterium which was won by local CBC strong man and 2010 Froze Toes winner, Dave Henderson as reported by his teamate, Dr. Dan.

I don't know about St. Louis, but locally the wind was howling which made me wonder how true the saying "March comes in like a lion, and out like a lamb", really is. In addition to the wind, my March is not exiting in baby sheep fashion, but rather like something smaller and slightly more pungent.  Specifically, as I neared the midway point of my ride on Sunday, I looked ahead and saw what I thought was a black cat, walking across the road.  Being only slightly superstitious, I quickly took out my lucky rabbit's foot and rubbed it three times to ward off any evil ju-ju I might have picked up.  But as I got closer to the cat, I realized this was no ordinary feline but rather an honest-to-God, Pepe LePew and unless I stuck my rabbit's foot up my nose, it would do precious little to ward off the ju-ju this fellow was packing.
Next I realized that he had just crossed onto the north side of the road, into the northwesterly gale that was now blowing directly in my face.  I managed to slip out my camera phone just in time to capture the moment before I scooted by him, thankfully unscathed.

I took this incident, not as an omen, but more of a reminder about life.  This was a clear lesson that around any given corner may lie in waiting a small, fuzzy creature that is ready to blow ass all over you.  Thus, it would seem, you can never be too careful.  I was further reminded of this when I happened upon this cyclist as I rode back into town.

Clearly, he too, was a major proponent of taking every possible precaution.....note the double pegged pants (even on the left!) and day-glo yellow jacket with reflective strips.  I don't know how necessary all of these saftety measures were in avoiding a traffic altercation whilst tangling his pants in the chain, but they probably provided a much more effective barrier to errant skunk funk than what I was wearing at the time.

But whereas one can usually do a pretty decent job in avoiding malodorous wildlife while on a bicycle, it can be nearly impossible to avoid the dangers of a wreckless driver, so this gentleman's attire is certainly justified.  As cyclists, we have recently been made aware on repeated occasions of the dangers motorists pose to us as they drive while texting or talking on a cell phone.  Well, news comes now of a new, and possibly greater risk to us: the pube-shaving driver:

Yes, Ms. Meghan Barnes crashed into another car while she was trying to shave ye' old hoo-ha behind the wheel the day after she was arrested for hitting a cyclist while DUI.  This is concerning, to say the least, to all cyclists who are especially vulnerable to distracted drivers.  But perhaps the concern was most acutely felt by her new boyfriend who was being hidden from the fact that the rug most certainly wasn't going to match the curtains, as if he couldn't tell that already.

As the days lengthen, and the pasty white calves of springtime once again emerge on the roadways, we must remember that warmer temperatures may also bring with it more fervent pubic hair management.  Our busy schedules demand some degree of multitasking, so I suppose it is inevitable that just as some might drink their morning coffee in the car, others may elect to groom their nether-thatches while behind the wheel...It's called DWD.....Depilating While Driving.  In Ms. Barnes defense, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be well-groomed for your first date...And as cyclists, we all know a thing or two about being well-shaven. I can't speak for being in the car and witnessing it, but I personally felt pretty traumatized the first time I saw Bush on a bicycle.

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