Friday, March 12, 2010

Dear PooBah: Friday Mail....special Jens Voigt kicks ass edition.

I have to start today by simply asking, "How much does Jens Voigt kick ass?"  And  I say this not because he spent Wednesday in the yellow jersey in Paris-Nice (although I could be), but rather because of his repsonse reported in VeloNews to Saxo Bank director Kim Andersen's announcement that his team would not compete in the Criterium International, the classic two-day, three stage race.  As a bit of background: Voigt is the reigning champion of this race as he has won it 5 times, and yet his team surprisingly does not have the event on their schedule for this year, denying Voigt a chance to go for number 6.  With the current other race commitments, Saxo Bank apparently doesn't have enough riders to send the 6 man minimum to start the CI race.  And what has Voigt's response been?

"Can't I just start alone?  I don't need a team.  All I need is a mechanic and a car!  I can take the jersey on the first day, then I can just hide in the bunch, then you do a time trial.  You don't need anybody else."

When asked about the change in location of the race from the occasionally chilly French Ardennes to the sunny, warm island of Corsica for this year, his response was...

"...they are going to have stupid, warm weather down there, and I don't like that.  I like it to be hard, nasty and stressful, that's good for me."

On with the mail!

Dear PooBah
Spring is in the air!  And unfortunately, squirrels are in the road.  Any idea what I can do about this?
Rocky J.S.

You gotta love carbon - eh?  Think of it this didn't just buy yourself a new fork, you inherited a Davy Crocket hat.....sort of.....

Dear PooBah,
My team decided to all grow moustaches to develop some solidarity and boost spirit.  It was going really well until my teammate Carl decided to turn his into a full beard, which really pisses me off, because I can't grow a beard - and now he keeps gloating and rubbing it in my face.  Advice?
Bill R.
Bill -
Let me make sure I understood you correctly?  Carl keeps rubbing his beard in your face?  File this one under don't ask, don't tell, man.  No seriously, try putting some Nair on the chin strap of his helmet before your next training ride.  It won't eradicate the entire beard, but should give him a nice horizontal racing stripe.

Dear PooBah,
I was wondering if you could provide some information on rear view mirrors for bicycles.  Do they enhance cyclist safety?  I know there are different varieties that exist....some for helmets, some that attach to handle bars and the like.  But I've read that fashion-wise, they are a huge no-no.  I just got one for my bike and have attached a picture of it.  Can you tell me if it looks unsightly enough that anyone is going to laugh at me?
Billy T.
The mirror is fine....What's got me most concerned about your ensemble is that your thong doesn't match the color of your UGG boots.....Listen - you've got to remember the rule that belt color ALWAYS matches your shoe color...and if you're wearing a thong instead of pants and a belt - then the rule transposes itself accordingly.

Dear PooBah
Can you recommend a good bike rack for carrying heavy loads?  The one I'm using currently just seems so undersized for my cargo!
Kerry P.

Yes, it does appear as though you could do with a larger rack to carry your  Have you considered trying to squeeze it into a box, instead?

Dear PooBah-
I ride my bike everywhere and really want to start commuting to work by bike as well.  The problem is, I hate having to carry an extra pair of shoes to work in once I arrive.  I've heard that there are more options of clipless cycling shoes that are fashionably acceptable at the workplace as well.  Do you have any suggestions for me?  By the way I'm the head waitress at the Hooters just off the highway. 
Babs H.

Dear Babs...
Try these: 

Dear PooBah:
I've heard of some cyclists catching major shit from commuters if they try to take their bikes on the subway.  Well, I've found that your choice of clothing can make all the difference in the attitude of  the people around you.  Take me for example - if I have to take my bike on the subway, I will now put on some really dark sunglasses and have found this to give me an air of mystery or something - but people tend to back off a bit more....I may get a lot of looks, but so far, not a single guy has hassled me yet since I started doing it.  Just thought I'd pass along the tip for your readers.
Tiffy C.
Tiffy -
Thanks for the tip....keep rocking the glasses...they definitely seem to be doing the trick.

Dear PooBah-
I know Pabst Blue Ribbon seems to be the beer of choice for today's cycling generation, but I'd just like to put in a plug for Coors Light.  As marketing director for Coors, I should make you  aware that we have a patented technology called "Cold Activated Cans."  Our cans are the coldest on the market....check them for yourself.
Yours -
Gina H.

Yes indeed.....downright chilly.  Speaking of cold better put on a coat or something, it looks like you may be coming down with some niggles.

Thanks for reading everyone.  Have a great weekend!


1 comment:

  1. this is simple situation, if I been in a contest, and the two contesters in front of me are the two last girls in the two last pictures, well I will the third place jajajaja.