Monday, August 27, 2012

Learning from the King: racing and jorting

Oh Google Translate, how I adore you.  You are like the Mad Libs of the 21st century...especially when you talk about cycling:

From the Danish site comes this story of Lance Armstrong's return to bike racing this past weekend - a mountain bike race in Aspen...translated, for our benefit, by Google:

Lance Armstrong got beaten up in Colorado
Lance Armstrong started his career as a pure amateur athlete in the weekend with a defeat. He lost to a 16-year-old boy in a mountain bike in Colorado.
While many of the dethroned Tour de France king's old teammates drove U.S. Pro Challenge, also in Colorado, then asked Armstrong to Aspen Snowmass-Power of the Tour is not far away, where he placed second Square and got laesterlige lost to 16-year-old Keegan Swirbul who came in goal 5 minutes before Armstrong.
"Had fun by running Aspen Snowmass-Power of the Tour this morning. Got beaten by the guy who is young enough to be my son.  Keegan Swirbul - remember the name," tweeted Armstrong on Sunday afternoon.  And despite his earlier assurances that he would no longer comment on his case with USADA, he could not help.
"There is no one should feel sorry for me.  I have five great children and a wonderful boyfriend.  My cancer fund has not been damaged by this case.  In fact, increased donations to the Lance Armstrong Foundation to the 25-double the current level by the end of Thursday night.  I can assure everyone that I have a lot to look forward to.  I actually have not felt so relaxed the last ten years, as I do now," said Armstrong after the race according to Sportwereld.
He is apparently not very concerned at the prospect that his new career as a professional triathlete is over almost before it had begun.
"It's not about results. I play sports to stay in shape. I enjoy the beautiful landscape and a hard route as here in Aspen.  Some might say that it's ridiculous to spend a day off to suffer in this way on a bike.  But I've enjoyed it.  And I think it's perfectly fine that I'm a young guy who could in reality be my son.  He's fucking talent."
It's refreshing to hear that despite being beaten up in Colorado, Lance is still relaxed, has come out of the closet and is also somehow his own son.  Thank you Google translate.  This is the best bit of Lance reporting I've read in a while. 
But no matter how relaxed and out-of-the closet LA might think he is - it just simply cannot compare to this guy spotted at the US Pro Challenge yesterday by Velo Magazine editor Neal Rogers:
The Lion King - Mario Cipollini, replete with open shirt, aviators and cargo pants.  Armstrong could learn a thing or two about how to enjoy retirement from this guy.  And while chilling at the Pro Challenge, Cipo even made it his mission to try to reintroduce what has become a quagmire in men's fashion, the ever-tricky jean-shorts, or 'jorts' as they are now called:
Jorts have come and gone in men's summer fashion - but now that Cipo has stamped his oily seal of approval on them, it's only a matter of time before cycling Freds across the country begin to sport them while watching the local crit series and Pearl Izumi attempts to sew a 7 panel chamois into a pair.  Witness; the mere presence of Cipo in jorts forces two disembodied hands to appear out of nowhere and reach into a wallet to give Cipo money - for apparently no other reason that to get to stand in his presence!  
Come to think of it, Cipo might have learned that trick from Lance.

1 comment:

  1. We want more pics of hot girls. Although Cipo may be hot he is not a girl.