Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Inventing shit and saving the world.

A reader sent me the following email this morning:

Dear PooBah,

I've got a kick-ass Swedish video that you HAVE to see.  It's from Sweden.
Check it out and let me know what you think.


I joke.  Actually, I wish that was the video he sent me.  The actual video Jorgen sent me was the following, entitled "The Invisible Bicycle Helmet."

Necessity, they say, is the mother of invention.  Anna Haupt and Terese Alstin have created an invention that....well, only its mother (or mothers in this case) could truly love.  In a nut shell, these women astutely sensed the need to completely redesign the bicycle helmet because:

1) "Bicycle helmets have always looked the same"
2) "It would be revolutionary"
3) They're "going to save the world"
4) To "become millionaires" and lastly
5) To try to achieve more comfort...

Regarding this last point, one of the creators explains,
"I always thought bike helmets were extremely uncomfortable."

...despite being apparently unfazed by the discomfort of wearing these:

Continues Anna, or maybe its Terese (I don't know which is which)....regarding conventional bike helmets...

"They're so bulky, like a hard mushroom on your head."

Was it just me - or did anyone else pick up on some awkward silence after Terese (or Anna) said, "like a hard mushroom on your head."  Moving on....

The women thus set out on a 7 year, 10 million dollar journey to design the world's first 'Invisible Helmet'.  According to the video they first "studied bicycle accidents and compared them to normal biking."  (For me, biking accidents are synonymous with normal biking - but that's why I'm nursing a fucked up shoulder incurred from just trying to pedal to work one morning.  I digress.) 

The inventors justify their mission:
"Cars are so yesterday. Bikes are the future."

As you can see, the girls are riding their bikes amongst a sea of cars (which shall henceforth be called "yesterday-mobiles" ) apparently helmetless.  Or ARE they?  Clever girls...

They get to work on their project in one of those refurbished warehouses with open-air office settings and whiteboards where everyone gets to interact and share ideas freely, probably pausing frequently to get in Nerf gun fights with their bosses and then have breakout sessions...

The women are wisely retrospective, and take time to marvel at what they've been able to achieve despite the fact they have breasts and ovaries.
"People wonder how girls could invent anything this technical."

Wow.  Ladies, I was wondering exactly the same thing!  Considering the historically poor math skills on standardized tests, tendencies to cry easily and the inability to safely commute to work one week of every month for fear of being mauled by bears attracted to your menstrual blood, it's a wonder the project has only taken seven years to complete!  But as we are carefully informed, the key ingredient to an orderly workplace is "getting a rooster," which must be Swedish slang for "hiring a female secretary to wear short skirts, make coffee and take memos."

"Get a rooster, and there will be order!"

So, so true.  The last thing anyone wants is a bunch of cocks running around the coop, smacking their hard mushrooms on people's heads.

At this point, it is finally time for the payoff.  Ladies, show us your Invisible Helmets...

Woah, whoa - hang on there sister!  Sure, I don't see a helmet on your head, but what's with the stiff shirtless turtleneck you are zipping on there?  It looks like someone ripped the collar off of a puffy ski-coat.  I don't get how that's going to....

Oh I get it now!  It's like a Go-Go-Gadget inflatable raft....only for you head!

I know that some of you out there may be scoffing at this idea because a) it's not invisible, b) wearing a 5 pound collar made of nylon fabric, with accelerometer and sodium azide/postassium nitrate canisters around your neck looks potentially more uncomfortable than a 250 gram styrofoam lid, c) turtlenecks are so.....yesterday (kind of like cars) d) it was designed by feeble-minded girls.  But I disagree and have already ordered a couple.  Sure, I'm a little worried about premature inflation when I eat shit going over the first set of barriers racing cross this season - but after that, my noggin is going to be living the sweet life for the rest of the race, tucked away safely in its own personal blimp-crib, while yours is going to look like a giant, swollen, uncomfortable, hard mushroom.

And as much as I am going to love using this little gem, I have to warn these women that this isn't the first time someone has tried to re-invent an everyday necessity so that it wouldn't have to be there to uncomfortably nag at you when you didn't want it to, but rather could be summoned with a simple puff of air should the "need" arise...

Thus, I've engaged in my own entrepreneurial spirit and have taken the liberty of combining the two ideas.  Now you can kill two birds with one stone and have your inflatable companion ride your bike with you while simultaneously protecting your head!

And it didn't even cost me 10 million dollars.  

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