Friday, October 28, 2011

Happy Halloween Friday Mail!

Karma's a bitch.  Tuesday, I wrote a little post in which I teased the local all-women's cycling group which calls themselves the PCBC (which has something to do with feline restraint).  That night I rode over to Grindstone to do some "squatchy cross drills" which consist of me lumbering through the woods on bike and grunting and sweating a lot.  As I rounded one corner of a grassy lane, I caught a glimpse of something black moving really fast.....right at me.  By the time my brain registered that it was a black Labrador retriever going hell bent for leather after a Jack Russel terrier, it was too late.  The lab slammed herself into my front wheel which resulted in me doing a Half-Joey en-do and landing squarely on my head.  And somewhere, some PCBC women giggled....

Anyway - here's your last reminder about tomorrow's MONSTER BIKE BASH!
As ever, the good people at OffTrack events have put together an amazing event for us all tomorrow - and the weather is supposed to be spectacular.

In other news - I feel remiss in not sending out a congratulations to Mark Cavendish in the announcement that hs is going to be a father.  He and his significant other, 'Page 3' model Ms. Peta Todd, are expecting, as was announced this week.
Says the oft-topless Ms. Todd: "We planned it.  I'm four months gone which means it was conceived in July, during the Tour de France.  It's a Tour baby," she said.  "We haven't found out the sex yet but we will.  I think it's a boy because I've already had a boy, but Mark thinks it's a girl.  Athletes often conceive girls during the racing season as their testosterone levels are low."

Hold on a tick.  A "Tour baby"?  That makes it sounds like this is a regular thing, which I guess makes sense.  I mean - the Tour is three weeks long, afterall.....unless you are a sprinter - in which case the Tour is typically only a couple days long.  But hang on - Cavs actually finished the race this year (barely)....and he even won the green jersey signifying that he was the fastest (unfortunately for Peta).  It certainly is interesting about how most babies conceived during race season are girls due to cyclists' lower testosterone levels.  I guess if Peta gives birth to twin boys, we'll know he had a couple of T-patches on his scrote to help him get over the Alps.  But at least the twins will be well-fed!

And with that - on to a couple of letters!

Dear PooBah,
Have you heard of the Iceman Cometh Challenge bike race on November 5th in Michigan?  I'm sure you've seen who their new sponsor is - right?  Here's a hint!
Paul T.
Traverse City, MI

Hey Paul!  Yup - none other than Bell's Brewery....elixir of the Gods!  But I also hear the REAL "Iceman" is going to make a guest appearance.  He's already working on developing an all-natural method of insulating himself from the frigidly brutal cold temperatures that are anticipated.

Dear PooBah,
I'm really worried about my girlfriend.  She spends every moment she's not at work on her bicycle.  I hardly even ever see her!  The other night it was pouring rain outside, so I thought we'd finally be able to go out together - but she said she needed to spend the evening "working on her bikes."  The next day I snuck into her appartment and this is what I found!

What am I supposed to do now?
Meredith G.
Reston, VA

Calm down.  Everything is going to be OK.  At least you didn't have to walk in on her bike lounging in her bed completely naked - right?  Anyway - try to accept that you are not the only lady in your lover's life....embrace the fact.  Maybe even buy your significant other a T-shirt to celebrate it....I have a suggestion.

Dear PooBah,
How do you like my T-shirt???

Hey!  Your name isn't Jackie Chan, is it?

Dear PooBah,
I really liked your blog post about the PCBC group this past Tuesday, and I support them completely.  I hope all the ladies enjoy Halloween....and in case none of them have ideas for decent costumes - here are a couple they may find useful.
Richard F.

People!  Let it go already!  I mean it!

Dear PooBah,
As a woman, I find bib-shorts to be entirely uncomfortable to wear.  I really prefer riding in just regular shorts.  However, they never stay where I want them to and ride down too much - and I feel as though I have to constantly pull them up. But I have stumbled upon a little trick to help maintain the position of non-bib shorts while riding that I wanted to share with your readers.
I hope this will help the ladies out there!
Thanks so much -
Tricia G.

I dig they way you've color coordinated your suspenders and jorts to match the colors of your Peugot fixie.  And thanks so much for the tip.  I have a feeling it will help more guys than girls, somehow - but hey - you never know.

Have a great weekend!


  1. The little guy is a pack of smokes -that's awesome!

    Ride safe PooBah

  2. Marlboro likes 'em starting young! Nice!

    I believe Jackie Chan is busy shooting on location.

    Poobah, after you flipped over the dog, did this pop up in your mind?

  3. Jackie sees all and knows all.

    Jackie doesnt want hipsters to die. In fact, thats why Jackie has a three part plan to help hipsters live a long and successful life.

    1. Stop smoking. Smoking hasnt been cool since 1968.
    2. Stop drinking. Drinking makes people lose their ambition. Hipters ambition levels are already at about 1%. I mean, working for $7.00 per hour is not going to pay off that masters degree in art history anytime soon.
    3. Wear larger pants. Your legs are your weapons. How will you roundhouse kick someone straight to hell if your pants are constrictive? It would be like an American pussy (who needs guns) sewing his holster shut.