Friday, November 4, 2011


You may be wondering where I've been all week.  I could lie and say I've been incredibly busy with work - but I don't want to insult your intelligence like that.  So I will be truthful.  This week I got the new iPhone 4S....which honestly meant absolutely nothing to first that is.  I simply needed a new phone out of necessity.  My old iPhone was rendered nearly unusable after the GEEC tried to dribble it on the garage floor a couple of times.  Funny things about iPhones - they are pretty amazing little gadgets, but they don't bounce well.  Anyway - after receiving the iPhone 4S, I learned that I can actually converse with a female-voiced internal computer named "Siri", as demonstrated in this advertisment:

Pretty amazing.  The iPhone's Siri can help me can seal the big deal while running, check traffic conditions and alert my significant other of my ETA, check the weather in the city to which I will be travelling and many more things.  However useful all of these requests seemed, I still thought of an application that could be of more benefit.  So as soon as I took Siri out of the box, I told her:

She replied,

Siri then went into map function and showed me the location and name of both stores which were both JC Penny's.  This is not exactly my first choice of pants store - but getting the locations and directions of Walmart was probably just too much to ask for.  And besides -  in desperate times, beggars cannot be choosers.

What impressed me most with Siri was that her voice was very calming and soothing.  And there was no criticism or judgement - just helpful information.  For example, when I informed her that I had just soiled myself, she could have responded with,

But alas, no.  She immediately went into help mode....what anyone of us would want in a moment of crisis.  Honestly, I think we could learn a lot from Siri.  At any rate - she and I have been conversing quite a bit lately - and yes, I may have become a little preoccupied with her - and thus have neglected you, dear reader.  So I apologize.

That said, a good friend just passed this article along to me which has made me a little concerned.

So, my new relationship with Siri could result in me "shooting blanks" so to speak.  This is what is called the risk-benefit trade off, and one that Siri and I will wrestle with..... but we'll do it together. 

At any rate - I need to mention a few cycling related things, since this is supposed to be a cycling blog, afterall.

First up is the Pro-Cycling Tweet 'O The Week provided this week by Tyler Hamilton's twitter feed in response to the news that Lance Armstrong flew into Boston to give a presentation at Harvard recently:

Let's hope they got a chance to catch up in the men's room.

And far more important than that - I'm happy to announce that Cyclocross is coming back to Columbia!  Mark your calendars now.  The first annual CoMo Awesomo CX race will be Saturday, November 19th in A. Perry Phillips Park.  I don't have all the details now, but will try to track those down for everyone and get them up here soon.    Until then - spread the word!

OK - and just a few letters...

Dear PooBah
How many French junior road cyclists can fit up the ass of the junior road world champion Pierre-Henri Lecuisinier?
Just curious -
Edwin K.

Edwin- that that the French juniors have won the world championship, their heads are just too big.
photo credit.

Dear PooBah,
What do you think David Millar is thinking in this photo?
Kevin H.
photo credit.
Several possibilites, really....take your pick:
a) "Wow, and I thought getting pricked by the EPO needle used to hurt!"
b) "Damn, why is he so angry?  I told him he could go first!"
c) "I can't figure out why this damned Breathe Right strip isn't working!"
d) "Gunther - did you bring the DZNutz like I asked you?"

Dear PooBah,
Do you have any idea why Frank Shleck was recently seen half-naked, sitting on a large pole swinging garbage bags at another half-naked dude?
Alex C.

photo credit.
Hmmmmm good question.  I'm not sure - but here's an equally perplexing one.  Why in the hell is he also pretending to be Angus Young from AC/DC?
photo credit.

Dear PooBah,
Chris Horner recently posted a picture of himself doing some new exercises that involve him balancing himself on a single giant ball.  This must be a really difficult and dangerous maneuver - eh?  Do you think this exercise could catch on with other pros in the peloton?
Jill S.

Well, despite the danger, attempting to squish a single-ball that has gotten a little big for its britches is certainly not new to cyclists in the pro-peloton....that's for sure. 

Dear PooBah,
Since the Brits won the world road championships, it seems like they've adopted a new superior attitude within the cycling world that has permeated throughout British culture.  For example, take a look at the cover of November's issue of Esquire that was released here in the US last week:
Now look at the cover of the November issue of Esquire that was released in the United Kingdom last week!

What's wrong with this???
Herman G.

Don't fret too much.  For starters, Ms. Lowe's saddle is too low.....I've studied the article in some detail and am also worried that she might have a bit of a drinking problem as well, as it appears that she isn't able to deliver water from her bottle into her mouth successfully at all. 

And her cycling shorts are REALLY shy on the chamois!  That's going to result in a little chafing, I think.
With all these faux-pas, I wouldn't worry too much about the so-called British cycling superiority...

That's all for today, kids.  Have a great weekend!


  1. Dang it, I don't have Siri, but there is poor man's version of it in the form of Cleverbot.

    I typed in, "I just pooped my pants."

    Cleverbot responded, "That's great Master."

    Do you think Cleverbot knows that my last name should actually be Bader?

  2. Two thoughts:

    Big shocker that "David Henderson" commented. As if that's even a real person.

    Also, many of my countrymen died making your precious Iphone. Why dont you consider using it for something more important than telling it you pooped your pants. Sicko

    -Jackie Chan

  3. David Henderson is a legend! He is more of an action start than you can ever be. Just saying.

    Also it looks like 17 of your countymen have died.

    ~The Next "America's greatest action star"

  4. Right.....My net worth is $130,000,000. Thats right, bitches. Im quite confident that "Dave Henderson" does not have that kind of bank roll.

    I only read this website because i have a fetish for hot chicks on bicycles. Poobah has a knack for finding it. However, I cant help but insult him while I'm here. You know, because I'm a star and he is a twit.

    -Jackie Chan