Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Local news: Control your p****, because it's about to get bumpy!

As a self-proclaimed bloggeur de bicycles here in COMO-land, I do my best to keep my finger on the pulse of the "bike scene" which is to say, I actually do absolutely no research, nor scout out any bike-related stories whatsoever, and typically just comment on whatever I happen upon, much like a blind squirrel finding the odd, random nut.  (Note to self - two great ideas for future band names in that last sentence: "Blind Squirrel" and "Random Nut".)  Therefore, it should surprise no one that I've dropped the ball BIG TIME on some recent and future cycling stories and events that I need to mention now.

First of all, this past weekend was the Berryman Trail Epic mountain bike endurance race in the proximity of Steelville, MO.  Its significance to COMO kids is that one of our very own (Jon Schottler) held the course record set in 2010.  That is, until this year, when Steve Tilford topped it, and then wrote about it as though it were as difficult as riding to the store to pick up a 4-pack of Bartles and James wine coolers.  Of course, when you are a cycling bottom feeder like me, and your mantra has become "not last, not lapped," every such feat seems Herculean.....That said, with all due respect (as well as fully disclosing my bias toward COMO's own), I would still suggest that a tad bit more credit was due to Mr. Schottler.

Secondly, the BubbaCross series continues and apparently was rough as a cob this past weekend at Fort Belle Fontain which had the St. Louis Cycling Forum buzzing with commentary in a dedicated thread entitled "Bumpy Bubba":

Posted Yesterday, 03:52 PM
All people who set up a cx race course should have to pre-ride the course or they don't get to set up the courses anymore. If they set up a mean course that breaks bikes rather than showcasing the true spirit of cx, they should be forced to ride the course sans chamois. IMHO

Posted Yesterday, 06:11 PM
This is easy. If you don't like the courses either come out and help design and set up a course or just don't race them! Take your crying ass out to KC or Chicago if Bubba courses are beneath you.

I didn't race this past weekend, so cannot comment on the conditions - but think I have to give it to the second individual here.  Despite being a complete CX newb - I'm pretty sure that the "true spirit" of cyclocross is racing until you either want to cry, puke or poop yourself.....or maybe all three at the same time.  If the course is smooth - then that will be achieved via exerted effort and if the course is rough, that will be accomplished via exerted effort and taint battering.  This little thing called free will allows you to go home without racing if you elect to not pursue the "true spirit".

Anyway - at the end of the day, COMO still prevailed as Dan Miller took another victory despite doing a "Half Joey".  (For those of you that don't know, this is going "Full Joey.")

Thus, a "Half Joey" would be if just the cyclist or the bicycle became airborne - but not both simultaneously.

Ok - now for some upcoming ride announcements.  This weekend, in addition to Bubba's #4 and #5 cyclocross races in St. Louis, you can get your spook on and do the Monster Bike Bash's ride to Rocheport on Saturday.  Or if you want less beer and frivolity and more taint-pain, you can do the Gravel Grumble 100 which starts at Tryathletics at 7:00 AM the same day.

And I don't know how I missed this one - but according to this story in the Columbia Missourian, there is an all-female bicycle group that rides every Tuesday night leaving from RagTag between 7:00 and 7:30 PM:

Perhaps, like me, you saw this disclaimer on the Missourian's page, below the video story:

"The bike club’s name contains a word we normally don’t print because it can be offensive. For more information you can go to the group’s Facebook page."

I have to admit that I was perplexed by this and started wondering what the acronym 'PCBC' actually stood for making it so offensive that the Missourian didn't want to publish it?  So, I did as instructed and followed the link to the group's Facebook page and was so enlightened.

There are several things I appreciate about what this group is accomplishing.  Firstly, a group like this can develop comraderie amongst female cyclists.

Take what rider Brigid Foley says, "PCBC is definitely about the ladies...you know....no one is there to meet dudes.  That's not the point...."

(Come on Brigid, we all know you got that handsome devil's phone number after the photo shoot!)

The lack of men apparently reduces the intimidation factor for new cyclists.  Again, says Ms. Foley, "They (men) set such a fast pace and kind of intimidate people that are new to riding."  There is no question that this is true.  Put two male newbs on bicycles, and they will have graduated to become racing Freds within 15 minutes, or crashed into one another trying.  That said, a group calling itself "Pussy Control Bike Club" with the motto "Our Ride, Our Rules" kind of scares the shit out of me, personally, and I've not even put on my skirt to try to ride with them (yet).

(Men are only allowed to tag along on the ride if they either wear a skirt or are bearded and come in the form of a tattoo - in which case they get to ride on the ladies' thighs!!!  I just tossed my razor in the garbage can.)

But seriously - why should I be intimidated to ride with PCBC?  I think I've always practiced good "pussy control".
I promise that Mr. Pants will either be on his leash or remain in his basket the entire ride.....


  1. For shame-- none of those women were wearing helmets.

  2. Poobah, Schottler is pretty badass, but to give Steve his due.... he's sorta a racing legend in the sport of bicycling. An active racing legend who's probably more than twice the age of Schottler to boot. To give perspective, Steve was on the Junior National Team with Greg Lemond, back in the day. He's got a bunch of National and even a World Championship title and is a listee in the "Mountain Bike Hall of Fame".

    My hat's off to the ladies of the PCBC.

    Just take it easy on the cigs, tattoos, and drinking.... you may live longer than you expect.

  3. DH: As ever - thanks for your comments. No one (least of all me) is, or could, detract from the talent or achievements of Mr. Tilford. His record speaks for itself. I'm merely suggesting his reporting of the race could have been more respectful to the event and the past record holder, Mr. Schottler, whom he never even mentions despite the fact that Shot beat him both in 2009 and 2010 and was his strongest competition in this race.

    Perhaps I am reading too much into it - but for me, it's the difference between "winning" and "winning gracefully".....the latter of which elevates one to true "legend" status.

  4. Hipster chicks needed a group to encourage bicycling? I thought that bicycling was a prerequisite for BEING a hipster chick? Kind of like being an alcoholic and a chain smoker.

    I don't think that they will get many hipster dudes wearing a skirt just to ride with them. Wearing a skirt is emasculating and male hipsters are already emasculated enough when they have to go buy their jeans in the "little miss" section. A man, even a hipster man, can only take so much.

    -Jackie Chan

  5. Jackie,

    Whoooooa, easy there, Killer. As far as I can tell, the PCBC aren't hurting anyone (their pretty pink lungs, notwithstanding). Why all the venom? And consuming a little PBR never meant anyone was an alcoholic - just had poor taste in beer.

    I guess if you are so adamantly opposed to the PCBC - you could start your own bike club that would serve as the very antithesis of PCBC, make it all male and call it the "Penis Out-Of-Control Bike Group." What could possibly be simultaneously more manly and yet less intimidating?

  6. PooBah, Jackie Chan has made some great movies. Must I point this out to you, just like I did about how awesome Steve Tilford is? (I kid of course).

    Actually I totally agree with your point that Steve's purposeful non-mention of a great competitor (who has beaten him two previous years in a row and was the previous course record holder) is more than a little douchie.

    But that's how Steve rolls; that's his M.O. (method of operation). Is it right? For him it appears to be, but most of us would probably agree that it's more than a little douchie.

    @Jackie Chan: These women can never be true bike hipsters until they fully embrace fixed gear bicycles as their sole means of biking.

    They're just a small group of badass women trying to have some collective fun on a bicycle and off. (seriously ladies, consider a helmet..... your mom and dad would want you to.... or perhaps your future self, if that future self was suffering from brain injury).

  7. "Some" great movies, Steve? "Some?" Jackie Chan doesn't need validation from you. You didn't hurt Jackie Chan's feelings. So when Jackie Chan delivers a front snap kick to your chin, smashing your mandible into 14 pieces, just know that it is not from anger.

    It's to remind you that Jackie Chan is not only America's greatest action star but also China's! You can suck on that, while your sucking your meals through a straw!

    *Jackie Chan is not actually going to kick anyone and if he did, you would 't see it anyway!

    -Jackie Chan

  8. Jackie Chan is America's greatest action star? Are you on crack? America's greatest action star is Chuck Norris!!! On second thought it might be Steven Seagal! Shit maybe Jean Claude Van Damme! Hmm there is also Keanu Reeves. Damn damn damn! To many damn choices!!!! But it for sure the shit is not Jackie Chan.

    ~The Next "America's greates action star"

  9. Have you seen Segal lately? The how you say....son of a bitch?...must weigh 400 pounds. Have you heard of Google? Google that shit!

    -Jackie Chan

  10. I have seen Segal lately and he is looking mighty sexy! He packed on the pounds so he can defend our borders down there in Texas. That extra padding is like his bullet proof vest. Go google that shit! Well nevermind I Googled that shit for you. http://www.nationalreview.com/the-feed/280684/steven-seagal-now-patrolling-texas-mexico-border