Columbia Missouri Cycling Cooperative: February 2011

Friday, February 25, 2011

Friday Mail: Grey Manrod Retraction and Omloop Eve

First order of business today is a retraction the size of which would even impress Pat McQuaid regarding Wednesday's post about the Grey Manrod Associates lawfirm which is representing Floyd Landis in his dealings with the UCI. As you are aware, NYVelocity publishes all of Mr. Landis' emails as well as those of his attorneys Sigmund A. Manrod and Chade O. Grey. Well, after our Wednesday post, NYVelocity was less than happy with our accusation that Grey Manrod was a fictitious firm, and they tweeted the following message to the Manrod firm with a link to our post:

"People STILL think @GreyManrod is fake. I'm sorry they don't believe in miracles"

I just want both GreyManrod and NYVelocity to know that we here at COMO CYCO are firm believers in both miracles and GreyManrod. In an attempt to make amends, we would like to place an order for some GreyManrod merchandise, namely the gangsta' hat.

Do they come in any other colors?

We'd also like to extend an open invitation to Mr. Chade O. Grey to be interviewed via email exclusively for this blog. Please email me if you are interested at comocyco@gmail.com.

Second order of business, for the reader who was still a little confused by Wednesday's post and wished for a more explicit explanation of the roles Pat McQuaid and Hein Verbruggen are playing in the Floyd Wars Saga, I hope this helps.

Emperor Verbruggen Darth McQuaid

(Feel free to cut and past their images in your Floyd Wars Saga schematic)

On to some Friday biznezz... this Friday is a special Friday. Because this Friday is also known as Omloop's Eve so named because tomorrow is the first race of the Belgian road cycling season, called Omloop Het Nieuwsblad (pronounced "AM-loop het NEE-blah-blah"). But today, you can celebrate the Flanders classic by hanging a pair of your best sweaty, muddy cyclocross socks from the mantlepiece and rubbing your favorite pair of ornamental cobbles until St. Molenberg cycles across your front lawn and curses at you in Flemish.

St. Molenberg is the patron saint of sprinters, and as such was a great fan of blowing his own horn.

Oh, how I wish I was going to be on the snowy and muddy cobbled streets of Belgium this weekend. However, as we cannot spend the weekend in Belgium and instead will be in glorious Missouri where the weather is beautiful and the roads are dry, let's be thankful for the smorgasbord of cycling events going on right here. On Sunday the Froze Toes race is going down if you will be in COMO, and if you will be in St. Louis, you may want to check out the Death by Hills ride, put on by Team Seagal.

And now to a couple of letters:

PooBah,
I just found out that PedNet will not be conducting their Cycle Recycle event this year due to a budget constraint. Budget constraint? How much money does it take to run that program? I've enclosed a photograph of the bike that my son received last year at the event which should explain my frustration.

Sincerely,
Frustrated Columbia Resident

Frustrated,

To answer your first question first:

"Budget constraint?" A budget constraint is defined by a situation in which limited funds make reprioritizing tasks necessary.

As to your second question:

"How much money does it take to run that program?" Approximately 40 million kroner. Ok - I just made that up. I have absolutely no idea.

Lastly, to address your frustration: First imagine how I feel! I just learned that the seat on your kid's bike was swiped out of my front yard last year, dammit! That was my best lawn chair....

Dear PooBah,

I've got red hair. I've noticed that upon occasion you like to make fun of people with red hair. It's not cool, dude. We deserve the same courtesy as cyclists with brown hair, blonde hair or no hair at all. And you really need to lay off of Team Leopard's red-headed superstar Dominic Klemme as well. The guy is my fricking hero.

Anonymous

Anonymous

OK, I promise. I will lay off the ~~ginger~~ red-head jokes. But regarding Klemme, come on, man....

Even Jens laughs at his ass....

Dear PooBah,
Who is the scariest pro road cyclist?
Thanks!
Gerry T.

Gerry-
Man that's tough. There's a lot of ways to define "scary"......there's scary good, there's scary intimidating, there's scary fast.....then there's scary looking. I'm going to assume you're speaking of the last possibility - scary looking. And for that I am reminded of an old Twilight Zone episode that freaked the shit out of me when I was a kid....I think the episode was called "Nightmare at 20,000 feet" and starred William Shatner who sees some kind of gremlin on the wing of the airplane he is flying in, tearing apart one of the engines. Well I recently stumbled upon a photograph of Edvald Boasson Hagen of Team Sky after he woke up on a flight to Oslo which was oddly reminiscent of that damned gremlin....

Dear PooBah,

I finally did it! I finally learned to do a track stand on my fixie! I'm going to get me some hipster-tail now! Thought you should know...

Mr. Hottie

Mr. Hottie,

Nice work! I would agree - you're going to be fighting the hipster-chicks off now....Especially since most of them love dating guys they can share bras with.

Dear PooBah,
Everytime I ride to work my skirt gets caught up in the rear wheel, so I have to keep hiking it up to get it out of the way. I've heard of something called a skirt guard that women can put on their bicycles to keep their skirt out of the spokes. I've never tried one but want to know if they work before I spend a lot of money on one.
Thank you so much!
Angela B.

Angela,

Great question. Unfortunately, they don't work at all. You're method is working much better - and is a lot cheaper - right?

Have a great weekend. Ride and race safe!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Grey Manrod Associates

When we last left the Landis saga, the UCI was threatening to sue Floyd because he had insulted "the honour" of current President Pat McQuaid and past-President Hein Verbruggen in an interview given to a German television show and summarized in the following statement sent to Floyd on Feb 7th.

"For the record, you basically indicate that the UCI and its current and former leaders may protect certain cyclists suspected of doping and not others, may falsify results and create stars, and that they may be corrupt."

Days later, Mr. McQuaid was then interviewed by Cycling Weekly, portions of which appeared in this article dated February 10, 2011.

"A lot of the stuff he [Landis] says in relation to what went on in those years is probably true," admitted McQuaid....."There was a lot of doping going on in those teams in those years....If it [American Supreme Court decision] proves that the US Postal Team were involved in a lot of doping, it wouldn't necessarily surprise me. In those days it was possible to beat the system."

Last week, however, past-president Hein Verbruggen was back on the warpath as he emerged from the shadows to criticize the cycling media for focusing too much on doping in the sport, which he states only affects "one or two percent of the sport", yet receives "50% of the coverage." Maybe we should cut the old-timer some slack and chalk this statement up to short-term memory loss. But to refresh his memory, let's look at the VeloNews article published on the 16th of this month (the day Armstrong retired for a second time) which showed the list of the top 20 of the 2005 Tour de France - both in terms of placing and doping.

1. Lance Armstrong, Discovery Channel

2. Ivan Basso, CSC – confessed to Puerto involvement and banned from 2006 Tour ()
3. Jan Ullrich, T-Mobile – connected to Puerto and banned from 2006 Tour
4. Francisco Mancebo, Illes Balears – connected to Puerto and banned from 2006 Tour
5. Alexander Vinokourov, Astana – tested positive for doping at 2007 Tour
6. Levi Leipheimer, Gerolsteiner — accused of doping by Floyd Landis and former Gerolsteiner manager
7. Michael Rasmussen, Rabobank – ejected from 2007 Tour while in the yellow jersey
8. Cadel Evans, Davitamon-Lotto
9. Floyd Landis, Phonak – disqualified as 2006 Tour winner for doping
10. Oscar Pereiro, Phonak – alleged to have doped by Landis
11. Christophe Moreau, Credit Agricole – admitted EPO use after Festina Affaire
12. Yaroslav Popovych, Discovery Channel – home searched
13. Eddy Mazzoleni, Lampre-Caffita – charged in doping conspiracy after receiving a two-year ban in 2008
14. George Hincapie, Discovery Channel — accused of doping by Floyd Landis
15. Haimar Zubeldia, Euskaltel-Euskadi
16. Jörg Jaksche, Liberty Seguros – admitted doping since 1997
17. Bobby Julich, CSC
18. Oscar Sevilla, T-Mobile – suspended by team in 2006 for Puerto links
19. Giuseppe Guerini, T-Mobile
20. Carlos Sastre, CSC
Also, 23. Leonardo Piepoli, Saunier Duval-Prodir – tested positive for CERA in 2008

2005 was the year that Lance stood on the podium and said to those who doubted the performance of the upper echilon of Tour cyclists, "I feel sorry for you. I'm sorry you don't believe in miracles."

Even if you exclude everyone on this list that was merely accused or suspected of doping by Floyd, that still leaves 50% of the cyclists finishing in the top 20 guilty of doping. Hein, if you are reading, even a miracle can't make 50% be less than 1%.

How has Floyd responded to all of this seeming hypocrisy? Enter Mr. Chade O. Grey and Mr. Sigmund Manrod, attorneys at law for a firm entitled Grey Manrod, Associates.

Under the noms des plume of Grey & Manrod, Floyd has sent a long list of emails to the UCI that are yes, hilarious, but also ask some incredibly good questions. You can read all the emails at the NYVelocity site: here.

My favorite of which, however, is this one, penned by Mr. Sigmund Manrod to Mr. Ditesheim, the UCI attorney on Feb. 20th.

Mr. Ditesheim, the previous letter sent by you, dated 07 Feb 2011 requires a retraction by Mr. Landis. It sets a 15-day window for such a retraction to be submitted. Given the points listed above which detail the fundamental concession that Mr. Landis' statements are "probably true", the established fact that Mr. McQuaid and Mr. Verbruggen are public figures, and that Article 17 of the United Nations International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights requires the predicate of "unlawful attack" to be the basis for legal recourse, we feel that Mr. Landis has acted in a "lawful" manner at all times since he has disclosed his previous behaviours, has told the truth (as accepted by Mr. McQuaid). We consider the threat of any further legal action against him by your clients to be baseless and frivolous, serving the sole purpose of chilling his voice as it relates to his truthful comments to the media, and further exposure of truths about many facets of professional cycling during this period.

It is public knowledge that Mr. Landis has cooperated with the US Food and Drug Administration in providing his eye-witness accounts and conveyed his truthful knowledge of doping during his cycling career. For your information, providing false statements to the US Food and Drug Administration in the course of an investigation carries with it severe penalties. Mr. Landis maintains that he proffered his truthful recollections to the authorities. Mr. Landis understand his responsibility to tell the truth in this matter, and given the radical and direct contradiction of previously made statements by Mr. McQuaid, it is encouraging to see that they, too, understand the import of coming to terms with the truth in the matter.

Please feel free to answer [these] questions.

Primary question: As now Mr. McQuaid has conceded that the "stuff" that Mr. Landis has conveyed is "probably true", are we to still follow Mr. McQuaid's seemingly flippant mention that things he says in the past will be stood by today, despite this being a direct contradiction?In the absence of your direct answers and given the consideration of Mr. McQuaid’s current concession that Mr. Landis' statements are "probably true", we will consider this to be closure to this matter.

Secondary question: If Mr. McQuaid is now allowing for changes to his position and public statement, can you please indicate which part of his "honour" still remains damaged?

Tertiary question: If there still remains some damage, what form is this damage? Please provide documentation as to this damage.

Finest regards,

Sigmund A. Manrod

Say what you will about past transgressions, Landis brings up some pretty serious contradictions in the UCI's behavior, both formerly and presently. If these questions and allegations were raised by a reporter for the NY Times, or Wall Street Journal, I think they would be taken a lot more seriously and obviously reach a wider audience. But what will the cycling community do with them coming from fictitious (and hilarious) attorneys at law, Grey & Manrod? The questions are the same and just as relevant regardless who is asking them, even if he is wearing double-middle-finger shades.

Oh yeah, and while all of this is going on, Contador is still racing, despite the WADA rule that ANY clenbuterol found in your system is enough to have you serving a suspension. When asked about the long delay and current status of Contador's case, McQuaid said he is just following protocol. But I'm wondering, as are others, what happened to proper protocol for other cyclists like Li Fuyu and Tom Zirbel whose positive A-sample results were announced before B-samples were even tested. Both of them are still sitting out, and appropriately so. Where is the equality amongst cyclists that the UCI is so proud of? It will be interesting to see what Grey Manrod has to say about all of the upcoming developments....

Translation: "Danger! (out of work)" Further translation: "I've got lots of time on my hands, bitches."

Now, I realize that with all these different names of people and places and entities, this entire saga is getting pretty hard to follow. So if you are having difficulties keeping track of who's who in this whole mess, I've put together a schematic for you using real pictures of all the places and people involved where I can. There were a few individuals and locations that I couldn't find pictures of - so I just filled them in with substitutes. I hope this helps make future discussion of this ongoing story a lot easier. Click to enlarge.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Awang or 'a wang': sizing up your pocket-rocket

In reading this morning's cycling news, I came upon the story of Aziz Awang, a Malaysian track cyclist who had a hard crash over the weekend while competing in the Keirin finals of the World Cup in Manchester, England. Awang, whose nickname is conveniently 'pocket-rocket', crashed while battling for second place as Chris Hoy had already pulled far enough ahead to secure the win. After the crash, he was put back on his bike to cross the finish line, securing a bronze medal, after which he collapsed again, screaming in pain. That's when everyone noticed this:

credit: here.

Somehow, a 9 inch spike of the wooden track had become dislodged under the impacts of the crashing bicycles and was subsequently driven through Awang's left calf.

UCI World Cup 2011 - Awang's Splinter Update from British Cycling on Vimeo.

From the above video, however, we know that the piece of wood was successfully removed and that Awang is on the road to recovery now. When winner Chris Hoy was asked his impression of the incident, he said:

"Awang is always in there with the rough and tumble so it's almost inevitable it's going to happen to him at some point."

The worlds largest splinter: An inevitable result of being in the rough and tumble.

As encounters with danger are clearly an inescapable part of track racing, so too are encounters with the flotsam and jestam that accumulate and appear along mid-Missouri roadsides after the winter snows start to recede if you are a road cycling enthusiast, like me. And whereas the detritus one encounters at the side of the road is infrequently as hazzardous as a 9-inch piece of wood, you can't be sure it won't be a 9 inch rubber 'woody' as was spotted by a keenly observant cyclist doing the Ashland loop on Sunday:

Now that is a 'pocket-rocket'.

Seeing the discarded wang is yet another reminder that Valentine's Day has come and gone for another year and that spring is just around the corner. Before being discarded, I hope its last hurrah was an eventful one...The Bud Lite certainly would have helped.

The aftermath of just another Saturday night in Sapp, Missouri.

And speaking of springtime in Missouri, The Froze Toes race is this Sunday. After our recent forray into some warmer temperatures, it appears as though next weekend will be considerably cooler with temps in the upper 30's and lower 40's. I am planning on attending the race, not to compete, but to sell my latest invention which will be particularly useful for the colder weather and is yet another attempt to bring a multitude of cycling cultures together:

Lest you think you are randonneuring in Portland upon seeing everyone wearing feax-bearded balaclavas, just remember to look along the roadside to remind youself where you are. Nothing says springtime in Missouri like suction cup dildos and cheap beer.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Friday Mail: The pasty calves of Spring are here!

If you are anything like me, there are times as a cyclist when you are overcome with such joy and happiness that you feel like you could just pucker your butt cheeks together and whistle "Flight of the Bumblebee" out your ass. With the weather that has descended upon us this week, I feel just this way. Although I know we are bound for more winter weather sometime before Spring arrives in earnest, it was the sight of more than a few pasty calves on the roads last evening that reminds me that cycling life springs eternal, and there is the promise of more frequent sunny, warmer days ahead. But while this brief spell of amazing weather is here now, I say Carpe Diem! Get out there and enjoy it even if it means lying and skipping out on your daytime responsibilities. To assist in this manner, I've assembled some tips in how to ditch class or your job.

1) Going with illness is fine - but don't try the "common cold" route. Colds linger too long, and when you show back up at your job on Monday (when it's cold and rainy) and you aren't coughing - everyone will know the score. No - the sickness you lead with today needs to be volatile and ugly. Profuse, watery diarrhea. No one wants you around and such bouts of colonic eruption tend to be short-lived.

2) Deaths in the family are risky - but could yield big. On the downside - this can be dangerous if you believe in karma, but on the upside, you may score some prepared dinners which means more time on the bike! I recommend your significant other's cousin. That way no one is surprised when you aren't looking sad, but NOT attending the funeral is going to leave you in the doghouse - so you've got to go.

3) If you've got kids, it's a no-brainer. Don't make it something too serious - whatever happened to the little squirt has got to be rectifiable, but time-consuming. I would go with a Lego-man's head getting stuck up one of their nostrils. Definitely a trip to the ER and some muck-around time there. I've also got experience with this one as my Mom had to miss half a day of work in 1979 because of a similar incident that I'd rather not discuss.

Best of luck! And with that - let's get into some mail.

Dear PooBah,
I have three questions for you:
1) What makes being a fat, weak, and broke motorist driving a car powered with foreign oil seem "manly and American" while bicycling is something viewed as un-American.
2) How can bicycling become "manly and American?"
3) Can you singlehandedly prove that bicycling is American before the next Federal Transportation Bill is debated and passed? I hope your answer involves large breasts and American flags but also some sincere insight.
You're the best and frankly, our only hope.
Sincerely,
anonymous

"Anonymous,"
Thanks for the letter: I've tried to answer your questions in order:

1) Why is cycling viewed of as un-American? One word: sex. Although some German dude named Benz invented the car, Americans invented the muscle car.....heavy, powerful, un-economic and certainly not earth-friendly, but a whole lotta fun, especially if you were cranking some Immigrant Song by Zeppelin, wearing your Levi's and sipping on some cold Genesee on your way out to the bonfire on the levee where you were hoping to get some action. I'm guessing that riding a 16lb carbon bicycle in spandex to the coffee shop that is playing Belle and Sebastian while serving your latte so you can talk to your friends about what chamois creme you prefer is the very antithesis of what most individuals who have historically travelled our motorways have come to consider as "American." That's why many of us grew up looking at advertisments like this:

Instead of this:

You do the math....

But in the end I say this, "Patience, young grasshopper...." Things get better every day. But unless someone can put a back seat on a Pinarello big enough to get laid in, we might always be playing second fiddle.

2) How can bicycling become "manly and American?"

Well, less of this might help for starters.

Every ride one does is not epic and doesn't need to be plastered all over Facebook like it's the first flipping time anyone ever rode a bicycle when there was snow on the ground. This shit just makes us look like a bunch of weenies. Just because you feel special doesn't mean you are, and certainly doesn't mean anyone else gives a shit that you rode 44.2 miles today.

3) Can I singlehandedly prove that bicycling is American involving breasts and American flags? You bet!

Does this work for you?

Dear PooBah,
How many hipsters does it take to ride a beach cruiser?
Thanks,
Kelly

Kelly-
Three. Two skinny ones to ride the bike, and a third, fully-bearded fat one to run behind and carry their wallets and to tell them how cool they look.

Dear PooBah,
This is the first year that I'm going to try time trialing. I don't have a time trial bike yet, but have ordered one. It should be here soon, I hope. In the meantime, I've been looking for other ways to practice my aero positionining. This is the best method I've come up with so far. Maybe your readers will find this useful?
Albert

Albert,

Thanks for the suggestion. Honestly, the last time I tried a time trial, I was so miserable that I would have rather been doggy-styling a wild animal, so this training may be particularly appropriate.

Dear PooBah,

With these warmer temperatures we've been having, I really want to start to commute to work on my bike again. But I'm nervous about riding home in the dark. The days are still pretty short! Is there anything you can recommend that may help me get over my fear?

Thank you!

Walter

Walter,

I'm putting a t-shirt in the mail to you that should help give you the confidence you need. Never understimate the power of the Hoff.

Dear PooBah,
I found this old photo that I wanted to share with you.

PooBah, do you believe in time travel? I want to be this dude. Look at the bike. Look at the girl! Can you help me out? Can I travel back in time?

Thanks!

Marty

Marty,

That's a tall order. But I have heard rumors that the suspender's of Santini's women's bib shorts are designed in the configuration of a flux capacitor, and that if you stare at them for 88 minutes straight, you begin to feel like you have gone back in time to when you were young enough to actually ask the model out. Does this help?

Have a greet weekend, everyone. Ride safe.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Defending your honour, losing your credibility

Does anyone know if the Floyd Fairness Fund is still accepting donations? I'd like to send some money.

Here's the letter Mr. Landis received last week from the UCI.

Uh-oh. Pat and Hein-y have had their "honour" offended because Floyd accused the UCI of "protecting certain cyclists."

Fast forward to Feb 12. UCI press officer Enrico Carpani says that they (the UCI) are "pleased" with the Spanish Federation's Contador investigation and further notes, "It is not beneficial to cycling to see Contador crucified." You remember the Spanish Federation - right? They are the ones that just cleared Contador of doping charges despite the fact that he failed two tests for Clenbuterol in his system. It's so nice to see the UCI ~~protecting~~ wishing the best for Contador.

Pat McQuaid giving the "award of obscene hand-gestures" to Bertie in recognition of his now copy-protected fingerbang salute.

Floyd has written the UCI's attorney, Rolf Ditesheim (the man in charge of preserving Pat and Hein-y's "honour") two responses:

Response #1:

Hello Mr Ditesheim'

I haven't heard from you in a few days and thought I'd drop you a note with a few things to ponder. I'd like you to please try to reconcile this (http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/carpani-says-uci-pleased-with-spanish-federations-handling-of-contador-case) with your threat of litigation in light of todays exoneration of Alberto Contador. I look forward to your explanation.

Thank You
Floyd Landis

And Response #2:

Dear Mr Ditzensheim,
I hope something has not happened to you (!) I have been looking forward to getting to know you good. I have copied Mr. Verbeast at the UCI because a year ago he sent me a similar email asking for some kind of retraction. I don't know what you want retractioned though(!!!).

And I am not living in Switzerland now though and maybe you have a colleague that you trust (and with his records!!!) that can represent me in my upcoming trial. If he can represent me for 500 Swiss Franks that would be GREAT (!!) because I am broke. (that would be 250 swiss franks up front!!!).

One other thing is I want to request that the trial be in Zurich in the summer because it is beautiful there but cold. If Zurich doesn't work possibly San Diego(?????). I live here!!

Thank You!
Floyd

This is a serious matter

(If you are wondering about all the odd (!!!s) and odder word choices in Floyd's response, I believe he's mocking Hein-y's writing style noted in a number of emails he sent to Floyd accusing him of being capable only of winning a yellow jersey in being a nuisance.)

At this point, I wish to stop and ask some questions to all those who have, like me, decided to waste far too much time following this saga.

1) Regarding "honour": Who actually sues somebody in order to protect their "honour" these days? It's like some warped anachronistic medieval sentiment has suddenly sprung up in the midst of the soap opera - only instead of Pat and Hein-y challenging Floyd to a duel themselves, they've sent their briefcase-laden attorney/knight to fight in their stead. I wonder if the letter also came with a virtual glove-slap across the face?

2) Regarding Contador: Why isn't anyone testing the boy's hair? Remember that it was the dark hair of 2008 Olympic silver medalist Dimitrij Ovtcharov which yielded a clean sample and thus provided the evidence that his positive Clenbuterol urine sample was likely from accidental ingestion. If you didn't knowingly take Clenbuterol and recognized that your hair sample could exonerate you - wouldn't you willingly shave your entire head with the excitement of retaining your jersey and not being banned? (Ok - maybe not your entire head if you're Contador because he's got some scars up there - but at least one measely pointy sideburn. Shit, this investigation has gone on so long - Bertie could have grown an entire moustache and shaved it off to donate to the lab in his defense)

3) Regarding Contador #2: What about the plasticizers found in Bertie's blood as reported by the NY Times in October? The same plastic that is used to make transfusion bags was found in his blood at a level of 8 times over the limit during the 2010 Tour de France.

The UCI has now said that they will discuss the Spanish Federation's report with WADA and make a decision if they will appeal it or not - but what else could they say, especially considering the media's general sentiment on the issue of Bertie being cleared a farce. As a spectator for the 2011 pro season, I think I'm going to be tuning my inner-cynic extra finely, unfortunately. Cause this whole business is reading pretty damned high on the COMO CYCO Stink-O-Meter:

And if we didn't have Floyd publicly dropping trou' and pressing ham on the windshield of the UCI bus, who else would have the cajones to do it? In some strange way, as a man with absolutely nothing else to lose, I think Floyd could be the person who could save professional cycling.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Questionably appropriate...

Hot on the heels of our first Swimsuit Spectacular Issue, I've taken a little heat in the form of some emails.....one of which was from a woman who has requested some pictures of hot guys in swimsuits with bicycles. This request is fair enough, indeed, and I'm happy to oblige:

Nothing makes Ryan Trebon ride faster than being taunted by a Lucha Libre wrestler with a unicorn printed on his unit.

But are photographs of beautiful woman with bicycles really such an outlandish thing? I mean, woman have been riding bicycles for millenia. Granted, not all the photographs I included depicted women who were actually riding (or even capable to ride) the associated bicycles, as reader Recumbent Conspiracy Theorist pointed out when he observed that one of the ladies was sitting on a bike with no pedals. That observation duly noted, I think it's fair to assume that the entire "Chicks and Bikes" genre can be classified as a fetish. That said, it's still a relatively mainstream fetish in my humble opinion.....say when compared to "Chicks with Stormtroopers":

Isn't he a little short to be a stormtrooper?

And speaking of questionably appropriate things, it appears as though Alberto Contador has been cleared of charges that he illegaly took Clenbuterol by the Spanish cycling federation. The story in cyclingnews is that there were two things that initiated this somewhat surprising turn of events.

#1) Last Thursday night, Spanish prime minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero tweeted the following message: "There are no legal grounds for sanctioning Contador."

#2) And according to a story on Velonation, the UCI screwed up and didn't inform Contador of the positive test prior to contacting the Spanish federation, thus violating Spanish Constitutional law and possibly forcing their hand to lift the charges due to a "procedural defect."

Apparently, UCI president Pat is a big fan.

We may never know if Bertie did it or didn't do it, but having the Spanish federation overturn the charges on their national hero days after the Prime Minister weighs in with support for the meat loving cyclist seems to have been the magic combination of both ensuring that the fox continues to guard the henhouse in Spain and also improves the chances we will see another Shleck-Contador showdown come July.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Friday MALE: 2011 COMO CYCO Swimsuit Edition

Not all of you may read the comments left by the few readers that the COMO CYCO blog actually has. But if you do, you may have noticed a recurrent theme as of late. Especially after yesterday's post which featured a picture of a frozen heart-shaped dog turd that I encountered on my way to work. Now, I realize that many of you may not have found this photograph as amusing as I did. And I admit that with the bitterly cold winter we have had, looking at a frozen pile of feces is probably the last thing anyone needs or requires to warm themselves up. So, whether it is the long, cold winter we have had, or the onset of giddyness in response to news of the sunny heat wave we are about to experience this weekend here in mid-Missouri, there has been a general outcry for more "girls on bikes."

First off, let me say that I'm ashamed of every one of you that has had such a desire, or worse, made such a suggestion. I value my female readership as I do female cyclists. I live with one, ride with many, and have had my ass handed to me by more than a few while climbing hills or sprinting for city limit signs. Insulting, embarassing or demeaning anyone is the last thing I would ever want to do.

However, I do feel the need to respond to comments and suggestions made to me. After all - this is the Columbia Missouri Cycling Cooperative and is thus "for and by" the good people of Columbia....and it seems that those persons with "burritos in their pockets" have spoken loudest lately. Therefore, it is under great duress that I have decided to bow to the coercion of the commentors and forego the typical Friday Mail post for one more week. Thus, in the spirit of the annual Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, I bring you the entirely male-oriented 2011 COMO CYCO Swimsuit(esque) Edition: Putting this together was an arduous task to say the least. So, enjoy, you pigs.....