Monday, February 21, 2011

Awang or 'a wang': sizing up your pocket-rocket

In reading this morning's cycling news, I came upon the story of Aziz Awang, a Malaysian track cyclist who had a hard crash over the weekend while competing in the Keirin finals of the World Cup in Manchester, England. Awang, whose nickname is conveniently 'pocket-rocket', crashed while battling for second place as Chris Hoy had already pulled far enough ahead to secure the win.  After the crash, he was put back on his bike to cross the finish line, securing a bronze medal, after which he collapsed again, screaming in pain.  That's when everyone noticed this:
credit: here.

Somehow, a 9 inch spike of the wooden track had become dislodged under the impacts of the crashing bicycles and was subsequently driven through Awang's left calf.

From the above video, however, we know that the piece of wood was successfully removed and that Awang is on the road to recovery now.  When winner Chris Hoy was asked his impression of the incident, he said:

"Awang is always in there with the rough and tumble so it's almost inevitable it's going to happen to him at some point."

The worlds largest splinter: An inevitable result of being in the rough and tumble.

As encounters with danger are clearly an inescapable part of track racing, so too are encounters with the flotsam and jestam that accumulate and appear along mid-Missouri roadsides after the winter snows start to recede if you are a road cycling enthusiast, like me.  And whereas the detritus one encounters at the side of the road is infrequently as hazzardous as a 9-inch piece of wood, you can't be sure it won't be a 9 inch rubber 'woody' as was spotted by a keenly observant cyclist doing the Ashland loop on Sunday:
Now that is a 'pocket-rocket'.

Seeing the discarded wang is yet another reminder that Valentine's Day has come and gone for another year and that spring is just around the corner.  Before being discarded, I hope its last hurrah was an eventful one...The Bud Lite certainly would have helped.

The aftermath of just another Saturday night in Sapp, Missouri.

And speaking of springtime in Missouri, The Froze Toes race is this Sunday.  After our recent forray into some warmer temperatures, it appears as though next weekend will be considerably cooler with temps in the upper 30's and lower 40's.  I am planning on attending the race, not to compete, but to sell my latest invention which will be particularly useful for the colder weather and is yet another attempt to bring a multitude of cycling cultures together:
Lest you think you are randonneuring in Portland upon seeing everyone wearing feax-bearded balaclavas, just remember to look along the roadside to remind youself where you are.  Nothing says springtime in Missouri like suction cup dildos and cheap beer.


  1. In retirement im going to open a sex toy shop in Sapp missouri.

  2. I hope Awang recovers quickly. Pretty wild stuff.

    On an entirely different note, I remember having to stop multiple times during spring training riders (pre-internet days) because some of the guys spotted road-side porn. It was as if some of the guys had some kind of radar for the stuff. I never saw any, I always missed it. With the advance of the modern internet, porn litter has pretty much dried up.

    I've since theorized that a person could win a bike race by simply dropping some porn behind them.

    Never spied a suction-cup dildo though. That's a pretty rare find!