Friday, September 16, 2011

Friday Mail: Putting yourself out there!

If you are unaware, this past week was Interbike - a massive cycling industry trade show held annually out in Las Vegas.  It has grown over the years and become a very important event for the bicycle industry.  But Vegas being Vegas, craziness is bound to ensue, as well as moments of odd serendipity, I suppose.  I give you this photo posted on twitter by the folks at NYVelocity.
Featuring Levi Leipheimer and Barry Bonds, this photo was captioned by the NYVelocity folks as "This conversation only needed a lemur in it to be crazier. Vegas makes no sense."

Or does it? (Cue dramatic chipmunk).

Whatever.  On with Friday mail.

Dear PooBah-
We're so excited about Herman Cross 2011.  It's going to be EPIC!  First question - are you racing?  And second question - are you going to dress up?  We heard that some cyclists will come to cross races in costume.

See you there!
Kelly and Jacob M.

K and M-
Answers:  Firstly, Yes I'm going....yes I'm paying a fee to line up.....yes I will be wearing a number....and yes I will be attempting to pedal my ass around the course.  Does that constitute racing?  I don't think so - but I will let you be the judge.  Secondly - yes I will be dressing up.  I'm going to go with something subtle though - so make sure to keep your eyes peeled - or else you may not even notice me.

Dear PooBah,
I consider myself a pretty crafty person and love tinkering with bicycles in my home shop.  Well, a couple of weeks ago, I got to putting some parts together from some various objects I had laying around and ended up coming up with a sweet bicycle.  My son has been after me for a new bike - so I really considered this a win-win.....The problem is, he started riding his new home-built bike to school every day - and every day is getting beat up by some bullies there.  What gives?  Do you think they are just jealous of his new wheels?

I really need some advice -
Simon H.

First things first.  Get a helmet on that kid!  Secondly - you better slap a rubber ball on that unicorn's horn or else little Ricky is going to end up impaling someone and landing your ass in a lawsuit.  Thirdly - I know you're proud of your creation, MacGyver, but if you keep making your kid ride that thing to school, he's going to end up getting a tattoo like this when he grows up.

Dear PooBah,
I am majoring in mathematics here at Mizzou and was recently given the task of completing a special group project.  We had to come up with an example of a situation demonstrating velocity, calculate the theoretical equations surrounding it and then validate our calculations by measuring the real-life re-creation of the situation.  I assumed leadership of the group and designed the experiment myself. I'm writing to you to have you check my math.  Here's the situation:  A 23-year-old, 180 pound male cyclist travelling 17mph for 25 meters rides off a ramp with a 12 degree slope in an easterly direction.  There is a  7mph wind blowing out of the northwest and the relative humidity is 75%.  Assuming the cyclist's tire pressure is 40 PSI, and he neither accelerates or decelerates as he rides up the ramp, how far will he travel in air before his tires make contact?

By the way - your answer may or may not be used as part of a legal defense. 

Mike T.
Considering you are still enrolled as a student here, have you considered English lit as a major?  I don't see mathematics in your future.

Dear PooBah,
My brother and I are touring Europe by bicycle!  But everywhere we go, I keep getting odd looks from everyone.  I'm not sure why as cycling is so much more commonly used as a means of transportation here than back in the states.  So certainly, that can't be why folks don't seem to be accepting me.  Do you have any ideas?
Thank you!
Timmy L.

Well you could start by taking the helmet off your backpack and putting it on your head.  Secondly - perhaps you are being too shy.  You really should try going up to people and trying to communicate more.  Most everyone in Europe speaks English - so don't be afraid to really put yourself out there - I'm sure they will love it.

Dear PooBah,
I'm new to Columbia and am single.  I hate having to admit this - but I'm having problems with the ladies.  I love to ride, spend a lot of time out on the trail on my bike and am meeting a ton of women there - but can't get any of them to go out with me.  So I've decided to try online dating.  I just took this photo of myself as my profile pic.  Do you think this will help my chances?

Thanks, bro!
Dean B.
No question dude.  You're a whisper away from hooking up - I can just sense it.  Just remember, women like a man who is confident - so don't be too reserved  - really show them what you've got to offer from the outset.

Dear PooBah,
My best friend is trying to learn how to ride a bike.  I cannot believe that she doesn't know how to at this age, but I feel bad that she has never known the pleasure of flying down a street on a bicycle!  So I'm trying to help her out by teaching her how to ride just like my parents taught me.  I stand beside her and grab the rear of her saddle with one hand and then run alongside, gently pushing the bike forward as she pedals, but she still isn't getting it.  Could you provide any other techniques that might work to getting her up and going?

Thank you so much - I hate to bother you with such a silly question.

Daisy D.

No bother at all!  That's why I'm here after all - right?  It sure looks like you are doing everything correctly.  Just remember, practice makes perfect.  Speaking of which - I hope the street you are practicing on is nice and flat and free of traffic - that is important to make her feel more comfortable.  Listen, I'm going to email you the address for COMO CYCO headquarters....the street out front is absolutely IDEAL for this kind of thing and I'm sure it will make all the difference.

Have a great weekend, everyone -



  1. I was getting all kinds of worried about the gratuitous amounts of male innuendo in the letter bag until that last response. *Whew* Glad to see beautiful, scantily-clad women still mail you regularly with their "bike related" conundrums. I was beginning to think they all migrated away due to the Poobah's extended leave. It was lookin' like a regular hot dog cart around here...

    (kidding, I find jokes of all sexuality hilarious)

    Also, despite the fact Levi isn't generally associated with performance enhancers by most people, I'm still surprised no joke was made involving blood doping and the men in the first picture. Then again, I know I'm not clever enough to do so.