Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Muscles....flexed, blocked and tainted

It seems that the news of the cycling world is rife with talk of muscles, whether it is in reference to tainted meat ingested by Alberto Contador or this story printed yesterday that could have far reaching implictions within the world of professional cycling.  According to an article published in VeloNews, the cycling industry has a new muscle, and that muscle's name is Robbert de Kock.
Of course, the first question I had upon reading this article was exactly how would this newly discovered cycling 'Kock-muscle' be flexed?  Well, it seems that Robbert de Kock will lead an organizination called the WFSGI which will oversee standardization of bicycles manufactured and provided for bicycle racing, thus both ensuring safety standards are maintained and taking some of the guesswork out of what the UCI will and won't allow.  The very perceptive VeloNews reporter who wrote the piece posed the question of whether or not the UCI might attempt to Kock-block the WFSGI by delaying review of applications:

Undaunted, Robbert de Kock is proving to be a hard nut to crack, so to speak, and is pushing the UCI to ensure that they... "can realize and live up to their promise to have a guaranteed one-month reply for the drawings and two-month for the visual measuring process."

I would hope that two months would be ample time to visually measure any "applicant"....

But speaking of Kock-blocking, I stumbled upon some photographs of the Italian National Women's cycling team admonishing a crowd of onlookers when they were on stage at the World Championships in Geelong, Australia last September.  Is it just me - or does anyone else find the scarlet red color of the chamois panel on their bib shorts an odd choice?
The entire team raised their glove-covered hands in unison to the onlooking crowd which revealed letters spelling out the words "mart nago" which I believe is latin for "Stop looking at our brilliantly colored crotches!"

It kind of looks like a crotchal Valentine....which honestly is sending out some pretty mixed signals...

Certainly, the men's team must have worn the identical Castelli bibs - right?

Not so much.....

And in other news, cyclingnews is reporting that an additional test might help Alberto Contador to clear his name for testing positive for Clenbuterol, a drug that has been illicitly used to trim fat and build muscle in cows and people.
Interestingly, this article makes the claim that if one's hair is tested and found to be devoid of clenbuterol, then it is more likely that the illegal substance was accidentally ingested rather than purposely taken.  Although the article doesn't specify, I'm guessing the presence of the drug in one's hair indicates a more long-standing administration rather than an isolated incidence of accidental ingestion which can still result in positive urine samples.  Lucky for Contador, according to one German scientist, "Clenbuterol sticks at least 20 times better to dark hair than to blonde," thus making Bertie's black shock a ticket to his vindication to be sure.  So the burning question now is, will he willingly offer up a sample......
(I'm guessing one pointy-sideburn's worth would do it....)

....or will he tell everyone that he's actually a true blonde but just dyes his hair black, therefore they shouldn't even bother testing his hair....
(I don't think the rug matches the curtains....)

Actually an alter-ego for Bertie may not be a bad idea.  Word is, hair or no hair, he's about to enter into a year long period of solitude and reflection.....and will do it sans maillot jaune.  And now that he's about to enter the club, it seems that acquiring an alter-ego that can do the speaking for him is the next order of business.  After all, Armstrong now has 'Juan Pelota' to post semi-anonymous tweets for him:

And Landis has his dog Beazed (who was particularly outspoken regarding Bradley Wiggins' most recent interview.)

So why shouldn't Bertie assume an alter-ego to do his talking for him as well?  Maybe someone that could take the heat off....
"Hi, I'm Clenny the Cow....I'm tainted, but tasty"


  1. All interesting cycling reports. I don't quite get the Juan Pelota thing though.

    The red crotch area of the cycling shorts must be a girl thing. I'll say one thing about it though.... it's not boring.

  2. Juan sounds like "one."
    Pelota is the spanish word for "ball."
    If you're on Twitter - read through some of "Juan's" comments and it will all become clear: LA's testicle says the things that LA wouldn't or shouldn't say.

  3. Thanks Poobah, that clears it up nicely. :-)

    I need to work on my Spanish.

  4. Poobah, the name of the blog is 'como' and yet you rarely talk about Columbia. Your blog is mostly about international bicycle racing and could just as easily be written by someone in Texas or Nigeria. If you notice, usually your only comment after these stories is 'david Henderson, who im guessing is a bicycle racer but like 99.999% of Americans who bicycle i have no idea who he is.

    Might i suggest at least a tiny bit of Columbia news in each post? Columbia could really use a blog like bikeportland.org. Now obviously that would take reporting and you have a full time job, or at least you did when you were struck riding there by the one armed man. However, maybe just a tiny bit of como cycling? Thanks poobah. You are the greatest thing since that new guy joined that one team thats sponsored by a foreign product ive never heard of before!!! Pure awesome.