Friday, January 21, 2011

Spoiler Alert! Tour Down Under edition of Friday Mail

Well, the Tour Down Under is certainly not disappointing us with respect to producing some unconventional results.  Whereas many thought this would be a race for the big-named sprinters, each day has brought a more surprising finish.  I should warn everyone that in case you are planning your entire day around the brief 30 minute telecast that Versus has dedicated to the race each afternoon, there are some spoilers contained below. 
First off - what about Cam Meyer's performance today in Stage 4?  Pushing the speed of the breakaway group, he manages to take the stage, the overall lead and the best young rider's jersey.

For the stage, he wins the bouqet of flowers, kisses from the podium girls and a large bong.

And for being the best "young rider" he wins the jersey that only looks good if you are using the aforementioned large bong.

If you've not been keeping score, you may be wondering what Cavendouche has been up to...

Well, he's had a rough go of it.  After crashing badly in Stage 2, on Stage 3 he was dropped hard finishing about 12 and a half minutes behind the winner, Michael Matthews of Rabobank.  Not only was he bringing up the rear, but the race organizers sort of forgot about him and accidentally pulled the 'green-light-truck' forward on him and then opened the course back up to public use before he could finish the last lap of the stage's circuit finish. He and a couple others had to ride in open traffic, occasionally having to stop for cars at intersections.  No love for the Manx Missile Down Under, I guess.

The Tour finishes Sunday in Adelaide.

And with that - we move onto some Reader mail:

Dear PooBah,
My wife washed my favorite pair of white bib shorts and headband with a brand new red shirt she bought and look what happened...This is the only pair of my team's kit I have and I had to race like this!
I'm absolutely livid with her.  What do I do now?
Hank J.

Hank -
First, call your home-economics teacher from High School. Admit to her that you spent that entire semester in 1987 writing your name in Motley Crue font and drawing picture of boobs on the cover of your Trapper Keeper instead of paying attention on how to operate a washer and a dryer.  Then, pass the phone off to your wife so they can commiserate on what an insensitive dumb-ass you are.  Next, find the owner's manual for your washer and dryer, open them and read cover to cover so you can do your own flipping laundry next time.  Lastly - I'd quit wearing that headband and driving your minivan to races unless you are purposely trying to be the T-Mobile version of Uncle Rico.

Dear PooBah,
I have a suggestion for your blog.  Why not add a book review where you can read bicycle-related books and then write reviews on them?  There are so many amazing cycling books out there.  I think your readers would love to hear all about them.  For example, right now I'm reading a cycling related detective story that is pretty scary!

I'd be happy to send you my copy when I finish it if you'd like.
Lyle F.

Thanks for the suggestion and the offer to read your book.  I have to say, it does look scary.  By the way, I hate to spoil the ending for you, but I think the Invisible Dick was eventually found.

Dear PooBah,
What were the best cycling-related and NON-cycling-related inventions that came out in 2010?
Margie K.

Great question.

Best cycling-related invention of the year was definitely edible handlbars.

Best NON-cycling-related invention would have to be Chuck Norris earrings.

Dear PooBah,
I've heard of helmet laws being pushed in a number of different states, now....but I just have to tell you.  Helmets are for pussies.
What do you think of that?-
Otto M.

Occasionally this is true.

Dear PooBah,
What did you think of Micheal Matthews of Rabobank winning Stage 3 of the Tour Down Under?  Do you think this win could give his career a boost?
Peter G.

Not unless he quits getting his hair cut like Jodie Foster in The Accused.

That's it for today, kids.  Have a great weekend -

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