Thursday, January 13, 2011

Tour down under: Towing your way to misogyny

As many of you are aware, the first major road race of 2011, the Tour Down Under, is just around the corner.  What you may not know is that the name of the race finds its roots in European medieval times.  The term "Down Under" was the original non-graphic descriptor of a man's genital region (before the term "junk" became popular) such that in times of yore, when one enountered a fair maiden at ye local pub, one might buy her a flagon of mead and then ask her if she would like to "take the tour down under."  Of course, the occasional unfortunate descendents of this clever lot that lost their way and fell into lives of crime were all banded up and shipped off to Australia, and thus the term was transported to another continent.  Recently, the originality of the Australians to name an entire bike race after the colorful euphemism has only been matched by their creativity for novel bicycle related inventions.  Take for example the new Australian bicycle rack.

Or the Bicycle Bungee.

It's the latter creation that I'm particularly fond of.  My only complaint with the advertisement for it is how they've tried to gloss over the issue at hand with a ridiculous PC polish.  Instead of Bicycle Bungee, why didn't they just stick with this little device's original name: 'The Ol' Ball and Chain?'
"Jesus, she is pathetic.  Why am I wasting my time on her slow ass?"

"I'm so pathetic.  My only redeeming quality is my loving husband.  I hope he won't withold sex from me for being so slow....but I probably deserve it.  I'm such a lucky little she-la"

Seriously, if this guy wants resistant training so badly, why doesn't he just tow a couple of sacks of concrete around?  It would be a lot quieter, and at the end of the ride, he could actually do something useful with load he's been lugging around and build himself a little monument to his own greatness.

I've already ordered a Bicycle Bungee for the GEEC and me, but we have an entirely different thing in mind for it.
I'm going to have her tow my ass to karate lessons every Thursday afternoon as soon as the snow melts.


  1. Speaking of Ka-ra-tay, Poobah, have you ever seen the movie, "The Hand Foot Fist Way"?

    Don't bother, it sucks.

  2. Poobah,

    I know that you are dreaming of using the bicycle bungee to keep up with the class 4 riders in town. In fact, you're probably wondering how to slip a unit on their saddle post as they stop for a piss break.

    Speaking of, I imagine that wouldnt be the first time you've had to "add a sleeve" because your post was too narrow.

    At least, that's the word in the peloton.

    -Your biggest "fan."