Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Talking out my ass: parasites and non-decisions

Yesterday I wrote a commentary about a story run by Cyclingnews regarding the UCI and Pat McQuaid.  In this story I compared McQuaid's comment of the UCI taking a bribe as "just not possible" to something else seemingly impossible involving the ability (or lack thereof) to breathe through the terminal aspect of my digestive system.  To this, a very astute reader made a comment regarding my ass, and I quote;

Anonymous said...
"You've learned to talk through it, why should breathing be that difficult?"
May 25, 2010 3:32 PM

To which I can only reply, "good point."  Sometimes I talk out of my ass so much here, I even cringe myself.  It's true.  Occasionally, running this blog feels similar to the recurrent dream I have of being back in high school.  In the dream, I manage to get to school unscathed and go to my locker which happens to be right beside the locker of a blonde, amazonian female classmate named Beth Eckleberry who doesn't even know my name, despite the fact that we've gone to school together for 7 years.  As we both retrieve our books from our lockers, I sense that something is awry and I look down and realize I have no pants on.  Thus far, I've been lucky that in said dream, my bare ass has not started speaking....but perhaps I've left that for the pages here.  So whether air, formed words or flying monkeys spew forth from my posterior, my disclaimer remains the following:  I write as I ride a bicycle:  with little training and even less talent, typically with great consternation and occasionally offensively. 

Thus, many things can be said about what I expel from my ass....but at least not what poor Ben Day went through with his ass as recently reported by VeloNews:

As reported by Neal Rogers in a piece called "Ben Day's Unwanted Passenger" on May 1st regarding the Fly V Australian cyclist and his participation in the recent Tour of the Gila:
"Day's ambitions for Gila changed, however, last Saturday after he extraced a four-foot tapeworm from his anus while on the toilet.  Following the extrication, which he described as "an out of body experience," Day suffered vomiting and diarrhea for several days, nearly knocking him out of Gila altogether...."
"I had a dangler," Day said.
At the time this photo was taken, after he had won the overall at the Redlands Classic, his little buddy was on board and flying co-pilot.

And speaking of unsavory things....If you've not been keeping up with what the good, good people at the Missouri Bicycle and Pedestrian Federation are trying to do to preserve the Tour of Missouri, please go read about it here.  According to Brent Hugh (Vice-Chair of the Tour of Missouri and Executive Director of the Missouri BIcycle & Pedestrian Federation), despite the specific appropriation for the Tour of Missouri passing both chambers of the Missouri General Assembly, the Tourism Commission is making a "non-decision decision" to withhold funding for the event.  Hugh and Mike Weiss (Chair of the Tour of Missouri) have formally requested a meeting with Governor Nixon or a staff member but to date, the Governor has dodged their every attempt to speak about the topic with them.  So despite the recommendations of the Missouri General Assembly and over 3500 constituents contacting Governor Nixon's office regarding the Tour of Missouri, he is refusing to speak to the organizers......
2008: Then Attorney General Jay Nixon recieving an award at Bicycle Day.

The Governor works for us.  He is a public servant.  And yet, he appears to be ignoring us.  If you want to see the Tour return, or at the very least, feel as though the Governor should have a meeting with the Tour's organizers to answer for his decisions (or non-decisions as the case may be) let him know here.


  1. Dude, chekc out route k in the news: