Wednesday, November 16, 2011

What did I miss???

Do you ever have those dreams where you are back in high school, and while on the morning schoolbus remember that you have a trigonometry mid-term, only to then realize that you haven't actually attended a single trig class all semester? And you think to yourself, "Holy shit - what have I been doing for the past month and a half?"  Professional sleep-ologists refer to this as an anxiety dream, and I have this particular one all the time.  However, in my own version I also arrive to my mid-term and realize I have no pants on.  Anyway, the past couple of weeks have been so busy at COMO CYCO headquarters that I arrived today and thought - "Holy shit - where have I been?"  Plus, I have no pants on. 

So it's time to play catch-up.  What did I miss?

Well the biggest news from the past couple of weeks has to be about Alberto Contador.  Congratulations are in order because he recently got married!  Unfortunately, immediately following the ceremony, he was partially blinded in the left eye by a thrown grain of rice, intended for good luck, but resulting in a deep corneal ulceration.

The crowds were scanned for who might have pelted rice directly at his eyes, and one familiar face was actually seen scurrying away on bicycle.
And in some cruel joke, those in attendance of the wedding who learned that the World Anti-Doping Agency has confirmed that it will not fund follow up studies to confirm the presence plasticizers in Contador's blood during the 2010 Tour, (suggesting he may have received a blood transfusion), decided to mock Bertie by wrapping his wedding car guessed it....a never-ending sheet of plastic.
It could have been worse, I suppose.  They could have slathered the car in steak sauce instead.

Sources close to the Contadors have reported that he was pretty nervous about his wedding night and sought some advice regarding how to "seal the deal" so to speak from a popular Spanish talk show specializing in sexual therapy.
Alberto was introduced to a puppet called "Mr. Happy" which proceeded to instruct him on the special art of marital consummation.

And apparently, Jens Voigt was pretty concerned that Alberto didn't really understand that the primary purpose of sexual intercourse is to procreate (he and his wife have a sixpack of kids) he sent this  story as a gentle reminder via his Twitter feed to Bertie and his new wife....

Congrats, Bertie!

1 comment:

  1. Alberto shielding his face from the white spray ruins the money shot. Still got him in the eye though.