Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Throw Downs Near and Far: Cyclocross and the Hotties vs. the Hasids

Despite, or maybe because of, the shortened, darker days of winter, the cycling world is seeing some epic throw-downs both near and far.  Firstly, the near.  This past Sunday saw the 2009 Missouri State Cyclocross State Championships in Hermann, MO.  It was a cold, overcast day with plenty of  mud, but the course was reportedly incredibly well-designed by Pro12 racer Jeff Yielding to be fast and fun.  Here are the winners of the various categories as reported by the official State Championship Blog.

PRO12 - Josh Johnson
Cat 3 - Dan Miller
30+ - Matt La Berta
35+ - Paul Quindry
40+ - Chris Heirre
45+ - Andy Lucas
50+ - Richard George
Women 123 - Carrie Cash-Wotten
Men 4 - Rock Wamsley
Women 4 - Stephanie Mcreary
Jr Men - Aaron Stull
Jr Women - Karen Brocket
Single Speed - Christopher Connolly

And in case you've always wondered what it's like to race in the Missouri State Cyclocross Championships in fast-motion, you can watch it here, courtesy of BubbaCXRacer on YouTube.

And next the far: An entirely different kind of throwdown is occuring in South Williamsburg, Brooklyn which is home to not only an old enclave of Hasidic Jews, but also the leading eastcoast manufacturer of hipsters.  It is here in Williamsburg where leaders of the Hasidic Jewish community have recently had bike lanes removed because the cyclists using the lanes posed "safety and religious hazards" to members of the resident Jewish enclave.  The religious hazards have apparently come in the form of women riding in shorts and short skirts, which are against the dress codes of the Hasids.  Religious laws not only forbid the Hasids to dress as such, but also to "stare at members of the opposite sex in various states of undress" according to the NewYork Post.

In order to keep Hasid eyes off of women, community leaders have successfully and legally had the white lines removed from the pavement.  In the ensuing battle that has been named the "Hasids vs. Hotties", a group of hipster insurgents is attempting to take back the streets through repainting the lines and associated lane demarcations in the middle of the night.

Not to be outdone by the paint-wielding hipster bike brigade, the Hasids have sent in their neighborhood watch group called the Shomrim Patrol to catch the hipsters in the act.

But things have only escalated as an alleged hipster named Ben recently commented on Williamsboard (a "Williamsburg hipster messageboard for arguing"), "i rode bedford [Avenue] this morning and kind of loled at the new bike lane markers.  then some jackoff yelled at me in hebrew and did a fake-out move, like he was going to shove me off my bike."  I'm still trying to figure out what 'loled' means but have to admit that if I had been 'loled' at, I might want to try to yell in Hebrew and bust out my best fake-out move too.  But the only Hebrew word i know is 'Shalom', which might not work with a threatening kung-fu-like fake out move.  Anyway, in case you are interested in picking up some tips and techniques in becoming a better hipster, the Williamsboard hipster messaging forum is a really neato-keen site chock full of photographs that hipsters post of themselves partaking in ironical activites like this.

Eating out at quaint establishments.

Getting their collective groove on.

Conversing at social gatherings.

Let's hope the Hasid's and Hipsters can feel the pull of brotherly love this holiday season and resolve their differences soon.  Maybe the female hipster cyclists riding down Bedford Avenue could try to embrace the recent ironical Tweed cycling craze?  No one wants to stare at that....

Pedal on!


  1. lol=laugh out loud
    loled=laughed out loud
    It can now be conjugated.
    Present tense 1st person: I lol. 3rd person: He/she/it lols. 1st person past subjunctive: I would have loled. 3rd person plural futre: They will lol.

  2. Loved the fast-motion CCX link--thanks. As to the Hipsters v/ Hasidics, can't we all just get along?