Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Less is more; Of Jeeps and Maseratis

Yesterday's post shed some light on the elusive, naked cycling ninjas that are prowling our streets.  But in reality, as more and more cold days descend upon us, only the most stout-of-heart continue to brave the frigid wind on their bicycles for endeavours other than commuting.  This of course leaves lots of time for other cycling-related shenanigans such as the recently reported roller races, which is a feigned attempt to make indoor training sexy, which in my opinion, is an impossibility.  And yet, we force ourselves onto the torture machines that live in our basements, spinning the cobwebs out of our legs, and there is nothing sexy about it.  But as we stand on the brink of the holiday season and all of the excesses it brings, moderation it would seem, is a powerful concept to remember.  At first glance, the concepts of "less is more" and sexiness would seemingly oppose one another, but perhaps this winter, this is not so.  Especially in the department of clothing.

Take these new Vermarc Wamup Tights I discovered on CyclingNews:

At first glance, they would seem to be normal tights.  That is, until you advance through the gallery of thumbnail images and you arrive at this shot:

Now I fully admit that I might be reading into the attempt at suggestiveness of this photo much as a Victorian gentleman would be excited by the accidental appearance of a young woman's ankle due to the fact that we are now in the heart of winter, and visualizing cyclists' bare skin is a rarity these days.  However reading the associated text accompanying these photos reveals some kind of overtones as well...

"In literally 10 can strip these off and toss them aside (to a waiting partner...)leaving your muscles warm when the gun goes off, and yet still properly attired for full-blown efforts..."

After all, one should always possess the proper attire whilst executing full-blown efforts and certainly when the gun goes off....Quarter or half-blown efforts require nothing so formal (or expensive) however, which is probably why mediocrity abounds in today's cycling circles.

Interestingly, these pants aren't the only item in the cycling world looking to reveal a little cyclist skin this winter, as the Italian Mr. Cycling 2009 competition was recently held in Cardano al Campo, Italy which pitted some of the top names in Italian cycling against one another including Petacchi, Simoni, Chicchi, Corioni and Pellizotti among others.  The last three of which engaged in a strip-tease battle to decide who would take the crown.  Each shedded their clothes and struck epic poses in attempts to woo the judges.

First Francesco Chicchi threw himself into an Oompa-Loompa-esque forward lunge...

Then Franco Pellizotti attempted The Thinker pose....

But neither could compete with Claudio Corioni's Elvis point which won the show.

Perhaps moderation this winter, therefore, actually refers to the costs of laundering, thus promoting more excuses to minimize clothing as an inspiration to stay on the bike, or trainer, as the case may be.  Take this story regarding new "Naked Gyms" in the Netherlands.

Important to note is that in each of the above photos, the individuals so ready to shed their winter clothing and prance about in all their glory (or lack thereof) are dudes.  The irony of this is that the male figure is really rather similar to an appliance, and is in this way, much as Elaine pointed out in an episode of Seinfeld, not unlike a Jeep.  In fact, the most famous of Jeeps were actually called 'Willys'.  And yet speaking as a Jeep, we find it quite amusing to flaunt our plugs and tailpipes about, as though we were, say Maseratis, when in fact, we are not. 

So with full respect to the female readers, and more specifically to all the male eyes that suffered through this post, just remember that if you are riding your indoor trainer this winter and need something to ignite that full blown effort, try keeping your clothes on instead and hanging this calendar on your wall with 12 months worth of real gear-mashing, ass-kicking Maseratis courtesy of cyclepassion.

Pedal on!

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