You can practically hear Carmina Burana if you stare at this picture for any length of time.
Music piped through ipod ear buds, or coming from one's internal soundsystem seems to be a reasonable method by which to seek musical inspiration. Apparently, this is not sufficient for some cyclists, however, who must take part in the act of having themselves filmed while riding and overlay this footage with some kind of soundtrack, marketing the final product as a "documentary". As we discussed before, whereas cycling itself is largely enjoyable and can, upon occasion feel epic in a very private sense, watching non-professional cyclists ride bicycles who are trying to emote 'epicness' is boring. Add in a soundtrack and depending on the choice of music, it becomes as irritating as a squeak in your Look pedals.
And with that, I bring you the new video entitled Paris-Chartres from Julien Rideau who "documented" the Rock'n'Rollin' Fixie Riders Club cyclists as they travelled by fixed gear bicycle, yes you guessed it, across the French countryside from Paris to Chartres. Like most stories, this one is about a journey. And I cannot help but notice the similarities this rag-tag bunch of cycling renegades shares with the aforementioned members of the Fellowship of the Ring as they make their way from The Shire-esque comfort of Paris across the wilds of Middle Earth.
Our journey begins in the early morning hours, under the cover of darkness. Our heroes stock up on provisions for the long road ahead....
In this scene, one of the Fixie Fellowship buys a box of prophylactics, as he's heard that the elves of Chartres are easy, but not so clean.
Then we are introduced to the main character of the story. He is nameless, but clearly carries a heavy burden. Is it the heavy burden of a metaphorical ring?
Alas, no. It is a physical handicap which makes him wear his helmet on the back of his head. Sadly, it appears as though our would-be Frodo is hydrocephalic as can be seen in this photo-analysis, with his helmet perched on his gargantuan head like a dixie cup poised on a bowling ball.
As the sun rises, bladders full of mead and Virenque energy drink must be emptied.
Much like the music featured in the LOTR trilogy, which combined both classical scores as well as songs sung by popular artists, so too does this documentary mix musical genres. As such, immediately following this image of raw and unflinching urination, the soundtrack changes from an ambient instrumental score to feature the unforgettable "She's Like the Wind" sung by Patrick Swayze....it is the first (and best) of four 'wind'-themed songs which comprise the remainder of the soundtrack.
And as the cyclists continue on their journey, the camera bears witness to the special armor each rider wears to protect them. No, these adventurers do not wear enchanted chain-mail made in the mines of the dwarf-kings, but rather thongs made of Parisien silk, each adorned with an amulet of their protector, Jerry Lewis.
Our heroes stop for lunch....a meal of steak and French fries. But they are confused by a food which possesses a French name, yet is American.
Treachery, it seems, lies around every corner. And exactly like Tolkein's famous Fellowship, betrayal by one of the circle of friends is suspected!
It seems as though Fred is trying to change the maps!! And our hydrocephalic hero is dumbstruck.....his helmet removed, his stocking hat barely able to squeeze on his engorged cranium....he is confused and speaks nonsensically.
And while the Fellowship teeters on the brink of disbanding, a lecherous Gollum-esque figure appears and shows interest in the heroes' quest...
What becomes of our Fixie Fellowship? Well, before night falls they arrive safely in Chartres, across an ancient bridge which possesses no guard rails....
I was hoping for a Monty Python ending, myself.....something rather like this.
But then I remembered that this was a French film.....c'est la vie.....maybe if the foot was hairy, though....
Pedal on!
