Wednesday, June 13, 2012

True Grit! Grandma broke her coccyx!

And by 'Grandma', I actually mean Andy Shleck, and by 'coccyx', I actually mean his sacrum.  He busted it up in a crash during the time trial at the Criterium du Dauphine, which he later had to abandon.  Much like brother Frank's separated shoulder in the Giro d'Italia, director Johnan Bruyneel said it was nothing more than a flesh wound and should not prevent him from racing.  Oops.  Either way, news today is that he's out of the Tour de France, and The Hog (Johan Bruyneel) is left one man shy of a full roster for his catastrophically plummeting RadioSchlep team.  Interestingly enough - he's got someone waiting in the wings that he recently snubbed by intentionally NOT inviting to join the squad going to the Tour de France:
Chris Horner

Interestingly, Bruyneel reportedly never even called the veteran cyclist (who has finished as high as 9th place at the Tour in 2010) to tell him he would not be going to the Tour this year.

"Horner said he learned about his exclusion from the RadioShack Tour team from his wife, who read it on the Internet and called him while he was out training.  He added that as of Monday evening, he had not yet spoken with anyone from RadioShack team management.  The last time he spoke with team manager Johan Bruyneel, Horner said, was a month ealier in Santa Rosa, California, when Bruyneel briefly visited the team prior to the start of the Amgen Tour."

Of course, who are we to doubt the management practices of such a master tactician, like The Hog.  I  mean, after all - he wrote a book and everything!  He MUST know what he's doing - right?

So, by my calculations, Team RadioSchlep's tour roster is one man short, and the month of July looks pretty open in Chris Horner's planner.  So, one has to wonder if Hoggy is going to give Chris a ringy-dingy in Bend, Oregon and say something like...."So, busy next month?" 

Let's have a pop quiz and try to guess how Chris will respond.

a. Go Schleck yourself
b. Put your request in writing on the interwebs, and my wife will read it to me
c. Only if you can start lacing my autotransfusions with some fucking Rogaine
d. Did you really marry an ex-stripper?  DAYUMMMM!

To add insult to injury, in addition to his injured sacrum, it appears as though Andy also has a horrible anus.  This is the second Team RadioSchlep member to be diagnosed with a horrible anus in less than a week!

The Hog has been frustrated with his team all year, to be honest.  They just seem to be lacking grit......bravado.....guts.....chutzpah!  In a word, they are lacking what I call the LTDF.....or the Laurens Ten Dam Factor.  You remember the Rabobank cyclist from last year's tour - right?

The dude that smeared his nose off on the pavement of some God-forsaken French road, got wrapped up by a hack Mavic mechanic posing as a medic with gauze that looked like it once shrouded Boris Karloff, but still finished the race?  This is what the Hog is looking for!  His own Chris Horner did not show at either the US National Championships or the Tour de Suisse because of a supposed "back injury" - and it was this last race omission that finally pissed off The Hog enough to kick him off the Tour squad.  Meanwhile, Ten Dam IS racing in the Tour de Suisse and literally puked himself all the way up the Verbier the other night (which I took pictures of on my TV!)

Even his 'O-face' is a god-damned grimace!

(I had to crop out the rest of this photo to keep this post rated PG....but can tell you that those Rabobank soigneurs really know how to give a rub down...)

And speaking of true grit in the Tour de Suisse, comes this story from the Dutch sports page of the site of a Swiss land owner who refuses to take shit off of anybody....literally.

Boer lubricates Lotto team car full of excrement.

The translated story just have to read it yourself:

Nothing like drinking a couple cups of coffee chased with a RedBull moments before your race starts, and having to pinch one off - but finding your team bus toilets backed being forced to doing your "big message" in a nearby forest, having the land owner catch you, then "make himself evil", by "recognizing your sweater," and then "smearing the team car loaded with your gevoeg."

Now THAT - is a horrible anus....


  1. Because I'm actually 7 years old at heart, I about died laughing at "the big message". Never too old or mature for potty humor...

  2. John and Cody -

    Glad I'm not alone!