Thursday, June 7, 2012

Trying to get to second base

I knew that trying to resurrect the blog once again would come with a certain amount of shit-slinging good natured ribbing.....and one might even say "McRibbing" as Tribune columnist SpokesMan compared the blog to a McDonald's McRib sandwich on facebook:

Johnson:  "This is the McRib of blogs.  It's not really that great but because it only comes around 1/12th of the year, I find myself craving it."

Speaking of McDonald's, I think they sponsor that new bike team here in COMO called Big Tree Cycling - don't they?  Man - they must have some money to throw around....How about a little monetary love from Ronald for some strategic product placement on this one?  I'll even throw in a diagram of a McRib if that will help.

(Take special note of the "lone pickle" in that aforementioned diagram.  For the past couple years, I have been the lone pickle in the COMO CYCO McRib when it comes to content.  Well I'm happy to announce that this is no longer the case.  I've just hired a second Pickle to help provide story lines, in an attempt to improve on the quality of this rag a bit.  In the spirit of anonymity, I wish to protect his name, so thought I would name him Second Pickle in Italian, which would be Sottaceto Secondo, but the abbreviation for that is 'SS' which makes him sound like some kind of that won't do at all.  So I'll just call him 'Pickle-2'.  We'll get back to him in a moment.)

Another comment I received yesterday on facebook was as follows:

CS: "How long as it been?  Seven months since the last update? Dude's more fickle than a teenage girl."

PB: If "fickle" is Latin for lazy - then I'm guilty as charged.

CS: "I think the translation is more akin to "shit or get off the pot."

Fair enough...fair enough.  I suppose it's time to poop then.

And speaking of pooping, poor Belgian pro cyclist Sep Vanmarcke had a bad day on the bike yesterday in the Criterium du Dauphine (CDD).  Apparently he was suffering from "gastric woes" which slowed his time trial today...

...and forced him to stop and duck into not one, but TWO restaurants yesterday during the stage to "let rip."  Hang on - do they have McDonald's in France?  Mais oui!
(Let's hope Sep experienced "L'exception Culturelle" yesterday during his visits.)

As previously mentioned, today is the individual time trial in the CDD, which means absolutely nothing since every source available has dismissed the CDD as nothing more than the training grounds for the Tour de France.  Team RadioShack Nissan-blah blah blah directeur Johan Bruyneel is quoted today as saying "He [Andy] is in the Dauphine to try to improve his condition for the tour."  I'm sure that makes the organizers very happy.  Racing in the CDD is kind of like asking a different girl out the week before the prom so you can try your moves out to see what's going to get you slapped before the big night arrives.  Therefore, if any cyclist has a substandard performance, their directeur sportifs minimize the significance saying "Ah....he's just opening his legs up a bit....he will be on form for the - he went for the bra hooks a little soon this time, but he will get to second base when it really counts." 

Thus I bring you the case of Schleck the younger, who's #Schleckchute seems to have been in constant deployment during the race.  As everyone knows, time trials are not quite his forte, so I was happy to find a photo of Johan giving him some tips prior to his start today:
Fuck the wind tunnel testing I say.  The Hog can sense the perfect angle of your helmet and guide it accordingly with his bare hand.  All hail the wind defying power of his touch.

Well maybe not so much.  Word just in is that Andy's ass kissed pavement hard today when he fell in a "wind-gust" 12km into the 52km course.  No boobies for Andy.

The Hog's comments afterwards always supportive; "You don't expect to crash from a gust of wind."

And speaking of boobies, before I leave you today, I have to go back to our new contributor, Pickle-2, very briefly.  Yesterday I gave him an assignment to come up with a good story for today's post.  And sure enough, in my inbox this morning, I found an email with the subject of: "Naked Women's bike team" with a link that lead me to this photo:

Naked Women's Racing p/b Tribella sounded like just the kind of story we'd like to tell here, as they are clearly outstanding ambassadors for women's cycling and ride in support of a literacy project called Ride for Reading.  Then I read the rest of Pickle-2's email:

Poobah -
"I did not find a single naked girl on this page.  Total bullshit."

Until then, I hadn't even considered the possibility that a link with the name Naked Women's Bike Team might actually lead to a website with naked women on it - I just naturally assumed it was a women's cycling team sponsored by Naked Juice that was concerned about the reading abilities of our youth!  But now I feel foolish - because their little double entendre is the equivalent of a "That's what SHE said joke" and I didn't get it!  Well I say the joke is on you, ladies!  Don't think for one minute your team name is going to draw more hits on the interwebs by its very nature.  We guys aren't just a bunch of walking penises, falling for any link that says Naked Women on it.


  1. Damn you Poohbah, you used the lure of "Naked Women" to Rickroll me!

  2. You should see the search terms that lead people to our site, including but not limited to, "naked women being broken on the wheel" and "little girl racing naked."

    Thanks for the shout out regardless of how you found us though:)

    1. Rachel-
      I'm assuming since a Google search for "Naked Women Being Broken on the Wheel" leads to your site, that means that name has not yet been taken for a women's cycling team! Hard to believe, honestly - but that one is ripe for the picking! Perhaps they could be powered by the Opus Dei and advocate the benefits of flagellation. After all, nobody expects the Spanish inquisition!