Dear PooBah: Friday Mail

It's Friday and there is snow in the forecast, which made me think of the perfect winter bike I found on Craigslist the other day.  I thought I would share it with you in case anyone was interested.

"Perfect for commuting and just leaving outdoors.  Great for everyday use.  Great "Winter bike".  I can't remember if it is a Mens or a Womens, but I know it's 3-speed.  Pick up only.  Bring a shovel."

On to the mail!

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Dear PooBah,

I read your post yesterday with great interest.  Right up until the end, when you mocked the most famous of all bikes, the Penny Farthing, by showing some shleprock in an endo as your version of "Biking 1.0".  Not cool, PooBah....not cool at all.  Consider this reader "not amused", as you like to say.  Oh, by the way - I thought you would like to see my ride.

Chauncey H.

Secretary, Mid-Missouri Regional Penny Farthing Club

Chauncey,

Thanks so much for your note.  Nice bike.  I didn't know Velocity made deep-V rims in dayglo-green!

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Dear PooBah,

Dude, I need your help.  I shacked up with this chick that I met on my bike commute home last night on the trail.  She seemed a little kooky - but hot as hell!!!  We ended up back at my appartment and she stayed the night.  During the night she got up to do something - but came back to bed pretty quick - so I thought she just might have gone to the bathroom and didn't think any more about it.  Anyway - I got up early this morning for work and told her to make herself at home and leave whenever she wanted to.  When I got outside and tried to retrieve my bike from the rack outside my building, this is what I found.  I took the bus instead.  WTF do I do now???

Thanks!

Bill

Bill,

I'm just going to take a stab at things here, but I think she may be wanting to take the relationship to the next level.  On the upside - if she is as serious about you as I think she is, maybe she'll clean your bike for you?  The thing's a wreck!

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Hey PooBah!

I have been trying to think of a color scheme for the new fixie I'm building up but can't decide on any.  Well, last night, I was looking through GQ and saw this!  What do you think of these colors?

Bryce

Bryce,

I agree the color scheme is impressive, but not as much as the pants this guy has on.  I mean - with that much room in the crotch - you've got the space to carry your patch kit, a pump, your lunch and maybe a small squirrel that could act as your butler.

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Dear PooBah,

Do you really think Bradley Wiggins finds his inspiration in Johnny Rotten, as you wrote about in one of your posts last week?

Thanks!

Sid V.

Sid:

Perhaps you're right.  That photo of Wiggins I used was taken last year in Boulder, CO at the 2009 Garmin-Slipstream Team Welcome party, so was a little outdated.  This year, I think he might be channeling Twiggy.

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Dear PooBah,

I hate my parents!  They don't understand me at all.  I just want to take off on my bike and ride as far away as I can!  Are there any bike gangs you know of that I could join, like the marauding bike pirates you spoke of yesterday?  Like the kind that is depicted in the new 30 Seconds to Mars music video?

Can you give me some advice?

Thanks,

Chelsea

Chelsea,

Well it looks like you are halfway there!  You've got the bike and some sweet jammies that could double as your bike-gang costume.  My only suggestion is that you ditch your little brother's Etch-A-Sketch for spreading pirate-like anarchy in place of an iPhone.  They have an app for that.

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Hey PooBah-

I thought your 'Ninja Rider' post was completely ridiculous.  That is, until I found this picture of Alberto Contador taken while he was training in Italy last week!  Do you think he could be moonlighting as one?

George M.

George-

Could be.  But I'm thinking he's moonlighting as the lead singer in a new boy band with Boonen and at least one of the Schlecks instead. 

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Thanks for reading everyone.  Stay warm this weekend and ride safe.

Pedal on!

Ninja Riders

About a week ago, Robert Johnson, aka "SPOKES MAN" over at the ColumbiaTribune wrote an interesting article entitled "Shine a light on ninja riders" which I think deserves a little more attention.

The first paragraph lays out the premise for the article:

"There is a creature roaming the streets of Columbia that strikes fear into the hearts of motorists and responsible bicyclists alike - the "ninja rider."  Ninja riders are bicyclists who ride at night without lights and, like real ninjas, travel through our communitry barely visible."

Of course, Mr. Johnson is completely correct that riding a bike at night without lights is ridiculously risky, but the part of this opening paragraph which really scared me was the notion in the second sentence that "real ninjas" are travelling through our community, and that they are barely visible!  Was anyone else aware of this?  I thought this must just be a device Mr. Johnson created for his article, but then I found this here.

It seems like this is the real thing.

I think, in general, ninja's probably get a pretty bad rap - as like the rest of us, they are just trying to make a living and bring home the bacon.  Admittedly, for them, this generally means via killing people, but hey - who am I to judge?  But what is really creepy, is if what Mr. Johnson says is true, then ninjas could be walking amongst us - and be barely visible with the use of their ninja skills and clothes which facilitate quick concealment.  Take these new cycling jackets I stumbled upon that allow quick conversion from average bike commuter to cycling ninja in a mere seconds.

But ninja apparel isn't the real challenge, I'm guessing.  it's the ninja's bike, which also must be stealthy and easily concealed in the dark of the night.  Where can the cycling assasins find such a thing?  Look no further than Aurumania, who makes the "Night Bike."

With 24k gold-plated spokes, it has to be a fixed gear, as I'm guessing most cycling ninjas are actually hipster-outcasts who fell out of the fold of the skinny-jeaned urban cyclist cult once their daddies cut off their bank accounts, but yet still possess mad fixed gear riding skilz.  Note the complete absence of all reflectors and lights....

Like many companies, I assumed Aurumania may use models to pose with their bicycles as part of the marketing strategy to appeal to the kinds of cyclists that are most likely to identify with their bikes.  Therefore, I searched the photo gallery portion of their website to try to find some downloadable images of actual ninjas riding their bikes, and sure enough, I stumbled upon one.

I think Mr. Johnson may have gotten the concept of the modern cycling ninja all wrong.  Perhaps they follow the instincts of their hipster roots, and take the minimalist approach that they favor for their bikes: no gears, no brakes, no reflectors, no lights, and now....no clothes....but apparently a very large fro.  So instead of being "barely visible", they are in fact just "bare."

And I may be mistaken, but this particular ninja looks a LOT like a 1972 version of Levi Leipheimer.

I used my CSI-like, high-tech photo enhancing techniques to further examine if in fact, Levi has become the new covert spokesman for the naked-ninja cyclist movement.

This thing just keeps getting creepier by the minute.

I think we would all do wise to follow Mr. Johnson's advice on this one, and beware the cycling ninja, elusive creature of the night.  He carries neither light, nor shame.  God knows where he keeps his extra tube in case of punctures.

Pedal on!