Vampires, bitches.....time travelling vampires.

Last night at about 10:32 PM, I got an urgent text message from Pickle 2.

"I just ordered Tyler Hamilton's new book on Kindle.  It's going to automatically download as soon as it's released in 28 minutes."

 

Now, some of you may realize that yesterday was the first COMO Cyclocross race of the season.  And for me - this was the first competitive type of bikey thing I've attempted since 'jacking up my shoulder real good' in July and also obliterating a bone in my little toe about 3 weeks ago while chasing the COMO CYCO dog through the living room.  (Who would have guessed that the material properties of my pinky toe bone were no match for the cheap pine that my coffee table leg is constructed of?).  The evidence:

So, about the time Pickle was texting me about Tyler's new book, I was soaking in the tub, nursing my bruised ego, my swollen pinky toe, and my deviated collar bone, which these days protrudes so prominently under my skin that it looks like my shoulder is trying to conceal an erection.  I responded to Pickle nonetheless:

 

"Dude - do NOT stay up all night reading that thing!"

 

Pickle replied, "Can't.  Too effing tired from cross.  Gonna crash any second!"

 

As if we needed more reasons to ride bikes, or race cross, here was suddenly another one staring at me in the face....to escape the bullshit of the real world, if only for a brief time.  When you are talentless, weak and have a center of gravity that is way, way, way too fucking high to be taking a downhill off-camber right angle turn over tree roots at full speed, you tend to suddenly not give a shit if Lance Armstrong doped, or what Tyler Hamilton has to say, or if you accidentally left the oven on....you just don't want to go over the handlebars one more time and make the tent that your shoulder is pitching obscenely reveal its inner bone by finally poking on through the skin. 

 

However, as all things pass with time, so too does the mind-emptying bliss that one can only feel through sheer physical exertion, and slowly we start to re-occupy our brains once again with the news of the day.  Such was the case for me this morning when I tried to take a peek at what was going on in the Vuelta.  I had heard a rumor that today would be the ultimate showdown between Joachim Rodriguez and Alberto Contador (who were sitting in 1st and 2nd on GC) - and I was eager to catch a little of the action of the end of today's stage.  Logging on to Cyclingfans.com, this is the Eurosport feed I got.

 

 

Now, you may not have noticed, but if you look very closely, you will see, coincident with an interview of Alberto Contador, that there is a very subtle commercial for what appear to be a group of Asian women who want boyfriends.  This is what is known as subliminal advertising, and has proven to be very effective in gently convincing your brain that you desire something by showing mere hints and glimpses of the subject matter.  Regardless, I am generally happy to see Bertie do so well today and to be back in the peloton after having served his doping suspension.  This year's Vuelta is proving to be quite possibly the most exciting of all the grand tours this year.   Who can be sure, really, if he is juicing now - but regardless of his activities, I will say that that the Asian ladies that I'm being warned "will pursue" me on Eurosport definitely appear to have been on some serious performance enhancing programs.

 

And speaking of performance enhancers, there is more good news in the Lance Armstrong camp today.  First and foremost, a couple of very prominent athletes are speaking out in his defense.  The first is former professional baseball player Jose Canseco.  You may remember Jose as not only an accomplished designated hitter, but also a professional athlete who admitted to using performance enhancing drugs who wrote a book about it called: Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits and How Baseball Got Big.  Well in a recent article,  he comments on Lance,

 

"Just leave the guy alone and let him be the best there ever was or will be.....Liquor and tobacco will kill you, and of course they're legal.  But steroids, growth hormones, and enhancement chemicals that have the potential to help you live better and longer [are] illegal just like cocaine and heroin.  That needs to be changed soon if we want to continue to push the human body to its physical limits."

 

Well said, Jose.  Oh yeah, did I mention Canseco wants to be a Vampire as well?

 

"One thing I never understood is why anyone wouldn’t want to be bitten by a vampire. It’s like, what the fuck? Are you kidding me? I’d become a vampire in a heartbeat. They’re immortal, they can fly, and they can time-travel… what’s so bad about wanting to become one? What’s the worst thing that can happen? You have to eat a few people now and then? "

 

Ever hear of Hep B, Jose?  And also - hold the phone for one cotton-picking minute!  Vampires can time travel?  Since when?  And who said anything about them eating people?  I don't know, man.....the time travel shit could be cool - but the eating people?  Anyway - as if having Conseco's endorsement isn't enough, Lance also got the support of Barry Bonds.  The former pro-slugger, who happens to have been recently found guilty of felony obstruction of justice for lying during an investigation into his own steroid use said this of Armstrong just yesterday,

 

"I think if it wasn't for him, U.S. cycling wouldn't even be here.  He was the greatest cyclist of all time."

 

I couldn't agree more with Bonds on this issue.  Marshall "Major" Taylor?  Never heard of him.  Andy Hamptsen?  Chump.  Greg LeMond?  Overrated.  Davis Phinney?  Isn't he the father of somebody famous?

Who the hell is that?  Not Lance - that's who.

 

Well Jose and Barry aren't alone, apparently.  Word in today is that 23 Californian state senators have petitioned the two U.S. Senators from California to request a formal review of the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency.  The petition never mentions Armstrong, but does say,

 

"The United States was founded under the fundamental premise that everyone has the due process right to be presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.  To that end, we respectfully request that you call upon the Office of National Drug Control Policy and the appropriate oversight committees of the United States Congress to develop appropriate constitutional protections and conduct a comprehensive review of USADA's operations and finances, with special attention to USADA's unilateral changes in the rules for dealing with athletes who have never failed a drug test."

 

What a coincidence!  And how timely is it that these Californian senators decided to look into the USADA now of all times.  I know what you are thinking....sure Judge Sam Sparks already said that USADA was within its rights to charge Armstrong and is not acting "unconstitutional."  And absolutely, Lance waived his right to an arbitration hearing.  And yes, Lance agreed, just like everyone in the US who gets their license through USA Cycling, to adhere to the rules of the USADA.  But come on....we can bend the rules just a little bit for him - can't we? 

 

I mean - Jose and Barry said he's cool - so he gets a pass right?  Just think of the vampires.  The world needs its blood suckers to live in perpetuity, right?

 

Man - how many days until the next cross race?  I need to seriously forget about this shit.



What did I miss???

Do you ever have those dreams where you are back in high school, and while on the morning schoolbus remember that you have a trigonometry mid-term, only to then realize that you haven't actually attended a single trig class all semester? And you think to yourself, "Holy shit - what have I been doing for the past month and a half?"  Professional sleep-ologists refer to this as an anxiety dream, and I have this particular one all the time.  However, in my own version I also arrive to my mid-term and realize I have no pants on.  Anyway, the past couple of weeks have been so busy at COMO CYCO headquarters that I arrived today and thought - "Holy shit - where have I been?"  Plus, I have no pants on. 

So it's time to play catch-up.  What did I miss?

Well the biggest news from the past couple of weeks has to be about Alberto Contador.  Congratulations are in order because he recently got married!  Unfortunately, immediately following the ceremony, he was partially blinded in the left eye by a thrown grain of rice, intended for good luck, but resulting in a deep corneal ulceration.

The crowds were scanned for who might have pelted rice directly at his eyes, and one familiar face was actually seen scurrying away on bicycle.

And in some cruel joke, those in attendance of the wedding who learned that the World Anti-Doping Agency has confirmed that it will not fund follow up studies to confirm the presence plasticizers in Contador's blood during the 2010 Tour, (suggesting he may have received a blood transfusion), decided to mock Bertie by wrapping his wedding car in....you guessed it....a never-ending sheet of plastic.

It could have been worse, I suppose.  They could have slathered the car in steak sauce instead.

Sources close to the Contadors have reported that he was pretty nervous about his wedding night and sought some advice regarding how to "seal the deal" so to speak from a popular Spanish talk show specializing in sexual therapy.

Alberto was introduced to a puppet called "Mr. Happy" which proceeded to instruct him on the special art of marital consummation.

And apparently, Jens Voigt was pretty concerned that Alberto didn't really understand that the primary purpose of sexual intercourse is to procreate (he and his wife have a sixpack of kids)....so he sent this  story as a gentle reminder via his Twitter feed to Bertie and his new wife....

Congrats, Bertie!

Unveiled! The lucrative art of blogging.

After last week's edition of Friday Mail, a comment was left anonymously which I wanted to make sure everyone had a chance to read:

Anonymous said:

It's amazing that you pay all of that money for the usage rights for photographs for professional bicyclists.  That must cost you hundreds of dollars per week.  You are one dedicated blogger, because we all know that you would never simply swipe them off the internet.

Oh Anonymous, really you are too kind.  The hundreds of dollars I spend every week on bringing my readers quality photographs of professional cyclists pales in comparison to the thousands I spend on photographs of scantily clad women on bicycles.  THOSE are the really expensive ones!  I kid, I kid.  Really - any money I spend is worth the sense of satisfaction I feel when I think that perhaps I've brought a smile to your face, or a tear to your eye with one of them.  It's the least I can do, especially when you consider just how lucrative this blog has become.  Why, my only sponsor has never even cut me a check - but I cannot bring myself to take down their link, because I really dig their product!  (It's really helping me fight a scorching case of pubic lice) Do I care?  Not at all - because I am paid in something more than just money, Anonymous.  I am paid in the good will of readers just like you.  So thank you.  My dedication is to you kind sir, or madam.....and to the power to "right click" and "save as".  That said - I do try to give credit to photographers when possible.  But alas, the InterWeb has become a vast and wild sea of imagery, and I am but a wayward  rubber ducky floating upon it who bumps into said photos and collects them.  Often - it's impossible to know their site of true origin, but I love and share them nonetheless.  And when I do know from whence they have come, will continue to give credit where credit is due.

And having said all that, here are some photos that damn near bankrupted me, so I hope you enjoy them!  Firstly, today is a huge day of unveiling!  You may think I'm referring to the revealing of the 2012 Tour de France route that occured today in Paris, but no - I'm speaking of Justin Bieber releasing his new Christmas single titled "Mistletoe" today!  Can you believe it?  Christmas is only 9 short weeks away?  How dare he make us wait so long.

I want to Belieb I didn't pay anything for this photo.

But what about all that Tour de France nonsense?  Yeah - that happened today as well.  The ASO busted out the red carpet and the cycling elite were all in attendance and absolutely riveted by the presentation.

Spaniards Sammy Sanchez and Bertie were busy fingerbanging themselves in the mouth while some other shleprock studied the insides of his eyelids (link). 

Meanwhile, no one in the second row could hear a god-damned thing because of some irritating nibbling sound that was echoing throughout the hall.

The entire front row finally got up and moved after Tommy Voekler spit his chewed off thumbnail on to the back of Thor Hushovd's neck.  Cavendouche tried to throw a rainbow-flavored stink-eye his way, but Voekler just thought he was practicing how to look more French in honor of the occasion and never noticed.  And some poor dude in the third row tickled his own frontal cortex with his index finger digging for a maillot nugget. (link).

Norwegian cyclist Edvald Boasson Hagen (aka Eddie Bo-Hog) couldn't attend the festivities in Paris as he was busy in Norway throwing axes, building Legos and "hitting the nail"?

I'm really not sure if "hitting the nail" is some kind of Norwegian euphemism, but thankfully the article spared us from any such visualization of Eddie playing Legos or "hitting his nail" and just showed him chucking a rather menacing axe.

Those Norwegians know how to kick up their heels.

And in case anyone is keeping track, the cost of using the photos to generate this post was $413.23 which is surprisingly less than what I budgeted for because Bieber's people actually paid me to show that photo.  Don't say I never did anything for you, Anonymous!

Defending your honour, losing your credibility

Does anyone know if the Floyd Fairness Fund is still accepting donations?  I'd like to send some money. 

Here's the letter Mr. Landis received last week from the UCI.

Uh-oh.  Pat and Hein-y have had their "honour" offended because Floyd accused the UCI of "protecting certain cyclists."

Fast forward to Feb 12.  UCI press officer Enrico Carpani says that they (the UCI) are "pleased" with the  Spanish Federation's Contador investigation and further notes, "It is not beneficial to cycling to see Contador crucified."  You remember the Spanish Federation - right?  They are the ones that just cleared Contador of doping charges despite the fact that he failed two tests for Clenbuterol in his system.  It's so nice to see the UCI protecting wishing the best for Contador.

Pat McQuaid giving the "award of obscene hand-gestures" to Bertie in recognition of his now copy-protected fingerbang salute.

Floyd has written the UCI's attorney, Rolf Ditesheim (the man in charge of preserving Pat and Hein-y's "honour") two responses:

Response #1:

Hello Mr Ditesheim'

I haven't heard from you in a few days and thought I'd drop you a note with a few things to ponder. I'd like you to please try to reconcile this (http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/carpani-says-uci-pleased-with-spanish-federations-handling-of-contador-case) with your threat of litigation in light of todays exoneration of Alberto Contador. I look forward to your explanation.

Thank You
Floyd Landis

And Response #2:

Dear Mr Ditzensheim,
I hope something has not happened to you (!) I have been looking forward to getting to know you good. I have copied Mr. Verbeast at the UCI because a year ago he sent me a similar email asking for some kind of retraction. I don't know what you want retractioned though(!!!).

And I am not living in Switzerland now though and maybe you have a colleague that you trust (and with his records!!!) that can represent me in my upcoming trial. If he can represent me for 500 Swiss Franks that would be GREAT (!!) because I am broke. (that would be 250 swiss franks up front!!!).

One other thing is I want to request that the trial be in Zurich in the summer because it is beautiful there but cold. If Zurich doesn't work possibly San Diego(?????). I live here!!

Thank You!
Floyd

This is a serious matter

(If you are wondering about all the odd (!!!s) and odder word choices in Floyd's response, I believe he's mocking Hein-y's writing style noted in a number of emails he sent to Floyd accusing him of being capable only of winning a yellow jersey in being a nuisance.)

---

At this point, I wish to stop and ask some questions to all those who have, like me, decided to waste far too much time following this saga.

1) Regarding "honour": Who actually sues somebody in order to protect their "honour" these days?  It's like some warped anachronistic medieval sentiment has suddenly sprung up in the midst of the soap opera - only instead of Pat and Hein-y challenging Floyd to a duel themselves, they've sent their briefcase-laden attorney/knight to fight in their stead.  I wonder if the letter also came with a virtual glove-slap across the face?

2) Regarding Contador:  Why isn't anyone testing the boy's hair?  Remember that it was the dark hair of 2008 Olympic silver medalist Dimitrij Ovtcharov which yielded a clean sample and thus provided the evidence that his positive Clenbuterol urine sample was likely from accidental ingestion.  If you didn't knowingly take Clenbuterol and recognized that your hair sample could exonerate you - wouldn't you willingly shave your entire head with the excitement of retaining your jersey and not being banned? (Ok - maybe not your entire head if you're Contador because he's got some scars up there - but at least one measely pointy sideburn. Shit, this investigation has gone on so long - Bertie could have grown an entire moustache and shaved it off to donate to the lab in his defense)

3) Regarding Contador #2:  What about the plasticizers found in Bertie's blood as reported by the NY Times in October?  The same plastic that is used to make transfusion bags was found in his blood at a level of 8 times over the limit during the 2010 Tour de France.

The UCI has now said that they will discuss the Spanish Federation's report with WADA and make a decision if they will appeal it or not - but what else could they say, especially considering the media's general sentiment on the issue of Bertie being cleared a farce.  As a spectator for the 2011 pro season, I think I'm going to be tuning my inner-cynic extra finely, unfortunately.  Cause this whole business is reading pretty damned high on the COMO CYCO Stink-O-Meter:

And if we didn't have Floyd publicly dropping trou' and pressing ham on the windshield of the UCI bus, who else would have the cajones to do it?  In some strange way, as a man with absolutely nothing else to lose, I think Floyd could be the person who could save professional cycling.

Muscles....flexed, blocked and tainted

It seems that the news of the cycling world is rife with talk of muscles, whether it is in reference to tainted meat ingested by Alberto Contador or this story printed yesterday that could have far reaching implictions within the world of professional cycling.  According to an article published in VeloNews, the cycling industry has a new muscle, and that muscle's name is Robbert de Kock.

Of course, the first question I had upon reading this article was exactly how would this newly discovered cycling 'Kock-muscle' be flexed?  Well, it seems that Robbert de Kock will lead an organizination called the WFSGI which will oversee standardization of bicycles manufactured and provided for bicycle racing, thus both ensuring safety standards are maintained and taking some of the guesswork out of what the UCI will and won't allow.  The very perceptive VeloNews reporter who wrote the piece posed the question of whether or not the UCI might attempt to Kock-block the WFSGI by delaying review of applications:

Undaunted, Robbert de Kock is proving to be a hard nut to crack, so to speak, and is pushing the UCI to ensure that they... "can realize and live up to their promise to have a guaranteed one-month reply for the drawings and two-month for the visual measuring process."

I would hope that two months would be ample time to visually measure any "applicant"....

But speaking of Kock-blocking, I stumbled upon some photographs of the Italian National Women's cycling team admonishing a crowd of onlookers when they were on stage at the World Championships in Geelong, Australia last September.  Is it just me - or does anyone else find the scarlet red color of the chamois panel on their bib shorts an odd choice?

The entire team raised their glove-covered hands in unison to the onlooking crowd which revealed letters spelling out the words "mart nago" which I believe is latin for "Stop looking at our brilliantly colored crotches!"

It kind of looks like a crotchal Valentine....which honestly is sending out some pretty mixed signals...

Certainly, the men's team must have worn the identical Castelli bibs - right?

Not so much.....

And in other news, cyclingnews is reporting that an additional test might help Alberto Contador to clear his name for testing positive for Clenbuterol, a drug that has been illicitly used to trim fat and build muscle in cows and people.

Interestingly, this article makes the claim that if one's hair is tested and found to be devoid of clenbuterol, then it is more likely that the illegal substance was accidentally ingested rather than purposely taken.  Although the article doesn't specify, I'm guessing the presence of the drug in one's hair indicates a more long-standing administration rather than an isolated incidence of accidental ingestion which can still result in positive urine samples.  Lucky for Contador, according to one German scientist, "Clenbuterol sticks at least 20 times better to dark hair than to blonde," thus making Bertie's black shock a ticket to his vindication to be sure.  So the burning question now is, will he willingly offer up a sample......

(I'm guessing one pointy-sideburn's worth would do it....)

....or will he tell everyone that he's actually a true blonde but just dyes his hair black, therefore they shouldn't even bother testing his hair....

(I don't think the rug matches the curtains....)

Actually an alter-ego for Bertie may not be a bad idea.  Word is, hair or no hair, he's about to enter into a year long period of solitude and reflection.....and will do it sans maillot jaune.  And now that he's about to enter the club, it seems that acquiring an alter-ego that can do the speaking for him is the next order of business.  After all, Armstrong now has 'Juan Pelota' to post semi-anonymous tweets for him:

And Landis has his dog Beazed (who was particularly outspoken regarding Bradley Wiggins' most recent interview.)

So why shouldn't Bertie assume an alter-ego to do his talking for him as well?  Maybe someone that could take the heat off....

"Hi, I'm Clenny the Cow....I'm tainted, but tasty"

The Return of Friday Mail

Having recently returned from a respite of RipVan Winklalian proportions, today we find the mailbag virtually bursting at the seams like a fat kid's Aquaman underoos.  But before we can start tearing into those letters, I feel it important to bring up an article that was published today over at Cyclingnews regarding some very pointed remarks that former world champion Moreno Argentin has for Alberto Contador and the current pro road peloton in general.

If you are not familiar with Argentin, he is an Italian retired pro with an impressive list of palmares including stage wins in the Tour de France, Giro, Tour de Suisse, victories at Liege-Bastogne-Liege, La Fleche Wallone, Ronde van Vlaanderen and the Grio di Lombardia, not to mention multiple Italian national championships and one World championship in 1986.

(He was also born without an upper lip which means that his moustache, unfortunately, will grow directly into his mouth)

At any rate, this is what Argentin had to say about Contador and the peloton:

"Contador is a carefully calculated racing machine, made in a laboratory for one race: the Tour.  It doesn't seem to matter if he's got personality or not.  He and Schleck are the same.  You know how they're going to race: you know where to wait for them to do something.  They haven't got any originality........Now, the riders are all robots....with radios the riders seem to be controlled by a joystick.  The whole sport is in a mess."

Speaking of joysticks, it was Mr. Joystick himself, Mario Cippolini, who also struck out against Contador and the peloton exactly one week ago....

"In five hundred years or more, human beings might have both sets of genitalia, male and female.  I don't want this evolution to have started already in cycling"

How's that as a nod to women cyclists?

Anyway, it should come as no surprise that Argentin and Cipo are friends and like to vacation together.  On one recent ski trip, they had this photo taken of themselves together which they've used as a Christmas card they are sending out to the cycling community this year.  I was lucky enough to be the recipient of one and thought I would share.

And with that - on to a few letters!

---

Dear PooBah,
Where the hell have you been, man?  I mean - seriously?  I know you weren't sleeping for 79 days!
Yours -
Tim O.

Tim...
About 79 days ago, my significant other gave me two gifts that greatly affected my life and forced me to take some time off from blogging (and no - they weren't the clap and the Baywatch DVD box set).  They were, however: #1) a bedazzler and...#2) dance lessons.

---

Dear PooBah,

Christmas is just around the corner and I need a gift for my boyfriend.  He is a roadie...and his favorite cyclist is Contador.  Do you have any ideas?  THANKS!

Tricia P.

Tricia,

You might consider a cycling related graphic T-shirt.  They are all the rage these days.

(here's one I picked out for your boyfriend.  He can buy it here)

---

Dear PooBah,

I'm a Cat 5 and raced a lot this past year.  I saved up all my race numbers from the entire season but don't know what to do with them all.  I was thinking about assembling them in a large collage and having it framed for my house - because each one rekindles a special set of memories for me.  Or maybe I could put them on my bike one at a time while I'm on the trainer this winter to help encourage me to keep riding.  Do you have any other suggestions?

Thanks!

Sam T.

Sam-

Unless you are a Pro1/2 and just won any race that didn't take place in a shopping mall parking lot, there's a certain etiquette with respect to race numbers.  You must remove the number from your bike as soon as you can following the race and certainly BEFORE you put the bike on your car rack to drive it home....Imagine it as a turd in your chamois....you have to disclaim ownership to it as quickly as you can. Anything else makes you look like a Posie McDouche and will prompt heckles from all of the real cyclists who drop you on the weekend rides like you are the turd in their chamois.  However, if you want to show a little individuality, you could have one of these made from your race numbers... cause this isn't douchie at all....

(here's the link, Sammy!)

---

Thanks for reading everyone....it's good to be back.  Safe riding this weekend.

CCPB/GEEC



Tour de France 2010: Blood, Sweat and Tears

I'm back at last, and thankfully so since it is July, and the Tour de France is well underway.  I broke down and coughed up the $12.50 extra a month to order the Versus Channel so I can keep up with the action in the evening.  At first, $12.50 seemed like a lot to pay since my  Mediacom package is already outrageously priced, but last night I learned the true value of what I had purchased.  Not only does the new channel package come with Versus, but also the "Chill" channel which meant that after watching the harrowing Stage 3 cobbles, we got to flip over and watch the last hour of the movie Ghoulies.

And if you are like me, and you have some TdF catching up to do, I though I would post a bit of a recap thus far...

Prologue:  Spartacus prevails despite Armstrong using a helmet that cost $15,000 to produce.

While Armstrong's 4th place finish was certainly impressive, I cannot say that it warranted the hefty pricetag.  That said, something tells me Cadel Evans should have probably spent a little more on his own TT helmet which kind of made him look like the Flinstone's martian, the Great Gazoo.

And while Armstrong had a replica model made of his head and torso so that his TT helmet could be wind-tunnel-tested without him actually having to be present....

Other cyclists, like poor Andy Shleck, had to test their TT helmets out while sitting on the can.

Maybe this is why he finished in 122nd place.

And keeping with the theme of Armstrong not being present, he also began employing press conferences that were pre-recorded onto a laptop, which the media is now trying to interview after each day's stage.  Alarmingly, the pre-recorded messages don't respond to questions.

Stage 1:  Ale-JET Petacchi takes the sprint finish after Cavendish turns left instead of right and removes several sprinters.

And Lloyd Mondory crashes into Tyler Farrar, lodging his bike onto Tyler's rear derailleur.  As a result, Mondory suffers the double indignity of losing some skin on the left cheek of his ass...

....in addition to being called a "kikker" by Farrar in Flemish, which translates to the word "frog" meant to describe Mondory's erratic riding behavior, but unknowingly also doubles as an ethnic slur to the Frenchman.  Farrar apologizes, but still thinks Mondory rides like shit.  The theme for the day?  Here.

Stage 2:  Sylvain Chavenel rides into yellow in a breakaway performance on the same course where he fractured his skull during Liege-BastogneLiege not 3 months ago, as the peloton takes it's turn doing an impression of Bambi on ice....including Farrar who fractures his wrist and sees his chances at a green Jersey slip away...

Spartacus decides to neutralize the stage because of the carnage  which also includes his teammate Andy Shleck who ate some pavement, but later posed nude for his brother who posted the photo session on Twitter.

This thoroughly pisses of Thor Hushovd:

"I've been riding all day for the stage win and the green jersey and I end up with nothing," Hushovd continued. "This is not fair. Will the same thing happen tomorrow? Will the times for GC be taken before the pavés sections? If Alberto Contador or another big rider crashes tomorrow on the cobblestones, he's entitled to ask for the race to be neutralised too! So when will we race, really?"

Stage 3:  Thor gets his wish.  Real racing on real cobbles and real winning for the Norwegian national champion.  And despite Spartacus pulling Andy Shleck to the line in the lead group and recovering the golden fleece back from Chavanel, Saxo Bank is still cranky as Franky fractures a collar bone and Jens Voigt thinks the whole thing is stupid.

“I think the ASO owes the entire Tour peloton a public apology,” an emotional Voigt screamed from his bike. “I lost one of the best friends I have in cycling, Fränk Schleck. And it was written all over the road before the stage even started.

“It was a stupid race, and a stupid mistake from the race organization. All I want is a public apology. They should say ‘Dear riders, it was a mistake, putting on a stage like that.’ It was stupid, it’s as simple as that.”

Meanwhile Armstrong loses time after he flats, has to go it alone and ends up eating a lot of dirt....

....while Vino does an impressive job keeping his team together and tucked in nicely, thus putting Contador in a good position after the epic day.

I love July!

Resurrection

Spring is the time when emblamatic new life emerges from those things that lie dormant.  And frequently, we take inspiration from such things.  So too, in the world of cycling, which of us is not inspired by seeing those whose careers have taken a bit of a slide come forth once again to carry the day.  One might assume I'm speaking of Floyd Landis' second place performance at Battenkill last weekend.

Or maybe Cadel Evan's winning both the World Championships and also today's Fleche-Wallonne on an attack up the Mur de Huy, besting Alberto's entire index finger with merely his thumb.

There are other recent tales, like Riccardo Ricco winning the second stage and taking the leaders jersey at the Giro del Trentino today.  Ricco, of course, is trying to resurrect his career after being away from the sport due to convictions of doping, then leaving his girlfriend, racer Vania Rossi and their unborn child, when she too tested positive.  Susbsequently, Rossi's B sample came back negative and Riccardo "The Cobra" Ricco had a brand new head set design painted on his Bianchi.

Certainly, nothing inspires like a doper who leaves his partner and child, who then wins.  But two other recent tales of cycling resurrection have tickled my niggles even more.  The first is involving Lance Armstrong.  As everyone is well aware, in March of 2009, LA fractured his clavicle in the Castilla Y Leon race.  As he lay slumped over in the gutter, he began Tweeting about the occurence feverishly with his good arm (one-armed people can both drive AND twitter, in case you didn't know) and within moments, his became the most well-known collar bone in the world.  So momentous was this occasion, that the very ground upon which the bone was splintered became hallowed, such that the people of the nearby village of Antiguedad erected a monument to mark the exact location of the event consisting of a blue fendered bike, secured in a pedestal of cement and stone.

A plaque on the pedestal reads:

"La Clavicula de Armstrong

23-3-2009

Antiguedad"

I'm not sure why the good citizens of Antiguedad sacrificed what appears to be a perfecly good bike in honor of this event, or moreso why they angled the bicycle upwards like a giant erection....but I guess it's the thought that counts.  And by all accounts, people across the street from the monument   Europe reportedly stumbled upon flocked to the commemorative sculpture while walking their dogs to pay homage to Armstrong's fallen bone. 

Well disturbing news arrived last week when it was discovered that the monument had been vandalized and the bicycle stolen.  (I expect it to show up on FixedGearGallery any day now but with some deep-V Velocity rims, bright orange Oury handlegrips and an Aerospoke front wheel).  But town officials have assured the cycling community that not only will the site be resurrected, but it will now be made more difficult for vandals to get to.  Blessed be the bike that represents the collar bone.  Amen.

But none of these tales of resurrection is as exciting to me as the news that the Angle has risen.  Yes, the former Specialized Angel that used to appear at domestic and European races to represent the Specialized brand has been brought back and renamed the Angel of Echelon.  The organizers of the Echelon Gran Fondo series have "restored and resyled [The Angel] to emulate a protector and healer while still maintaing her celebrated allure and charisma."  In other words, she's still wearing tight clothes. 

"The angel character serves a dual role: one to inspire and support those off the bike and the other to captivate and cheer those on the bike," said Echelon Event Director, Hunter Ziesing regarding the Echelon series' new symbol which is designed to raise money for cancer initiatives.

I notice that the new angel comes complete with a bronzed breast plate that she didn't sport before.

I wonder if the new owners of the Angel thought she needed more protection.  Especially considering what happened to the old Specialized Angel at the hands of Cannondale.

Because as we know all too well, just because you've been resurrected doesn't mean you can't fall again.  At least we can hope so in the case of Ricco.

CCPB