Herman Cross wrap-up: From the bottom up.

Last Saturday afternoon, I popped my proverbial cherry in the wonderful world of cyclocross in the town of Hermann, MO.  Before I launch in on that epic tale of Cat 4 wonderment, I need to describe the fact-finding mission I went on the week before the race as I consulted with a number of friends on different strategies.  I considered this background research - data collection if you will, from those more experienced; each of whom gave me pearls of wisdom.

Friend #1:
"What are your expectations for Saturday?" he asked.
I answered, "1) To not severely injure myself.  2) To not severely injure anyone else. 3) To not severely injure my bike 4) To not finish last.
"You really know how to shoot for the stars, don't you?" he replied.  "If you don't really care about winning - then here's what you do.  Start at the back and let all the insanity unfold ahead of you and then start picking people off.  It's more fun to pass people than get passed which is what's going to happen if you start at the front.  Oh yeah - and have fun."

Friend #2:
"How do I ride through sand?" I asked.
"Pedal hard through it, and if you eat shit, keep your shifters out of it or else they're fucked," he answered.

Friend #3:
"Any advice?" I asked.
"Start at the front and if you need to puke during the race - go right ahead.  Remember - you are getting old and you kind of suck, so you've got that going for you," he replied.

So, as I lined up for my race, I positioned myself about midfield.  The reason?  I have no clue.  Friend #3 told me I should be on the front - but it didn't feel like I deserved to be on the front, and yet I really thought I was better than sitting on the very back like Friend #1 told me to do - so I compromised with them, like they were a little angel and little devil sitting on each of my shoulders. 

Just about that time, a race offical approached us, the assembled horde of Cat 4s .  In the front row were 2 or maybe 3 young kids who were clearly juniors.  The official smiled at each of them and told them how good it was to see them there and then proceeded to go over the rules, making special notation of where the first-aid station was located.  He repeated its location three times, which I took as indication that he has seen his fair share of Cat 4 cyclocross races.  I glanced apprehensively over to the guy on my left who was wearing a crash helmet with a sticker on it that said "Lick me", and then over to the guy on my right whose bike had porteur handlebars on it as I wondered what in the hell I was doing there.  After the official finished, another guy standing close to me dressed in full team kit and whom shall henceforth be referred to as the 'douche-packer,' yells to him.

"Are you going to do a call-up?"
"No," the official responds.
"Why not?!!" theDP answered, clearly irritated.
"We are only doing that for the 1/2/3 races," the offical replied, very politely.
"Well, why are the juniors in the front?" asks the DP.
"I guess because they got here sooner than you did," answered the official.
"You think that's a good idea?" the DP asks.
The official takes a deep breath and then releases it in exasperated fashion.  He looks right at the DP and then says in a very tired voice. "Listen everyone, there are juniors in the front.  Keep an eye out."
"This is bullshit," the DP mutters under his breath.

I was suddenly distracted away from the silent conversation that had been continuing to run in my head between me, and Friends #1 and #3 over my starting position long enough to turn to the DP and say, "Would you chill the fuck out, please?  We are a bunch of Cat 4 sacks of shit - and still will be even if your ass somehow manages to set the course record for the night!"  In a perfect world, I would have actually formed these words with my mouth and said them.  Instead they remained just a thought inside my brain.  But I still dreamt of saying them.  In the midst of this day dream, in which I'd become a chiseled, trash-talking, cyclocross-racing bad-ass, relaxed and sitting on my top tube at the pre-race start line, with legs so sculpted they looked like they had been carved from marble, telling tales of cyclocross racing adventures to the juniors huddled around me, I was suddently awakened by the voice of the official who was counting down from 5.  And then just as quickly, he had released us and we were off on what would prove to become the longest 40 minutes I had experienced since I tried to sit through the movie Blue Velvet.  Oddly enough, my experiences were not so dissimilar from those of Dennis Hopper's character in the film in that, I too, found myself craving an oxgen mask and screaming "Mommy" within about 3 minutes. 

But that's where all similarities ended, thankfully.   At some point after feeling my digested turkey sandwich start to creep back up my esophagus, I looked down at my watch to see how long I had been out on the torturous course, feeling certainly it had to be close to 35 minutes, only to find the number 15 staring back at me from the stopwatch function.  And it occured to me that somehow, someway, cyclocross actually proves Einstein to be correct.....that time is relative and when you are on that damned bike, it can slow to a virtual standstill.

I have no idea where or even how I finished, but eventually I accomplished all 4 of my goals.  My friends cheered me on as I dragged my fat ass up those wretched steps and over ridiculously positioned barriers.  I kept my shifters out of the sand - but did manage to go blasting right through the barrier adjacent to the pit.  I picked off my fair share of riders, and stayed out of the first-aid tent..... however I'm also pretty sure this guy may have kicked my ass.....and deservedly so.

photo courtesy.

All in all, a flipping fantastic time and I can't wait for the next one.  And once again, I need to thank all of my friends who coerced me into doing this and then tolerated (and continue to tolerate) my steady barrage of questions and worrying.   

Anyway, no one cares what a cyclocross race looks like from the bottom up, as this account describes, so let's see something far more entertaing: the great video made of the Men's 1/2/3 race by Brent Davidson.

Big congrats to COMO racer Jon Schottler of Team Michelob Ultra/Big Shark Racing who took first on Saturday and second on Sunday to win the overall competition.  An amazing performance.  And also a huge THANKS! and congrats to race organizer Jeff Yielding who not only won the 40+ master's division, but also put on an incredibly well-organized event, even if there was no call-up in the Cat 4 race.  Jeff - if you can just sort that one thing out, you might truly have yourself a quality event!

Hermann Cross 2011

This weekend is Hermann Cross 2011, and whereas this is not the first cyclocross race of the year, it is arguably one of the most popular cross races of the season - and it's nearly in our very own backyard.  In case you are oblivious to the ways of cyclocross - take a little peek at this video (which I chose from literally thousands of possible cyclocross compilation videos on YouTube for two reasons:  First, it is accompanied by a song from one of my favorite bands, OkGo!, and secondly, because it was uploaded by someone calling him/herself  'facepubes'.  With that combination, the video is sure not to disappoint......that and the flipping amazing dismount/mount at the 1:22 mark.)


With this coming weekend's race in Hermann, I contacted the organizer and proud father of Hermann Cross, Mr. Jeff Yielding, to see if he could answer some questions about the upcoming event.

CCPB: How and when did Hermann Cross first come to be?

JY: In 2008 the idea came from Josh Johnson from Columbia MO, he mentioned to me the idea of a night time race in the Hermann city park. One thing led to another and the race took off from there.

[Josh Johnson - a COMO native, is the current Missouri State Champion in cyclocross and races for BigShark out of St. Louis.]

CCPB:  Can you tell us how the race has grown over the years?

JY: The first year was invitation only due to a scheduling conflict with the St Genevieve road race. So as not to take away riders from that race I invited 100 racers to an awesome time in the mud.  At the time, this was the first night race in MO.

2009 was more a traditional race open to all.  The concept of the night race remained, and live music and food were added. There were about 110 finishers that year. It was truly an awesome experience with everyone having a good time.

In 2010, I expanded the event to a full weekend - so racing both Saturday and Sunday. Things were going along really well to begin with.  We had a huge turnout with really big fields, live music rocking from the stairs, awesome sponsors, and just lots going on. Then a huge storm hit as the last race of the night started. That race only lasted 3 laps before it was called due to the intense lightning. Then rain set in and it just kept raining, and raining and raining until eventually the park had a flash flood! It was definitely a low point for the event after such a high all day long. The park and equipment were ruined and all the races on Sunday were cancelled. 

But everything before the flood was spot on, and we knew that the extended two-day format could be successful.  Despite mother nature having her way, we knew we had something to build on for 2011!

CCPB: Awesome - so what are the big changes for this year's race?

JY: 2011 should be our best year yet as we kick off the MO Cyclocross race season. There is just so much going on:  Firstly, we have a brand new web site (hermanncx.com) As for the race, this year we are offering barrier primes, field primes, added categories for masters divisions, an announcer, live music, a leader's jersey awarded for each category, a professional photographer documenting the whole race, team championship awards, awesome prizes, food, free beer tasting and much more. And the weather looks to be awesome for the weekend. This is definitely an event, not just a race.

CCPB: Who are the outstanding men and women we should be keeping an eye out for in this year's race?

JY: Right now the highest ranked pre-registered women rider is Laura Scherff racing for Momentum Racing. A lot of the women racers tend to register on-site, however, so it's hard to say what that field will end up looking like.

The Men's 1/2/3 race is already stacked with quality riders including State Champions and past Hermann CX winners. It will be a battle under the lights Saturday night into Sunday to be sure. Who knows who will walk away the championship?

CCPB: Any advice or words of encouragement for the total cyclocross newb that wants to race?

JY: Bring what you have with no expectations and prepare to have fun. When your race is over sit back the rest of the night, cheer on the other racers and enjoy the event.

CCPB: For those that have never seen a cyclocross race, can you give them the top 8 reasons why they should come to Hermann to witness this in person?

JY:  Absolutely!

#1.       This could be the strongest field of Cross racers in one race MO has ever seen as we're going to be pulling riders from  MO, KS, IA, IL and OK.

#2.       The Stairs!

#3.       Hermann park is a great place to host a race, you can see almost all the action from one spot.

#4.       Live music

#5.       Food and beer

#6.       Great volunteers

#7.       Course design offers a bit of everything

#8.       Hermann, baby!  There could not be a better host city.

CCPB: Thanks Jeff!

The races start at 4:00 PM on Saturday with the Masters 30+ field and continue until the Men's 1/2/3 race kicks off at 9:00 PM that night.  Sunday, the show starts at 10:00 AM and continues until the final race kicks off at 3:00 PM with the same order.  Come on out and get dirty...

Inspiration

As the weather has turned very grey, cold and blustery this week in Columbia, and the daily commute has become more painful, I have been looking for current cycling-related distractions both to inspire and motivate me.  Not being into cyclocross is a detriment during the fall as there seems to be a veritable hornet's nest of cross activity going on.  As Jeff Yielding of Hermann, MO reports on his blog JYCycling, cyclocross is alive and well in the state of Missouri this autumn.  Looking at pictures of hard-core cross races makes me fully realize what a cycling panty-waste I am, as I prefer to stick to the road.

The problem here, of course, is that when you are looking for inspiration in something that you are unfamiliar with, you shouldn't look at the failures, but rather allow yourself to be swept up in the full romantic notion of the thing.  Take the following photo, for example of Valentin Tondeur, charging up the bois de Biscorne in the 1930 Paris cyclocross championships as published in the French cycling magazine, L'Intran Match. 

Now this is the stuff of cycling Gods.  If this image was all you were given to explain what cyclocross was, I daresay, EVERYONE would want to be slinging their bikes over their shoulders and running up rain-soaked hills across Belgium and France.  Until, of course you noticed who was among the spectators.  Ok - let's have a little quiz.  If I hadn't mentioned the fact that this was the 1930 cyclocross championship held outside of Paris, how could we still know this race was happening in France?  Is it the fact that 5 out of 7 of the spectators pictured here are wearing berets?

Perhaps.  But, I think the real dead giveaway is the haughty expression on these two chaps:

The key to looking haughty is to feign disinterest while raising one or both eyebrows. Haughty fellow on the right prefers to look at the camera instead of the race with eyebrow raised, and left haughty fellow is so disinterested, he keeps both eyes shut with both eyebrows raised.  Difficult maneuver and very, very haughty - typically only the French can pull this one off.  Although similar, the haughty look is not to be confused with the look of disdain which is marked by a furrowed brow and frown.

Interestingly, both AC and LA will be back together again today in France for the grand unveiling of the 2010 Tour de France route.  The Astana ship has become sort of like the Titanic lately, with everyone scrambling to get off as quickly as possible.  Since LA never received a paycheck from the Kazakh group and thus was never under contract, he was more than ready and able to take his proverbial ball and go home (or at least as far as Radio Shack headquarters) after the 09 Tour when it became apparent that AC wasn't going to roll over and play second fiddle.  Bruyneel has also announced he's leaving for the Shack (citing Vinokurov's return to the team as the reason), and not only is he taking his ball with him - he wants to take four riders currently all under Astana contract: Kloden, Popovych, Rast and Zubeldia. (Leipheimer and Horner have already made the switch). I hope the Shack is ready to open their wallets for the hefty buyouts required.  And Contador is left alone like an alter boy who just farted in church, holding the empty shell of a team that was at one time built around him by Bruyneel himself, who stated in 2008, "Alberto Contador has only one big goal for 2009 and that is to win the Tour de France."  So it's a little perplexing that regardless of LA's comeback, when AC stuck to the original goal conceived by he and Bruyneel in the 09 Tour that he was accused of not being a team player, and now abandoned.  Quite a little political powerhouse the Armstrong machine has become.

But, as an armchair directeur sportif, who really knows about the inner workings within the pro peleton?  Certainly not I.  And again, when ignorant about something, one should not look at the failures for inspiration, which I consider the entire aforementioned mess to be, but instead be swept up in the romantic notion of the thing.  So perhaps I should look to other cycling inspirational and motivational items soon to be released, like the new documentary movie about the 2009 Leadville 100 mountain bike race called "Race Across the Sky."  I couldn't help but watch the high-def trailer on YouTube and captured some stills from it.

The trailer is impressive, with commentary by LA and six-time defending champion Dave Wiens.  As it introduces the key players, the music is pretty folksy and low key.  But remarkably at minute 3:30, when LA is shown on the bike in earnest, the music quickly jumps into an epic, high-pitched choral arrangement over rapid percussion-driven orchestration giving it a Ridley Scott-Gladiator-type feel.  Helicopter shots seem to capture him from every angle.

As if the scenery weren't epic enough by itself (which it is) some obligatory drama is interjected with the use of yellow-on-black (colors familiar to anyone?) text on the screen.

Yes, indeed, anything can happen, and in fact does!  What you may ask?  Well the trailer tells you.  Lance, who is leading the race over rival Wiens, gets a flat tire.

No team mechanics here, no support crew in the middle of nowhere, he has to address this mechanical himself.  Here is the drama - right?  Having to change a flat with the defending champ biting at his heels?

As LA nervously looks behind him to catch a glimpse of Wiens, he quickly pulls out a CO2 cartridge.  Anxious to see if he is caught and passed we watch with anticipation.  And again - just in case we don't feel the heavy hand of the timer ticking away, another line of text is interjected.

Can the suspense get cranked any higher?  Well actually no, because anyone who read the race report knows that 1) LA's flat came in the last 10 miles, which he didn't even bother changing out, prefering instead, to simply blow some CO2 into, and 2) at this point in the race he was in the lead by a good 30 minutes.  In all honesty, he could have changed the flat, ordered a pizza and had a bit of cat nap in the time it would have taken Wiens to catch up.

Inspirational?  Hmmmmm well, I guess I would have to see it to know.  I haven't decided if its worth the 8 bucks yet.  In case you are interested, it's playing one night only, October 22, at the Forum 8 at 7:00PM.  But I might just watch my copy of Breaking Away again instead.

Pedal on!