Friday, December 17, 2010

The Return of Friday Mail

Having recently returned from a respite of RipVan Winklalian proportions, today we find the mailbag virtually bursting at the seams like a fat kid's Aquaman underoos.  But before we can start tearing into those letters, I feel it important to bring up an article that was published today over at Cyclingnews regarding some very pointed remarks that former world champion Moreno Argentin has for Alberto Contador and the current pro road peloton in general.

If you are not familiar with Argentin, he is an Italian retired pro with an impressive list of palmares including stage wins in the Tour de France, Giro, Tour de Suisse, victories at Liege-Bastogne-Liege, La Fleche Wallone, Ronde van Vlaanderen and the Grio di Lombardia, not to mention multiple Italian national championships and one World championship in 1986.
(He was also born without an upper lip which means that his moustache, unfortunately, will grow directly into his mouth)

At any rate, this is what Argentin had to say about Contador and the peloton:
"Contador is a carefully calculated racing machine, made in a laboratory for one race: the Tour.  It doesn't seem to matter if he's got personality or not.  He and Schleck are the same.  You know how they're going to race: you know where to wait for them to do something.  They haven't got any originality........Now, the riders are all robots....with radios the riders seem to be controlled by a joystick.  The whole sport is in a mess."

Speaking of joysticks, it was Mr. Joystick himself, Mario Cippolini, who also struck out against Contador and the peloton exactly one week ago....

"In five hundred years or more, human beings might have both sets of genitalia, male and female.  I don't want this evolution to have started already in cycling"

How's that as a nod to women cyclists?

Anyway, it should come as no surprise that Argentin and Cipo are friends and like to vacation together.  On one recent ski trip, they had this photo taken of themselves together which they've used as a Christmas card they are sending out to the cycling community this year.  I was lucky enough to be the recipient of one and thought I would share.

And with that - on to a few letters!

Dear PooBah,
Where the hell have you been, man?  I mean - seriously?  I know you weren't sleeping for 79 days!
Yours -
Tim O.

About 79 days ago, my significant other gave me two gifts that greatly affected my life and forced me to take some time off from blogging (and no - they weren't the clap and the Baywatch DVD box set).  They were, however: #1) a bedazzler and...#2) dance lessons.

Dear PooBah,
Christmas is just around the corner and I need a gift for my boyfriend.  He is a roadie...and his favorite cyclist is Contador.  Do you have any ideas?  THANKS!
Tricia P.

You might consider a cycling related graphic T-shirt.  They are all the rage these days.
(here's one I picked out for your boyfriend.  He can buy it here)

Dear PooBah,
I'm a Cat 5 and raced a lot this past year.  I saved up all my race numbers from the entire season but don't know what to do with them all.  I was thinking about assembling them in a large collage and having it framed for my house - because each one rekindles a special set of memories for me.  Or maybe I could put them on my bike one at a time while I'm on the trainer this winter to help encourage me to keep riding.  Do you have any other suggestions?
Sam T.

Unless you are a Pro1/2 and just won any race that didn't take place in a shopping mall parking lot, there's a certain etiquette with respect to race numbers.  You must remove the number from your bike as soon as you can following the race and certainly BEFORE you put the bike on your car rack to drive it home....Imagine it as a turd in your have to disclaim ownership to it as quickly as you can. Anything else makes you look like a Posie McDouche and will prompt heckles from all of the real cyclists who drop you on the weekend rides like you are the turd in their chamois.  However, if you want to show a little individuality, you could have one of these made from your race numbers... cause this isn't douchie at all....
(here's the link, Sammy!)

Thanks for reading's good to be back.  Safe riding this weekend.



  1. Damn Poobah, your significant other has got some nice legs.

  2. I think Friday Mail is bedazzling.

    You know, less than 1% of readers comment on blogs they read, but I do it to let you know that I appreciate your craft.

    That's pretty much all I can do, because there's no way in hell that am I going to give you any money!

    Keep up the bedazzling!

  3. That's one luscious pout you've got there Poohbah. No wonder you get the hawt laaaaaydeees.

  4. I know you’re into bikes hardcore, as am I - gotta Cannondale Terra and I ride 24/7. Wouldn’t it be kick-ass to cycle in Heaven after we croak? If our existence is but a lifelong demise, which it is, I personally am only concerned with reach’n the Great Beyond after I make the daisies grow; however, what I'm most concerned about are my NINE fragrant, flagrant, fire-extinguisher-blogs, showing YOU how to riseabove this insane culture-of-the-dead. And, yes, YOU can certainly plagiarize anything from our award-winning, kick-ass, avant-garde efficaciousness. So, strive for Heaven, people - we cannot stay due to old age. You will NOT be disappointed for eternity: the sex is quite spectacular. I hear we can actually float.

  5. PS That's why I'm abstain'n, dude, not that any girly would wanna with me... but, still, the principle of the thang...