Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Biting, Boobs and "The Beazed"

I read with great interest in cyclingnews this morning that Fabian Cancellara was finally awarded his 2008 Silver Olympic medal at a special ceremony recently.  If you remember, Fabian originally won the Bronze in the 2008 Olympic road race and Davide Rebellin took Silver.  But that was before Rebellin tested positive for EPO/CERA and had to give his medal back.  Cancellara was reportedly most happy because the medal he was given was the exact same one that was taken away from Rebellin.

"It’s the original medal that was given to Rebellin. It has some marks on it so I can tell it was his."

Although the article doesn't specify, I'm guessing that upon closer inspection, the marks left in Rebellin's medal were actually teeth marks from him striking the ever popular "biting the medal" pose after the ceremony.
(A picture of not David Rebellin not actually biting the medal)

And much like the teeth marks left on a pencil found in the glove compartment of Jon Voight's car in Seinfeld, so too could these marks be matched back to Rebellin's dental arcade to validate the origin of the medal should Cancellara ever want to pawn it.  That said, one cannot discount the fact that the teeth marks may not have been made by Rebellin himself, but rather are those of an adoring fan.  Of course, I'm not sure how cycling compares to other sports in spectator popularity in Italy. But here in the states, fans are apparently willing to bite the medals right off American Olympic snowboarders, for example - even the lowly Bronze medal.  Case in point: Proud U.S. Olympic snowboarder Scotty Lago wearing his Bronze medal in his groinal region and having it nibbled upon thusly:

(DO NOT try this at home.  Scotty Lago is a trained professional and has years of experience teabagging women with dangling metal objects.  Further, the woman in the photo is wearing a mouthguard to prevent tooth chipping and is also believed to be very stupid.)

In other news, Mark "The Manx Missile" Cavendouche has found himself a lady friend, according to the UK paper The Sun.
And low and behold, it is The Sun's own "Page 3" girl, Peta Todd.  England, like many other developing nations, realized some time ago that conventional newspapers are a dying form of communication.  Increasing numbers of people are choosing to read news online at work instead of actually working at work, or reading the news in the paper when they get home at night.  Of course newsprint still has a certain demand in society and the day when fishermen start wrapping their haddock in laptops will truly mark the time of a bygone era.  But wrapping fish isn't the only thing that printed paper does better than computers, and the Brits are out to maintain demand for their daily rag by serving up a little softcore in the daily newsprint.  That brings me back to Peta Todd, Cavs new "lady friend".  The Sun's "Page 3" is essentially devoted to topless women.  And it is on Page 3 where more pictures of Peta, (and conveniently pictures of more Peta ) can be found:
(A photo of Ms. Todd, rendered SFW with two strategically placed crying Cavendouches.  You see - if the COMO CYCO was printed on paper and delivered to your home, you could see an uncensored version of the photo in the privacy of your house during dinner....and then wrap your fish up in it.)

And lastly, you've probably heard by now that Floyd Landis recently played an instrumental part in the federal investigation of Michael Ball's Rock Racing by wearing a wiretap during meetings he had with Ball which reportedly revealed a plethora of doping products.  But what you may NOT have heard is that Floyd's one-man crusade to clean up the sport not only includes participation in the fed's investigation, but also training EPO-sniffing dogs which he's teaching to attack on command....

Here we can see him training his dog named "The Beazed" to attack a green ring of some sort.  Of course, dogs see color differently, so to The Beazed, a green ring actually looks something like this:
(By the way, if you find one of these on e-bay with some teethmarks on it, make sure to snag it.  It could be worth a lot more.)

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