Thursday, September 2, 2010

Rooting for the underdog: Pumping your way to glory, Duct-taping your way to chicness

As I was watching the Vuelta last night, it occured to me that in the scope of the grand tours, the Vuelta a Espana has become a sort of red-headed stepchild.  The Giro is the first grand tour coming off the spring classics, so it gets a lot of attention, and the Tour of course is the premier stage race of the season, but the Vuelta sort of gets the shaft.  It occurs late in the season, when a lot of pros have already stopped racing.  And many of the big names that do go seem to sit in and not exert full effort to save themselves for the upcoming World Championships.  This is good and bad, I think.  Certainly, we miss out on seeing the best cyclists performing at their best, but we do get to see some different names pop up as future contenders.  And of course, the sprinters always sprint....because there really is no other reason for them to suffer through a stage race.  Last night's finale was particularly pleasant for me.
This is mostly because Cavendouche was bested by Tyler Farrar (who was ever gracious in his post-race interview saying, "Of course it's always nice to win against the best sprinter in the world, but it's even better to win a stage at the Vuelta.  I'm very happy.")  You see, I have an irritating habit of almost always rooting for the underdog.  Perhaps this comes from watching too many "epic" sports movies like Breaking Away, Hoosiers, or Teen Wolf.  So when someone actually does beat the best sprinter in the world at his own game, it makes me as giddy as a fat kid about to nom-nom on some chocolate cake.

But in the midst of my delirium, a commerical came on Universal Sports that immediately reminded me of their coverage of the Giro when they aired advertisments for a product called ColonFlow. Having thoroughly frightened my colon last May, Universal Sports was now apparently intent on scaring the crap out of my penis.

The commercial for PosTVac started out innocenctly enough showing two older individuals nuzzling one another with supposed renewed horniness of teenagers at a 7th grade dance, but then strays into bizarro-ville.  While demonstrating the gentle sucking action of the expensive penis pump, they show gramps laying on the ground twirling maw-maw in a tire swing overhead, poking her in the back.
"Just you wait until I get you into the sex swing,  momma....and after I get 120psi into my tube."

I'm not sure if this is supposed to represent some kind of playful foreplay, or if grandpa is just trying to get her dizzy enough that she won't notice him slapping a suction pump on himself before they go at it.  According to the commercial, it only takes 4 minutes to take effect, and is even covered by Medicare.  As the commercial details these facts, they again show a couple who appear very happy with the effects of the PosTVac pump.  I certainly am happy for these folks as well, but admit to being a little concerned for the dog sitting on this guy's lap.
This dog is saying "Dude, that better be a rawhide in your pocket or I'm going to totally shit on your pillow later."

And speaking of inappropriate actions, I stumbled upon a video of the recent CycleChic ride that happened here in Columbia this past weekend which is posted over at the Columbia Missourian.  All in all, it was a fairly accurate depiction of the event.  But during the video, one image jumped out at me while the commentator was remarking how the theme of the ride was to prioritize style over speed:
In the foreground are some very nice, black leather cap-toe oxfords....and in the background are some black, leather-like, MTB shoes, also cap-toe, but capped with duct tape.  It doesn't get much more chic than that folks....I bet you won't find that kind of fashion in Copenhagen.

Lastly, just a quick announcement that this weekend is the Gateway Cup in St. Louis.  Racing action starts Friday evening with the Tour de Lafayette, continues on Saturday with the St. Louis Hills Francis Park Criterium, on Sunday with the "Giro della Montagna" aka "the Hill" and concludes Monday with the Benton Park crit.  All details can be found here.  Looks like the big boys and girls are coming to play for this one as Jelly Belly, Kenda, Jamis Sutter Home, Colavita, Team Type 1, Bissell and Hotel San Jose are sending some guys for the men's races and Vera Bradley, Team Type 1, Vanderkitten, Webcor, Kenda and Colavita are sending the female pros.  I of course, will be rooting for our hometown boys and girls.....but am not sure they can really be considered underdogs this year...


  1. I didn't know that Medicare had a "part b". I wonder if they have a "part c", and if so, what does that cover?

    At any rate, I really feel for these men in their golden years. I hate for them to miss out on "the best part of (their) life". If Medicare part b won't help them out, perhaps they can simply go to the hardware store and purchase some pvc tubing, some duct tape and a shop-vac. That should do the trick (and in less than 4 minutes!).

  2. I think I may have set myself up to be the object of a punchline. For the record, I only use vacuums for removing the pressure in a line. (wait, let me try again). I only use vacuums for sucking areas that need it. (that didn't work either). I only use vacuums for cleaning my carpet. (There, that's better).