Dear PooBah: Thanksgiving Special!

It's Friday and you know what that means.  Time for reader mail.  We skipped ye olde mailbag last week so will try to make up for it this week with a Thanksgiving special as that most special day of the Turkey is just around the corner.

Let's get to it!

Dear PooBah-

Not sure if you are a hunter, but opening day for deer season was last Saturday - and I bagged me one!  Thought you might like to see how I got her home!
Sincerely,
Dead-eye Dick

Dear Dead-eye,

Thanks so much for the photo.  You guessed correctly - I'm not a hunter.  But I'm guessing that this one was actually bagged by a Buick based on the rigor mortis which means that you succeeded in bringing home some fairly old roadkill.  That said, at least the carcass did not go to waste, and I applaud you for taking her home, but admit being perplexed by your chosen method of transporting the body.  Here's hoping you get your driver's license back real soon after that last DWI.

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Dear PooBah

I wanted to do something special for Thanksgiving this year, so thought I would rig up a Turkey rotisserie to my old 29er.  Doesn't that baby look mouth watering?

Happy T-Day!

Mrs. Butterball.

Dear Mrs. Butterball,

Wow - rotating roasting extravagance to be sure.  This is quite an ingenious set-up complete with a veritable cornucopia in your front basket as well.  Just a word of advice...slow and steady wins this race.  Don't dare start hammering on those pedals, or you might end up launching your bird over the fence into your neighbor's yard.

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Dear PooBah:

Check out the bike I saw downtown the other day!  I took a picture of it with my camera phone.  It's a John Deere!  Could it be real?

Sincerely,

J. Sydenstryker

Dear J:

Yup, they are real all right.  They came in four colors: White, black, JD green and yellow.  The green means it's a men's three speed, although you would be hard pressed to know that by the big-assed, extra spongy granny saddle this one is sporting.   Unfortunately these babies aren't worth much as they were made in Taiwan in the 70s out of some pretty cheap materials.  Kind of odd by JD standards, but this might explain the lock job on this one consisting of a chain tossed around a three foot high pole.  If this guy really wanted to give this ride some more street cred, he'd slap one of these on it:

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Dear PooBah,

I remember reading one of your posts a while back in which you quoted a reporter that said that riding bikes was bad for the environment because of all the carbon dioxide that is exhaled during the exertion of pedaling.  I started thinking about this and believe that reporter might be on to something.  Therefore I invented this which will allow you to enjoy riding your bike without the exertion of pedaling and exhaling all of that excess CO2 in to the atmosphere.  What do you think?

Wind-man.

Dear Windy,

Nice work.  The sail attachment rig is especially ingenious. Just curious - does it come with the polyester slacks and ankle boots, or are those sold separately?

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Dear PooBah,

Last week I was away on a business trip and took a red-eye home to surprise my girlfriend early in the morning.  I let myself into her apartment only to find her like this....in bed with a bike....and not just any bike.....but MY bike!  I hot-tailed it out of there fast, but now don't know what to think about all of this?  Help!

Jealous

Dear Jealous-

I know you must be in shock about all of this, but let me challenge you to expand your imagination just a bit.  Ever hear of the term manage-a-trois?  Mind the skewers...could be a little dicey there.

Pedal on!