An ounce of sense is worth a pound of stupidity

Generaly speaking, there are two things which will encourage even the meekest soul to voice his or her opinion about a topic with uncharacteristic bravado, especially if that opinion is derogatory in some way.  The first is liquor.  The second is the opportunity to express comments under the cloak of anonymity, a concept with which I am all too familiar. 

Specifically, I am speaking of an article published in the Columbia Tribune on Sunday that expressed concerns about a city-commissioned survey conducted to determine the effectiveness of the GetAbout program whose mission is to raise awareness and participation in alternative, non-motorized transportation.  The original article suggests that the GetAbout program has not resulted in increases in non-motorized transport and in fact states that fewer COMO citizens are cycling or walking these days.

To emphasize the article's point, the editors chose to publish a picture of a solitary, lonely looking, wet bicycle outside a Methodist Church.  I wasn't even aware that Methodists were allowed to ride bicycles, so wonder if this one is owned by a defecting Lutheran, or something....

The problem is, the agency that conducted the study (St. Louis-based research firm Philips and Associates) did so via land-line telephone only.  The response piece, authored by Robert Johnson, demonstrates how this inherently skews any data obtained. By polling a sub-population of COMO citizens that owns land-line telephones, the surveyors also preferentially selected homes inhabited by an older population.  (Research has shown that inhabitants of homes with land lines are older than the average population of a community). This explains why the average age of those surveyed (55 years) was older than the average age of COMO citizens.

Interestingly, further research has shown that the older-than-85 demographic is evenly distributed among those using tin cans and string, smoke signals and carrier pigeon.

Based on experiences in other cities that have seen rises in cycling advocacy and practice, it's believed that alternative transportation may be more likely adopted and practiced by a younger population.  Thus, the survey didn't get an accurate representation of the current trends  in Columbia, and the data is flawed and misleading.  Furthermore, Johnson goes on to quote the results of research conducted by Associate Professor Stephen Sayers (co-director of scholarly activity in the Department of Physical Therapy) which actually reported an increase in cycling by 18% in 2010 documented by direct observation.  Predictably, Mr. Johnson's article evoked some colorful reponses:

jefnmel (anonymous) says....

"Get a life. There are so many other worthwhile casues [sic] to put your energy towards than trying to justify your disdain for anything with an engine."

themorethingschange (anonymous) says...

"Robert, please hop on your bike and pedal out of town.  Intentions may have been good, but the reality is that an obscene amount of public money was wasted trying to convince people to bike or walk to work.  The outcome was totally predictable to anyone with an ounce of common sense.  And speaking of a younger demographic, there is an expression they no doubt would use to describe this deal: Fail."

As Mr. Johnson is likely not allowed to respond to these anonymously-posted comments, I hope he doesn't mind if I do, as I feel particularly qualified to do so based on the following: 1) I am under 55 years of age, 2) like the Tribune commenters, I too, am anonymous and 3) I possess exactly one ounce of sense, no more and no less.

I could start my response to 'jefnmel' and 'thremorethingschange's arguments by suggesting the bigger waste of money in this entire story was whatever the city of Columbia paid the St. Louis research firm to conduct a worthless study....or I could suggest that commenter  'themorethingschange'   probably has a land-line phone and is thus forbidden to use the word "fail" to describe anything other than the inadequate response to their Geritol and Centrum Silver....but instead, I think I will match their anonymously-posted, but well-crafted arguments with one of my own:

And I'd also like to take this moment to reiterate that in no way, shape or form am I suggesting or condoning that older people actually make the en masse switch to cell phones as a means of communication.  Speaking from personal experience, my mother now has an iphone and is learning how to text, and this frightens me.

Anyway - speaking of riding your bike and talking on the phone, I stumbled upon this today.

This photo is depicting a helmet with a built-in Bluetooth allowing you to make those important phone calls (or responding to critical phone surveys) while riding.  Of course, only cyclists under 55 will likely be able to master this complex technology.  However, that will probably result in the over 55 crowd being hit by cars far less frequently as their left ears won't be completely deafened to the sounds of oncoming traffic.  On the upside, the resulting shift in average age of cyclist could help the accuracy of the next phone survery to be conducted. 

Cardiac Deficit Disorder

A couple of weeks ago the Columbia Tribune reported that results from infrastructural changes to our city completed with a $22 million federal grant intended to promote bicycling have been a "mixed bag" which provoked quite a lively response from readers.  This claim was based on the fact that one particular day in mid-September 2008, the number of cyclists that went through the Forum/Stadium intersection during a two-hour period was 50% less that the number that went through the same intersection on the same day in 2009.  This appears to be the grand total of the negative findings by which the author of the story, Ms. Janese Heavin, wrote the story's byline stating "Fewer using site altered for bikes." 

Here's a picture of Ms. Heavin:

This is like hypothetically observing that on September 14th, 2008 from 2:00 PM until 4:00 PM, bars in Columbia sold less beer than between those same hours on September 14th, 2009, thus prompting a conclusion that beer consumption is on the decline in Columbia, which I seriously doubt.

But based on this assumption, one reader (by the name of 'FatDaddy') made the following observations in his response to the article:

"-The controversial legislation and general condescention proffered by the activist lobby has alientated more people than the campaign has encouraged."
"-Our carbon footprint is exactly where it was"
"The obese fraction of the population is exactly where it has been"
"There were no decreases in the diagnosis of cardiac deficit on a percapita basis"
"22 million dollars were, for the most part, wasted"

I would like to take a moment to respond to his assertations using the exact same logic that the original article was based on, i.e., a sample size of one.  I have not been alientated by the new bike-friendly legislation, and my personal carbon footprint has absolutely been lowered by my increase in commuting this year, my body weight is actually lower this year than it was last year, and I don't feel as though the 22 million was wasted.  So based on examining a sample population equivalent to what the aforementioned study used in their examination of a single intersection on a single day of the year,  I hereby statistically refute each of his claims.  The only claim of FatDaddy's I cannot refute is the so called decrease in this mysterious condition he refers to as 'cardiac deficit' which would mean in medical terms, the condition of possessing no heart at all.  In fact I have to agree with him - I think there are MORE heartless people in COMO this holiday season now than ever before.

My evidence?  We need not look any further than the comments posted in the end-of-the-week Trib Talk in response to this article and other articles regarding the traffic in Columbia.

TribTalk comment #1:

"I just read in the GetAbout Columbia report that bikes on the MKT trail have increased 400 percent - sure thing.  And half of these riders shoot by without warning, nearly knocking pedestrians - who were there first - off the trail.  Put that in your report, you self-congratulatory bike fanatics."

TribTalk comment #2:

"I read with interest the interest the GetAbout people are going to report to the federal governement the numbers of bike riders and pedestrians using the new trails through town.  That makes about as much sense as a bunch of prisoners and convicts reporting about how many members of prisoners are assaulted or smuggle in illegal drugs each month."

TribTalk comment #3:

"...if some fool maniac with a bat jumps on the hood of your car, double-tap to the cariovascular triangle and fight back until the threat is eliminated.  These are counterinsurgency response procedures in place across the world, and this guy is what the Second Amendment is all about.  God Bless America."

What with all of this talk of "double-tapping" people's triangles, and cyclists who ride the trail being "fanatical" and "self-congratulatory" and "cardiac deficits" on the rise, how can one not think that COMO is becoming a heartless place and begin to despair.  It was just when I was having such dark thoughts on my commute home last night that I saw this car parked in a parking lot which then warmed my gloomy heart.

Scrawled on the back of this car's rear window was the phrase "I HAVE THE BEST BFF EVER".  In consulting with the Urban Dictionary, I learned that 'BFF' is an acronym that seemingly stands for "Best Friend Forever".  But that wouldn't make sense with its use in the above sentence, reading "I HAVE THE BEST BEST FRIEND FOREVER EVER."  If the writer wanted to cannote the typical meaning of BFF, he or she would have simply written "I HAVE THE BFF", correct?  Anyway, he or she can't have the BFF ever, because Fast Freddie Rodriguez of Rock Racing actually has the BFF ever as seen in a photo taken at a publicity event to market the new official sports drink of Rock Racing: the R3 Power Elixir.

I wonder if Freddie is getting his triangle double-tapped here?

So clearly the car-graffiti artist must have been referencing a different 'BFF' acronym.  Methinks he/she was referring to the Bicycle Film Festival that is making its way around the world (currently in New Orleans, Houston and Washington DC) but somehow managed to miss Columbia completely.

How can Columbia not play host to the BFF?  We have the True/False film festival, the Citizen Jane Festival, the Third Goal Film Festival.  Plus we have the perfect venues for such an event in RagTag and the Missouri Theatre.  Talk about heartless!  Consider this my impassioned plea to all those above to bring the BFF to Columbia so that we cycling fanatics can become even more self-congratulatory, but perhaps in the process help grow the size of our hearts exponentially.

Pedal On!