Better living through chemistry

By now, I'm sure everyone has heard the story that former US cyclist and drug runner, Joe Papp has admitted to supplying French racer Jeannie Longo's coach and husband, Yolande Ciprelli with EPO for her use.  Of course, Ciprelli is following the playbook response in appropriate stepwise manner:
1) Declare outrage.
2) Deny everything.
3) Lawyer up.
4) Sue the accusers for defamation of character (forthcoming). 

For those of you who don't know, Jeannie Longo-Ciprelli has an amazing 59 national titles and 13 world titles to her credit and was slated to be selected for the French national team to compete in the upcoming World championships.  Blah, blah, blah - we've heard this all before.  What really struck me about this story was what Papp wrote in one of the newly released emails from him to Ciprelli sealing the deal in 2007 regarding the sale of the EPO.

"We ask that you send us the 500 euros on Monday, with your shipping information.  We then ship to you the 80,000 iu (international units) and we call it "even" because we want you to be happy and satisfied with your transaction from us.  We are closing all specials Monday 23 April, so we want for you to be able to take advantage of the good pricing since you have been in contact with us for some time."

What the shit is this?  Was Papp honestly running special sales on the Poe?  "Buy now for 25% off and get your pre-mixed sterile viles for free.  Only good through Monday, so hurry!"

And in othe recent breaking news, apparently inspired by the RadioShack-Leopard merger, now Astana and SaxoBank are "talking to each other" according to the Dutch newspaper DeTelegraaf. 

And why shouldn't the RadioShack-Leopard merger serve as inspiration?  It worked for Garmin-Cervelo, right?  Sports writer Bonnie Ford with ESPN has an interesting article on the subject  here.  I've taken the liberty to lift some of the more memorable quotes from her piece:

Brian Nygaard, the Leopard general manager Bruyneel will replace, declined comment. Through a team spokesman, Becca also declined to be interviewed. Stapleton said he took no offense at Becca's reported comments in a Luxembourg television interview that "nothing about this team will be American except the sponsors.''  Why would RadioShack, a company that doesn't do business in western Europe, cede control to an organization based there? "This is not a precursor to expanding" into that part of the world, Applbaum [RadioShack chief marketing officer] clarified.

Applbaum said he and RadioShack are comfortable with their commitment. He expressed regret that some riders and staff will lose their jobs, but said he is confident Bruyneel will make the transition smooth. "He has an incredible track record in Grand Tours. … He's a phenomenal manager of people," Applbaum said. "Integrity is a core pillar of our brand, and at this juncture, we continue to monitor the [Armstrong] situation. If the investigation changes course, we'll address it at that time."

Cervelo co-founder Gerard Vroomen said the constantly shifting alliances in cycling have immunized him from being surprised at anything, and he pointed out that the Schlecks were reportedly first courted by Bruyneel a couple of years ago when RadioShack was being formed. Vroomen speculated that Becca became impatient both with the search for a title sponsor and the team's results. "I can't climb into his head, but 12 months ago he was probably sure he was going to win the Tour de France and the spring classics, and he didn't do either,'' Vroomen said. "Someone must have made the suggestion that Bruyneel creates Tour de France winners.''

Yes indeed, Bruyneel does know how to "create" a Tour de France winner. 

T-shirt now comes in maillot-jaune yellow!

Here's what I find puzzling.  Becca wants that "nothing about the team will be American," (aside from the money apparently) and this in spite the fact that the current US National champion Mathew Busche, in addition to former champion Ben King as well as Chris Horner will be racing for them.  Further, according to Ford, "Capital Sports and Entertainment, the Austin-based company that held RadioShack's license through a subsidiary, will....become a subcontractor, handling marketing and sponsor hospitality. Trek (an American company) was already supplying bikes to both teams" and will continue to do so.  And   "RadioShack will continue its affiliation with its most famous former rider, keeping Lance Armstrong under a personal services and endorsement contract, according to his agent, CS&E founder and partner Bill Stapleton." 

For your consideration:

#1) Team bikes: American.  Team money: American.  Team riders:  American champions.  Team owner: "Nothing...will be American."  I may not know my ass from apple-butter - but something tells me the right hand doesn't know who the left hand is jerking off.

#2) Anyone else think the Hog is looking forward to getting out of the States...like yesterday?

#3) Why would the ever-patriotic Armstrong be OK with supporting a team in which "nothing...will be American."

#4) Truly - what is in this deal for RadioShack which has no presence in Europe, where operations will be based, and the majority of the team's racing presence will be felt?

The Return of Friday Mail!

Today, I am sad, dear readers.  After my Flavia Becca dressing down yesterday for not having the good sense to re-sign Jens Voigt to the 2012 Cougar-Shack squad, I read today on VeloNews that he has, in fact, come around and lured the team's oldest rider back into the leopard den, as it were.  Honestly, I was happy Jens might be able to escape having to ride for the Hog and his pack of Cougars.  Further, I was really kind of hoping Jensie would go rogue and form his own team of Germanic hard-asses that would do nothing but bleed, attack and spout forth colorful quips.  He, of course, would be captain of the squad and would successfully lure Jan Ulrich and Erik Zabel out of retirement, get sponsorship from St. Pauli's Girl, load themselves to the gills on doping product made from EPO, bratwurst and Jägermeister and teach the whole peloton how to harden the fuck up.  But it looks like that's not going to happen....this year, anyway. In the absence of that, I am happy to bring you something else truly Jens-errific:  The Jens Voigt Soundboard.

Just follow aforementioned link to the Jens Voigt Army website, and then click on the Jens quotes to sample them.  I can't decide which my favorite is....it's either "A swift kick in the balls..." or "You don't have to be afraid to touch it."  Then upload the app to your iPhone or Android to take Jens with you.  It only costs a buck!

And although Jens signing with a team that will be directed by the Hog has me down, I was happy to have received this in the COMO CYCO mailbox yesterday which cheered me right back up.

However, I'm not sure what they mean by "Collection" party and am wondering if they might actually be passing a collection plate around to gather money to help pay Michael Ball's team of attorneys or to just chip in for the hookers and blow.  Either way - I'm so there.

And speaking of mail - I think it's time to resurrect ye olde mailbag, which seems to be bursting at the seams since we last opened it up!

---

Dear Poobah,

Wise oh Poobah, I am in sort of a pickle, well ok maybe more 'cornfused'.  You see I have these cycling friends with whom I ride and, on occasion, socialize. Well today I was walking down the street to go grab myself a bite to eat and low and behold, across the street are several of these so-called friends.  Unbeknownst to me, they were meeting for lunch at a local Korean BBQ place.  One of my supposed friends yelled at me to come join them but I had other things that I needed to do.  But here is my 'cornfusion':

Why wasn't I invited to lunch? 

Was this a secret off-the-bike cycling meeting purposefully in my absence? 

Maybe I didn't shave my legs close enough for our last group ride? 

Maybe I can't hold my line in the paceline? 

Maybe I am a douche to them? 

I mean the cycling world is full of douches and this fine city of Columbia has more then its fair share.  I mean hell just this past Tuesday we all worked together to beat a local tri-douche on our weekly Tuesday night world championships.  I worked for one of these aforementioned friends and then I get stiffed for lunch? (not the good kind of stiffing mind you).  I am just looking for some guidance from you oh wise and knowledgeable of all things cycling Poobah.  What should I do?  Should I just chalk it up as a fluke?  Should I cry myself to sleep?  Heck maybe I should just give up cycling?  Grow out my leg hair?  Or just get a hold of Horner or the uni-baller to hook me up with some Poe so I can rip those fuckers' legs off on the next group ride?

Thank you for any and all advice.
Sincerely,
"Not wanting to be a douche"

Dear "Not Wanting to be a Douche,"

Firstly, thank you for your letter.  Before I respond, let me ask you to watch a video:

What can we learn from this?  Here is a hardworking man trying to earn a living by cleaning swimming pools.  He is being videotaped by his supposed "friends" who seem to take great pleasure when the man encounters adversity.  Clearly, at one time, he must have trusted these friends...enough to let them video him.  But look where it got him.  He ends up alone, ridiculed and lying in puddle of rotting pool slop.  My point?  At least you're not that guy!  So cheer up!  That BBQ wasn't that tasty anyway....(I take it back - the pork lunch is freaking fantastic).

---

Dear Poobah,
I'm starting a new cycling business in town and wanted to get some advice from you on how to properly advertise.  With so many other great shops in Columbia, I fear it's going to be tough to break into the market - so I'm trying a unique angle - but want to make sure my advertisement campaign is successful from the start so I can hit the ground running.  What do you think?
Thanks so much!
Gina J.

Gina-
Well, on the upside, I'm happy to see you are offering the lesbian haircuts for anyone - because otherwise you could be accused of being discriminatory.  But $15 may be a little steep to start out with....I'd do them for $10 and a free bike cleaning.

---

Dear Poobah,
The last time I showed up for a cyclocross training ride, I got made fun of for wearing a skin suit.  What did I do wrong?  I've seen guys wear them at CX races, as well as crits and time trials, of course.  Is it just because I shouldn't wear it to train in or are they unacceptable for cross?  Please advise!
Kyle F.

Kyle,

Listen, man - haters gonna hate.  You just need to worry about being you and not listening to everyone around you.  And if that means rocking a bad-ass-flying-pegasus-skeleton skin suit to cross practice - you do that.  But be warned - you might not be invited to Korean BBQ if you keep wearing that shit.

---

Dear Poobah,

I'm introducing my daughter to the world of bike racing and want to make sure I'm doing it right.  I took a picture of her at her most recent juniors race and am enclosing it.  Any tips you could offer would be most appreciated.  She's the one in the foreground (#461).

Thanks so much!

Robert H.

Robert,

Where in the hell are her clipless pedals?  You actually made her go out there in running shoes?  I should call child services on your ass.  Get her some freaking Sidi Ergo 2 carbon soles or don't bother having her even show up next time.  Pathetic.

---

Dear Poobah,

Having grown up in the 80's, my sister and I were so sad to read about the recent retirement of NASA's space shuttle program.  We grew up watching every shuttle launch and the various space missions inspired us both to pursue degrees in science.  To celebrate the most recent and final shuttle mission, we rode our bikes all the way to The Kennedy Space Center's launch site and had our photo taken there, together. 

Now that the Space Shuttle is no more, what do you think our nation's next major scientific achievement will be?

Thank you,

Elizabeth and Erin M.

Bringing back rocket-pops!  I've not had one of those in forever!

---

Have a great weekend, everyone -

CCPB

Adult Males, Vibrations and Douchebags, Oh My!!!

While perusing the COMO/Jeff City Craigslist last night for some bike parts for a friend, I stumbled upon this post under the "Wanted" section:

"Looking for an adult male bicycle."

Although it may surprise some, I've suspected for years that many cyclists ascribe a particular gender to their bikes, much like they do to their cars, or boats.  My own road bike actually started out as a woman, but then went through a sex change sometime last year.  No longer sleek and sexy, he has become creaky and groans a lot like an old man that gets up 3 times every night to take a leak.    What can I say - we walk the same path.  But feeling helpful, I've actually gone in search of an adult male bicycle for the craigslist poster above and hopefully have come up with something he may find of use.

I would contend that a bicycle cannot get any more adult and male than being a sperm bike.

Yes, travel with me dear reader to Copenhagen, where the sperm bike (translated in Danish to "Sperm Bullit") is the preferred way of transporting "deposits" made at Capenhagen's Nordisk Cryobank.  Fully loaded, the bike weighs 50kg (about 23 lbs).  That's a lot of deposits.

When not in use for transporting sperm, the liquid nitrogen tank can also cool your beer in less than 2 seconds. 

In other news, you may wonder what everyone's favorite boy racer Mark "the Manx Missile" Cavendouche is doing in this recently uncovered photograph which captures him in semi-crouched position, with an intent look on his face:

And if you said that he was practicing his sprint-shit posture before the world championships, you would only be partially correct.  In actuality, he is testing out a vibration plate called the Galileo Vibraflex, that provides whole body vibration which, according to the plate's manufacturer, can be "used in strength training, stretching and recovery."  No telling how long the Doucher actually had to stand on the plate to get his money - but I'm guessing just long enough for the company rep to snap the photo.  NYC Velocity reporter Andy Shen gives the lowdown on the machine and provides a video of that same squat-shit positioning of a cyclist on the trainer:

Curious, I checked out the manufacturer's website, "Amplitude Vibration Studio" and found some other photos of how this little number can be used....

There's the Single Leg Lunge:

The Back Stretch

And my personal favorite, The Bridge.

Wisely, the folks in charge of marketing did not post photos of Cavendouche performing the Bridge on their website.

And in final news today, we get to start playing the new guessing game, "Where will Jensie go?"  With the newly formed Cougar-Shack squad only having room for 30 cyclists, financial backer Flavio Becca has gone on record:

"Becca made it clear that the new team would consist largely of current Leopard riders.  He indicated that of the 25 riders now on the team, the five whose contracts expire at the end of the year would leave......Those five riders are Jens Voigt, Martin Pedersen, Bruno Pires, Thomas Rohregger and Stuart O'Grady.  The latter has already announced that he will ride for the new GreenEdge team next year."

Wow, Bruyneel and Becca have got to be even more stupid than what I originally gave them credit for.  They are going to let go of one of the most loyal teammates to the FrAndy twins and arguably the most popular and hard-working cyclist in the pro peloton?

"Pssst, Andy.....watch while I lift left cheek and float air-biscuit onto Mercedes Benz representative sitting behind me.  Heheh - he will not be amused, eh?"

I have a feeling this ass-clown hasn't even realized his full potential yet.  And with the combined power of the Hog, this duo could be merging itself into the perfect storm of douchebaggery for next year.

This post is brough to you by the letter 'M' which stands for Multitasking and Merging

As i was snagging YouTube videos for yesterday's post, I noticed several topic-related advertisements along the side bar on YouTube's page.  This one caught my eye.

Honestly, I have no idea what kind of a company "Soujourn" is, but I'm guessing they are in the business of swinging cycling vacations somewhere in North America as couple #1 (on the left) are wearing Colorado-esque jerseys and couple #2 (on the right) are wearing Canada-esque jerseys.....and are also dry-humping doggy-style while photographing couple #1 in some Tuscan villa.  Lessons learned from this?  Canadians multi-task better than Americans, or after those long, dark Canadian winters, any self-respecting Canuck gets irrepressibly horny if you place them in a Mediterranean setting.

And speaking of multitasking, a reader sent me a couple of photos of how our local COMO bike racks are also having to do some multitasking as of late.

Exhibit A.

Exhibit B.

In theory, I have no problem with the skateboard being chained to the bikerack.  However that's because I'm old, and envisioning skaters from the Dogtown and Z-boys era:

Peggy Oki - the only female member of the original Zephyr team.  She could have chained her skateboard to my bikerack any day.

Instead - I'm pretty sure most of the individuals carrying skateboards on campus today are a little more like this:

Nothing more than an advertisement for something choaderific.  He probably just swapped his fixie out for the board - which he bought used off of Craigslist to make sure it has that well-worn look.

However, using a bike rack as a sign post for a no-trespassing sign is perfection in the art of mixed messages.  That said, I would be willing to bet that not a single bicycle had been parked at this particular bike rack seen on Cherry Street for a long-ass time, thus prompting the owners of the adjacent establishment to use it for another purpose.  This isn't justification - it's just an observation that most COMO citizens would still prefer to drive to get their soy double mocha frappucinos rather than ride or walk there.

And speaking of mixed signals, Brian Nygaard, former General Manager of Trek Leopard is stepping down from his position with the team as it whores itself out merges with RadioShack.  The name of the new team is RadioShack-Nissan-Trek.  And whoops - looks like mastermind Falvio Becca forgot to tell his current Leopard sponsor, Mercedes Benz, that the whoring out merger was occuring with a company that already has financial backing from an auto company: Nissan.

Looks like Andy is going to have the keys to the Benz back....

But seriously, the name 'RadioShack-Nissan-Trek' is just God-awful.  How can Bruyneel expect the lithe European boys from Leopard (pronounced lay-O-pard) to ride for a team with such a cumbersome and un-feline name?  Certainly we can help them come up with something better.  I've read it numerous places and clearly am pilfering it from someone, by with the increasing age of some of the cyclists likely to be retained after the whoring merger (ie Horner), the name Cougar-Shack seems to be pretty appropriate. 

With all of this change, the Hog has got to be feeling a little stressed, so let's lend him a hand.  If you send me your idea of a new better team name, I will compile the entire list and hand-write them on the back of a card that he might find helpful in his near future.

Resurrect Dead: Summer recap and groin wounds.

Holy God, what a shit, movie.  What better way to once again, resurrect a shit blog?

Last winter, the GEEC and I saw another, much better move, entitled "Resurrect Dead" at the True/False film festival.  It has absolutely nothing to do with cycling, or blogging, but I was reminded of it this past weekend, by title only, when a very good friend chastized me for abandoning COMO CYCO for the summer.  I mean - what are friends for if not berating you?  It started me thinking that maybe I should get the band back together...That, in combination with the fact that despite me not answering my email in like 4 months, people keep sending me shit.  What the hell?  I maintained this blog for a year and a half to the sound of crickets and lonely tumbleweed blowing by with nary a response, snigger, or comment....and I roll over and play dead for a few months and the mailbag starts filling up?  Oh COMO cycling world - you are a fickle, tough nut to crack.

So what do I do, try once again?  What's the harm? A few wasted minutes of my day serving you up the latest slop?  Even fewer wasted minutes on your part skipping over said slop in search for photos of semi-clothed people on bicycles?  Well, truth be told - I've missed you, dear readers.  In all of your infinite silence and reticence, I still seek your company.

With that said - let's try to play catch up on what we've missed this summer.
#1) There was this big race in France in July won by somebody named Cadel Evans.  This was celebrated by virtually dozens of Aussies, probably most splendidly by these two in particular. The first guy unfortunately falls prey to the all-too common drawback of wearing a cape as a superhero.




Winning the Tour de France, of course, is quite an accomplishment and one for which Cadel should be very proud.  But despite how amazing an achievement the overall victory was, in my mind, it paled in comparison to some of his single day performances, like this one.

It's good to see Cadel back on form.  And who could be more deserving to be the recipient of Evans' backwash than Cavendouche himself.

#2) Many a cycling-related vacation was taken by COMO cyclists.  And some of these adventures were captured on film!  The most surprising of which has to be our beloved Josh from Walt's who was caught yelling at the camerman while portaging a fixie in the hills above Los Angeles!

The most disturbing thing about this photo is that he is not riding the Waterford.



 #3) There was a big race in Colorado during which this guy who somehow miraculously only gets better the older he gets wins.  As another dear friend instructed me after the stage in Crested Butte, "Big foreheads = steroids."

Jesus, I hope the little guy is clean....

Regardless, the crowds in Colorado still proved themselve classy to the Euro-elite.

This is most likely because most of them were Missourians who elected to spend their tourism dollars in Colorado versus in our home state since our brilliant Governor shit-canned the Tour of Missouri.  Thanks Gov. Nixon!

#4) Poor Tom Boonen suffers insult on top of injury (quite literally) by growing another body hole prior to fracturing a bone in his hand.

"The perineum, the area between the scrotum and the anus, is simply the most delicate part of the body," said Tom.

Poor Tom tore his in the Vuelta.  Not.  Good. 

"Because of the friction of the pants with the saddle, I suffer from an unjury to the scrotum.  The extreme heat and excessive sweating caused a heavy irritation in that area.  There is a hole."

#5) And speaking of heavy irritations to the groin, the cycling world confirms once again that the best way to validate a rumor is to deny it emphatically.  No, I'm not speaking of Lance.  I'm speaking of the new "merger" between Trek Leopard and RadioShack.

Yup, that chamois-muncher Hog, did it!  Kudos to him and his soon to be heavily liquidated staff for both moving the team to Europe and the impending lay-offs to a shit-ton of hard-working soigneurs, mechanics and cooks.  Even bigger kudos go to Leopard owner Flavio Becca for not telling his cyclists about the change!  However, like a rat jumping from a sinking boat, Levi clearly sensed the rising water in time to plunge over to Omega-Pharma days before the announcement was made.  No word yet on how his equally large-foreheaded and aged colleague Chris Horner will deal with the loss, but by his Twitter account, it looks like he's taking the Goonie philosophy on it.

If anybody busts him doing the truffle shuffle, send me video, please.

That's all for today, kids.  It's good to be back.  Thanks to all who sent me links to the stories...

CCPB







Apologies: Requested, confusing and inadequate.

This morning, the Associated Press is reporting that Lance Armstrong's horde of attorneys has formally asked "60 Minutes" for an on-air apology via a letter sent to CBS News Chairman and executive producer, Jeff Fager.  It reads, in part:

"In the cold light of morning your story was either extraodinarily shoddy, to the point of being reckless and unprofessional, or a vicious hit-and-run job.  In either case, a categorical on-air apology is required........What is particularly disturbing is that '60 Minutes' had access to the true facts, could easily have verified them, and apparently chose instead to broadcast untruths and then layer innuendo on top of the falsehoods."

Questions:
#1) How do LA's attorneys know that the morning after the "60 minutes" broadcast was cold?  It certainly wasn't cold everywhere - maybe only in Austin, TX.  Maybe, in fact if you watched it in Boca Raton, Florida, the morning after was actually warm and breezy?  But that doesn't sound as good...."In the warm and breezy light of morning, your story....blah blah blah...."  Anyway - I'm just saying it might not have been cold where you live.  Hell, it might not have even been morning - like if you watched it in Thailand or something - in which case the EVENING after the broadcast would most certainly have been dark and sticky.  Points to ponder.

#2) LA's attorneys give two possibilities for the story:  It was EITHER a) "extraordinarily shoddy" or b) "a hit-and-run job."  The former possibility suggests that the claims could have just been ordinarily shoddy - but, in fact, that the supposed shoddiness of these specific claims was "extraordinary" in nature.  But this begs the question of how one distinguishes between something that is 'ordinarily' shoddy and 'extraordinarily' shoddy? 

Oh wait - I get it now....

The second possibility was that it was a "hit-and-run job" which really had me concerned - because I like "60 Minutes" and would hate for it not to be on anymore.  So I've checked the local listings, and sure enough - "60 Minutes" has not gone away and will be on again this Sunday. (Thank goodness - because I just don't like thinking about having to go a week without Andy Rooney bitching about shoes or eyeglasses or fast food or something....he's so cute.)

What if Andy apologized for his eyebrows.  Would that make Lance happy?

#3) How exactly would Team Lance like "60 Minutes" to word their apology?  In other words - what are they supposed to apologize for?  Something like, "We, "60 Minutes" apologize for televising Tyler Hamilton confess to doping and telling the world what he saw."   By the way, has Team Lance bothered to ask themselves why Hamilton would be lying NOW about this?  Lying NOW about this to the Grand Jury means jail time....I suppose all that time in jail would give him the peace and quiet to write that book.

#4) What is Team Lance going to do if "60 Minutes" decides NOT to apologize?  I mean, one time, back when I was a little kid, I bit my sister in the armpit and my mother told me to apologize to her.  But I knew that there would be ramifications if I blew it off.  If I didn't apologize, then I would probably get knocked around a little bit and then not get to stay up to watch Fantasy Island....so, by God, I apologized! 

I wasn't a big Tattoo fan - but I dug me some Fantasy Island women!

And while we're on the topic of absurd requests....it lookes like Riccardo Ricco will be racing again shortly. 

Despite having almost died from an auto-transfusion of blood which fried his kidneys and got him kicked off the Vacansoleil team, he's been signed by Team Meridian-Kamen and is on the roster to be racing at the Tour of Serbia on June 13.  Rumor had it he would actually make a come back with Team Amore e Vita whose kit he was seen in last week - but team director Fanini gave him 5 conditions upon which his acceptance to the squad relied (and no - I'm not making this up - Google translate and read it here.)

1. Remove the two earrings and the diamond embedded in your tooth
2. Fire your trainer and your lawyer
3. Don't have any syringe in your possessions, unless we approve it
4. Move in with your partner and your son and live no more than few miles from team headquarters so we can test you any time we feel like it.
5. Confess all you know to the authorities about currently active doping systems.

I wonder which of the 5 conditions he couldn't live up to?  I'm guessing it was the tooth diamond.  I wouldn't have given that up either...

It's Friday Afternoon: Do you know where your Hog is?

Seriously, where in the hell is The Hog?  As you may or may not know - Johan Bruyneel, long time directeur sportif for Lance Armstrong and team director for RadioShack, is also known as "The Hog."  But I'm not sure if he was called The Hog before or after he declared himself a "mastermind."

(Rumor has it the alternative title was "We Might As Well Win: Lessons I've learned from Edgar Alan Poe.")

See - it's right there on the cover of his book entitled "We Might As Well Win - On the road to success with the mastermind behind eight Tour de France Victories."  He's the one holding his chin in a thoughtful pose.  I honestly can't decide which nickname I like better...Hog or Mastermind...Mastermind or Hog?

It's kind of old news now, but the day after the 60 Minutes story aired, Italian police decided to pay a visit to Team RadioShack at the Giro d'Italia.  It seems that the team bus was searched first thing in the morning on their rest day this past Monday.  Of particular interest, however, was that The Hog had mysteriously disappeared from the Giro the night before - and no one could find him for days!  This actually had me quite concerned...until I got on Twitter this morning and saw that he had posted a message with a photo.

"View from my dining room."

"Wow," is all I have to say!  That is some view.  Where the hell is his dining room, in a secluded fortress atop some mountain?   I guess that book deal was pretty lucrative! With a view like that - Bruyneel definitely emodies the moniker of 'mastermind' moreso than 'The Hog,' I think. 

Honestly, I'm just glad to know he is OK.....cause it was starting to feel like a bit of a game:

Click to enlargen to play "Where's The Hog?"

Speaking of the 60 Minutes interview and The Hog, one of the allegations made by Tyler Hamilton was that The Hog and LA paid the director of the Swiss Anti-Doping laboratory, Martial Saugy, a little visit after a bunch of urine tested as "suspicious" for EPO at the 2001 Tour de Suisse.  One of Armstrong's attorneys, Tim Herman, (shit, it's getting difficult to keep track of them all) responded to this by saying "neither Armstrong nor Bruyneel have any recollection of meeting [Saugy] for any purpose at any time."  Oops.  It looks like Saugy does remember a meeting with the boys - I guess it did happen, after all.

Man these guys are hard to pin down - even they can't remember where they are or where they've been, or to whom they've spoken.  But in their defense - they are getting older....and that makes remembering things a little more difficult.  I think occasions like that are called "senior moments."  But lucky for them and Team RadioShack, is that no matter how forgetful they may get in their elder years, they also seem to get a lot stronger and faster!

ATOC Stage 7 (Mt. Baldy):  First and Second place - Combined age: 76 years.

But it's all good....these guys have earned the right to be fast....and to live in luxury....and to travel well and quickly from place to place.  I mean, no wonder it's hard to track them down when they can zip in and out of places on their personal private jets.  But what's wrong with the cycling elite getting to move about with a little style?

I mean - this guy won the TdF 7 fricking times, people!  That's a race!  Not like some one-day joy ride on a God-forsaken northern European rustic cattle path!

Speaking of which.....

"f-cancellara on our flight tonight!" via Ken Sommer Twitter 5/22/11.

At any rate - welcome home Hog, mastermind of 8 Tours de France....we've missed you.  And word is there are some nice gentlemen that have some questions for you.....

By the way, COMO kids - tomorrow is the annual Pedaler's Jamboree.  Tickets are still available up until 8PM tonight - so don't miss out.  And there will be absolutely, positively, no advantages to taking anything that could actually enhance your performance on this ride, people!  In fact - I'm pretty sure it's just the opposite....

Have a great weekend.